tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68653502024-03-13T22:15:27.330+08:00Being LulubelleEaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.comBlogger1894125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-60682625099000309292011-10-24T23:06:00.000+08:002011-10-24T23:06:01.368+08:00Saved by BajaI am hemming and hawing over dinner<br />
work has been draining<br />
and as I peer into the icy depths of the freezer<br />
mentally calculating the time, the steps, I announce<br />
"I can't do it today, I just can't do it."<br />
<br />
And it is a rare occasion indeed in this home when I don't find solace in the ritual of preparing a meal.<br />
<br />
So now the predicament. Where and what?<br />
Mexican I think, then sway towards Vietnamese<br />
but it is the faintest leaning<br />
somewhere in my mind I have Fish Tacos swimming<br />
thats where the heart of my stomach is at.<br />
<br />
So we drive, still uncertain (because my head has not come to terms with my stomach)<br />
and as he takes the turn that leads us closer to Vietnamese<br />
I exclaim, issuing and automatic U-turn into the other direction<br />
<br />
We stand, unsure in front of Pedro's Place, the menu doesn't have Fish Tacos<br />
But its unlikely that I will find that, or good Mexican in Kuala Lumpur town<br />
"Well, lets do it" he says<br />
and in we go.<br />
<br />
The place looks unpromising, we stare at each other<br />
then walk out<br />
<br />
Beside Pedro's, a KFC.<br />
He jokingly says "lets eat here", a half challenge, hungry and tired and my pickiness<br />
knowing I abhor it<br />
"Lets do it," I say<br />
"I'll walk in if you go first," he says<br />
<br />
And so I do.<br />
<br />
As we approach the counter " Are you sure?"<br />
I nod and proceed to order<br />
Halfway through my Snack Plate, I give him my chicken<br />
Say I can't do it<br />
We finish the meal silently.<br />
<br />
He says "Ok baby, lets go find you something to eat, because I don't want you up at 11 needing and <i>proper</i> meal"<br />
And I have given no indication, yet this man knows me so well<br />
<br />
We go to the super, I pick up a snapper fillet, a jar of caliente salsa<br />
taco shells, sour cream<br />
<br />
At home, the fish is seasoned,<br />
a red onion swiftly chopped, lettuce rinsed, a tomato diced<br />
the taco shells are popped into the oven to crisp<br />
the fish onto the hot grill pan<br />
10 minutes later we are piling the greens and hot cubes of moist fish into the corn receptacles<br />
dolloping on the sour cream and salsa, the faintest squeeze of lemon<br />
<br />
The first bite is enough to erase Colonel's secret recipe<br />
It is fresh, crunchy, savoury, tangy<br />
Perfect.<br />
<br />
In it I see visions of opening my own little taqueria<br />
out of an old ice cream van<br />
Fish taco dreams a reality.Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-42928775427792478842011-01-27T10:23:00.000+08:002011-01-27T10:23:13.050+08:00-_-I wake up and we are tangled in each other<br />
warm here, soft there, taut there<br />
<br />
I climb on top of him.<br />
It doesn't matter if he's sleeping<br />
for I am sentimental,<br />
overcome<br />
<br />
"How did you find me, baby?" I ask<br />
<br />
He cracks an eye open...."I find you very interesting..."<br />
(in a Hongky English accent)<br />
<br />
-_- way to wake up.Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-22981427343858393102011-01-25T18:30:00.000+08:002011-01-25T18:30:35.617+08:00StrategyWe are late-ish for work. I hop into the car, briefly turn towards him as I arrange this and that<br />
<br />
"Wah!" he say, appraising me<br />
<br />
"Wah what?" I ask<br />
<br />
"Wah, your hair looks different today..."<br />
<br />
"What does that mean?" defensive, eyes narrowed<br />
<br />
"It means...that...I think your hair needs some <i>strategy</i>.."<br />
<br />
Only a man supremely confident in his place in his relationship with me would<br />
dare say such a thing.Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-29400477906615888682011-01-25T18:26:00.000+08:002011-01-25T18:26:01.176+08:00A Week PassedWe went to Bangkok.<br />
Bought plates for RM2 each because I'm a genius and decided I wanted to shop ONLY for plates<br />
at Chatuchak.<br />
<br />
My objective is set early on for neither of us can stand the heat, nor crowds.<br />
<br />
Up at 7.<br />
Light breakfast, in to buy the plates, eat the requisite fried rice and Thai omelette.OUT.<br />
By noon we'll be out I say, and by noon we are. I surprise myself with my precision.<br />
I am like a military operation.<br />
<br />
We get back to the room and rejoice over our RM4 plates (yeah! That's what I said)<br />
I stack them all together, the dinner plate, salad/pasta plates, the soup bowls, the saucers<br />
Alas! the dinner plates don't match!<br />
<br />
We<i> (I)</i> plan the next day's revisit to change the plates<br />
I mentally marvel at the patience- he is without a doubt<br />
my better half<br />
<br />
We go, we change them, these ones are prettier, more modern<br />
and as we leave the proprietor presses change at us<br />
they cost less, RM2.50 per piece<br />
<br />
We shake our heads in amazement as I doggedly lead us<br />
in and out of the warren of alleyways, searching for Boat Noodles<br />
'but there's one!' well spotted, but its not<i> the </i>one<br />
<br />
We find it. A mound of meats and offal sitting on shaved ice<br />
2 enormous cauldrons of steaming stock with floating balls<br />
piles of dill, basil and <i>pak chi farang</i><br />
