My Mother's Farker

My stepfather-type-person is a comical character indeed
yet laughter,
especially the doubled-over-breathless (not during sex) type
isn't such a hoot when you are cramping like hell.

We are in the lift going up to the blood testing lab
Lift stops, lady comes in
Lift stops, lady gets out, we get out
"No, this isn't your floor" she says
we go back in

We go to lab
we come down
lift door opens
same woman steps in

Stepfather-type-person goes up to her
"Excuse me Miss,are you stalking us?"
Poor lady is shocked "No" says she

"You're sure you're not intelligence?"
___________________________________________

Rewind to 2003

I am in a sexshop somewhere around Leceister Square in London
Stepfather-type-person just happens to be with me
We are in separate aisles

"Jahhhhh, do you think mummy would like the
fluffy pink handcuffs or the nasty leather one?"
He shouts over

People are looking at us weird
(I forget which I pick)

Later on we are looking at vibrators
"Which one?which one?" He asks
"Get the Rabbit, the Rabbit's the best."
(Indeed mine was great, until someone threw it off the balcony)

We walk to the till
the cashier eyes us
"Excuse me sir", he says to stepfather-type-person
"But how are you two related?"

"Oh", he replies
"I am her mother's fucker."
__________________________________________________

2006, We are having dinner one evening
STP, mother and I

He has just been to Central Asia
and is trying to tell me something about Uzbekistan
but he keeps saying Uzkebistan

"Mummy, I think he's a bit dyslexic"

"Yes, Love, I think I am dylestic"
_____________________________

"So, the doctor put you on concetreptives?"
_________________________________

Mom is telling him to wipe the bridge of his nose, he is wiping his chin.
We exchange glances, ignore him.

"So," says mom " I'm feeling really relieved now that our money problems
are pretty much solved."

"Yeah," pipes STP from behind, "We're even having sex three times a day!"
"You should have seen her this afternoon, as I caressed her full bosom
flicking my tongue........."

*Aja claps hands over ears lalalalalala* (eventhough she's driving)
____________________________________________

We are having dinner.
STP is eyening me intently, across the table

"What are you staring at?"

He pretends to slurp up drool, quickly answering "Nothing, darling"
Turns to mom, "She almost caught me fantasising, Love"
*cringe*
____________________________________