Recluse

In situations like this,
You can't sleep but neither can you wake

I spend my time out of bed, wishing I was in it
away from people,

I spend my time in it crying, thinking, tossing, turning
And for once, not sleeping enough doesn't bother me
Not eating doesn't bother me

I spend my days grateful for the distraction that work gives
yet
exhausted by this need to appear normal
this facade that I have to keep, chin up
when the struggle to just be, is already monumental

I'm trying, god help me I am trying to move on
deleted the hundreds of photos (even the backups)
deleted the messages, stopped access
next step is to delete old emails of a blossoming love

Can I face people? My friends? I don't speak of it because it's happened
over and over, and I am the fool to let it, to trust
and i can't be faced with unspoken 'I told you so's'
I don't want advice or your unsolicited take on his point of view
I already know it all, I am a woman, i psychoanalyse both sides naturally
I just want to stop hurting

I want this all to just be over, I want to have gotten over it
already

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
After days of having cooped myself at home going stir crazy
I finally spoke to someone close, the dam broke
me walking home to cry over the phone at lunch hour
her getting caught at work with my sobs

We went out that night, good old friends and I
and I felt slightly better, and as fate always has it
they always sense when you might be getting a tiny bit better
and that's when after ignoring you for days, they swoop back in

I will have no more 'I didn't mean to hurt you's
If you didn't then how is it we are here? again

gosh I wont even bother!

nice dinner tonight at Nero
then maybe a bar? people, I want to be dated!

I've been looking at single's nights out too
out of sheer curiosity at who goes to this sort of things
I even got other singles to think about it
I'm taking control. YEAH.