I sit and eat, satiated<br />
Then we leave.<br />
<br />
iberry-check, plates-check, fried rice and omelette-check, coconut ice-cream<br />
and bicycling in Lumphini park-check<br />
boat ride and being rowed in the boat by Mr Man-NOT CHECKED!<br />
<br />
oh well.<br />
<br />
We arrive home at 2 am. I potter about the terrace, no one has bothered<br />
and the plants are not watered<br />
all my cucumber shoots are wilted, the four-angled bean and eggplant still sprightly<br />
the petunias shrivelly<br />
I try my best to nurse them back to succulence<br />
as best I can in 2 am state<br />
<br />
As we tumble into bed he turns to me and says,<br />
"baby, at some point, one of us should tell them Simple Life council that we're fucked."<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><br />
</i>Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-82588991834143343062011-01-12T11:40:00.000+08:002011-01-12T11:40:02.087+08:00CatsThe cats come in and out of our house<br />
Strays<br />
<br />
We do not like them because they spray<br />
So, extra care to close the windows,<br />
the thousand sliding doors,<br />
Yet still they enter, climbing, leaping, sneaking<br />
<br />
They bask in the morning sun on the terrace<br />
lounging, aptly, on the sun-lounger, teasing<br />
<br />
We cleaned the house<br />
we bought furniture, a kitchen<br />
<br />
We made it look like people who actually cared, live there<br />
aesthetically a little more pleasing<br />
than<br />
the dusty messed bachelor pad that it was before<br />
<br />
and now they tell me they're putting up netting<br />
on the grills, to keep out the cats<br />
<br />
and I baulk at it, the very sort of thing that will<br />
undo all that has been done<br />
turn a space that I have so very slowly begun to relax in<br />
turn it, by adding something that will needle at me every day<br />
<br />
it takes so very little to upend my sensitivities<br />
but very few understand that<br />
<br />
It is not yet here, and I can't wait to begone.Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-10780616570507578022011-01-06T18:14:00.000+08:002011-01-06T18:14:05.238+08:00Mezze<div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At the bar alone.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And it feels like its been awhile since it was </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">just </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Beside me, a group of five maybe. They are food tasting, wine-drinking, smoke unfurling. The owners of this place,- is what I gather from my unavoidable eavesdropping.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">People are always disturbed by the thought (sight) of a lone woman. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At the bar, in the restaurant. They give me concerned looks as I nurse my glass of wine, peruse the bar, the tiling, the finishing. No one ever thinks that I love it.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The manager comes over, would I like to order first? The girls are 15 minutes late..</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">oh, why not?</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I order duck liver pate, spicy prawns in creamy butter sauce. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The lure of crispy curry leaves.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Maybel arrives, we go to our table. Then Gwyn arrives, a bottle of pinot noir.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We order easily, agreeing to share this and that.</span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2VBYHRuYpJLaCOuSiLzbQ4aVjTa-0viFOruSIwmgCHSlnmqgFC8J0MLIG_gcXwSy4eZa4U2NpMUNuXPpcpscKflahPaLZhYqRYk7ucTRoDel8bRgVY0F3KtqezcC0s8vbYxZZPQ/s1600/IMG00298-20110105-2141.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2VBYHRuYpJLaCOuSiLzbQ4aVjTa-0viFOruSIwmgCHSlnmqgFC8J0MLIG_gcXwSy4eZa4U2NpMUNuXPpcpscKflahPaLZhYqRYk7ucTRoDel8bRgVY0F3KtqezcC0s8vbYxZZPQ/s320/IMG00298-20110105-2141.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The food comes, parpardelle with beef cheeks, grilled spatchcock with</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">provencal potatoes, grilled lamb with cous cous. We put aside a plate for Mel, </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">because if we don’t portion it out we will eat her share. Everything is divine.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Unexpectedly divine, even more wonderful because.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She arrives, eyes red. There are tears, and we all fall silent as she weeps.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I rub her back, we try and comfort. Someone cracks a joke and we feed her, </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">slowly, things get better. We laugh, gossip, plan. The sweet balm of friendship. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dessert-sticky toffee pudding. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They thank me for my recommendation. I accept their thanks.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had walked past Mezze with the boyfriend 3 nights ago.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“ooh!, this place looks nice, you should bring me on a date!” </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">he hemmed and hawed, and I said </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You know what? The girls will be far more game to come with me! I’ll ask them”.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And thus, a newly discovered favourite neighbourhood bistro.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div>Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-82435972144908104622010-12-03T16:43:00.002+08:002011-01-25T18:38:14.668+08:00Simple Life: Day 2Breakfast was but a cup of coffee, Lunch, my wonderful printer bought<br />
