Szuf & Ville Get Hitched

Overheard (while eavesdropping) at the wedding:

"Boy, if ever there was a place to have a heart attack,
this would be it."

Sundays

On Sundays in the big smoke, a girl can choose to
wake up at 9 am, continue watching the movie she almost fell asleep
watching (Gone Baby Gone)

She can decide against having lunch with other people
in favour of herself

She can develop a craving for steak
and make a bargain with herself that if she is
going to treat herself, she must at least walk there

A girl can get out of bed at half-eleven
put on her high-waisted white shorts
and wander out in to the (blazing) sunshine

She can amble to Neroteca
and sit herself at the bar and order a cappuccino
she can read, she can decide she is hungry and order lunch
the decide between a bellini or another cappuccino
whether to order the pear, chocolate and walnut tart
as the conversation swirls around her in thick italian

She can then wander off to the bookstore,
buy herself Anna Karenina, because she simply must attempt
to read what is said to be the greatest novel ever

She can come home, bum in bed, play with music,
then get out of bed to meet someone she loves, who loves her
at La Bodega for two glasses of Vino De Sol
before watching Indy
she can enjoy the absolute throwback that indy is

She can have another glass of Vino De Sol
then tapau char kway teow
then come home to bed and think to herself
'hey, I am doing better'
because for the first time in her life, she has decided
to shed this image as wallower
and to gradually try and embrace moving on
to not hold herself back.

Recluse

In situations like this,
You can't sleep but neither can you wake

I spend my time out of bed, wishing I was in it
away from people,

I spend my time in it crying, thinking, tossing, turning
And for once, not sleeping enough doesn't bother me
Not eating doesn't bother me

I spend my days grateful for the distraction that work gives
yet
exhausted by this need to appear normal
this facade that I have to keep, chin up
when the struggle to just be, is already monumental

I'm trying, god help me I am trying to move on
deleted the hundreds of photos (even the backups)
deleted the messages, stopped access
next step is to delete old emails of a blossoming love

Can I face people? My friends? I don't speak of it because it's happened
over and over, and I am the fool to let it, to trust
and i can't be faced with unspoken 'I told you so's'
I don't want advice or your unsolicited take on his point of view
I already know it all, I am a woman, i psychoanalyse both sides naturally
I just want to stop hurting

I want this all to just be over, I want to have gotten over it
already

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After days of having cooped myself at home going stir crazy
I finally spoke to someone close, the dam broke
me walking home to cry over the phone at lunch hour
her getting caught at work with my sobs

We went out that night, good old friends and I
and I felt slightly better, and as fate always has it
they always sense when you might be getting a tiny bit better
and that's when after ignoring you for days, they swoop back in

I will have no more 'I didn't mean to hurt you's
If you didn't then how is it we are here? again

gosh I wont even bother!

nice dinner tonight at Nero
then maybe a bar? people, I want to be dated!

I've been looking at single's nights out too
out of sheer curiosity at who goes to this sort of things
I even got other singles to think about it
I'm taking control. YEAH.

The Thought of Food Makes Me Sick

Which is a first.

I want to read but all my reading material is food-based.

I must stay still, for if I move I want to throw up again.

I want to call for comfort,
to say 'hi I am hurting so bad,help me heal'
but I know
your anger at my pain
will open gates that I want closed.

Comfortable Liar

I am lying in bed, sick, weak
I've been feeling queasy all day, puked a few times
no idea why, doctor gave me some stuff
wish he had given me more, but then again you are not worth it.

To add to that, the pain
Liars always get found out, didn't you know?
What goes around comes around, didn't you know?
It happens, fate and always people get found out in
their lies, even the ones who lie so comfortably.

So many photos of you happy,
but your photographer remains unnamed
I am not even a speck on your landscape
And I don't know you, I don't know you

This life that you keep from me,
This other person you pretend to be with me
This other person who pretends to love,
to be so genuine, how can one person have so many faces?

The you that I know is a fake
Always inconsistent, never dependable
only consistent in your inevitable betrayal

In all the truth I took the effort to tell
For everyone, I got lies in return
Lies that you took the care to repeatedly look me
in the eyes while you told them.

So go and be you, shake of your fake facade,
You are lost to me, and I am to you.