(after I told him the sorrowful Simple Life Story)<br />
<br />
Boyfriend spends 10 on his lunch, meaning we have 60 accumulated for dinner<br />
I call him when I am at the store "Pork, beef or chicken for dinner?"<br />
"Pork or beef!" says chicken despiser<br />
"Pork devil curry or, oven-baked with mushrooms and cream?"<br />
"Mushrooms and cream!"<br />
<br />
I wander the store for pork loin, mushrooms, brussel sprouts and mustard seeds. It costs about 55 bucks.<br />
I go home, pour a dry vermouth and juice. Fiddle with the herbs, brown mushrooms, onions. Marinate the meat. B Mr. Man comes home, peels the carrots and potatoes, while I set the meat in vermouth and cream into the oven. He finishes the veg while I shower. And tadah!<br />
<br />
(there was a picture here but I decided it wasn't good enough)Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-67542431583399765702010-12-03T16:41:00.000+08:002010-12-03T16:41:52.771+08:00The MoundHe is clutching his belly, moaning like an injured seal.<br />
<br />
"Baby will you rub<i> hong-eew</i> for me?"<br />
<br />
I moan and groan, riffling through the pile of 'ex-girlfriend products' to find the right wind-dissipating ointment.<br />
<br />
I rub the belly, exclaim "I've never seen such a huge belly!"<br />
<br />
pause..then a soft "Don't bluff."<br />
<br />
"Okay fine, I've never seen such a huge belly on any boyfriend of mine...if this lasts...you won't."<br />
<br />
And my boyfriend laughs at me.Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-28573429399276065662010-12-01T16:26:00.001+08:002010-12-03T16:42:58.100+08:00The Simple Life: Day 1<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The Challenge when you think of it, is pretty simple.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">-30 bucks a day on meals for women, 40 for men (this includes your weekly grocery shop)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">-300 bucks a day for other misc spending (ie shopping)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">-5000 travel/holiday allowance a month</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Other essentials such as car maintenance, toiletries, animal feed exempted from challenge allowances.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The bulk of</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">my</span></i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">expenditure though, has always been spent on food. I'm the person who needs to immediately eat another meal to neutralise the experience of a bad meal. I'm the person who's rather not eat if it isn't what I specified.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Breakfast: 1 slice of multigrain toast with tomme de savoie + fig jam, 1 nespresso latte (home: FOC)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Lunch: Ipoh Curry Mee + Barley Peng (RM21.90)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Tea: Half a curry puff & two pieces of salt & pepper calamari (on the job)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Dinner: Sole & Prawns Meuniere, Green Salad & Brown Rice (cooked by moi, almonds, fish, capers and dill cost 46.34)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Just under the couple budget of RM70 :p</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So now I'm sitting waiting for a supplier at Plan B and devising a way to weasel them into buy me lunch. After all, I'm the client :p</span></span>Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-9918013089047146162010-04-16T15:11:00.006+08:002010-04-16T17:11:22.136+08:00Suspension<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">Maybe it is the seconds <i>in between</i> wakefulness and</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">sleep</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">when you are drifting, already in a dream but not completely</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">submerged within it</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><i>yet.</i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">Maybe it is then that one is at their most open</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><i>vulnerable</i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">I was suspended in that state last night</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">almost lost, yet <i>there</i>, solid on his chest</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">and he said it, again</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">and I could feel it, my natural reaction</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">springing out of me</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">but I caught it, those words</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">and I reeled them back in</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">and they turned around and soothed me</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">told me to allow myself to sleep, that they would be good</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">and a split second before I fell</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">they jumped out, went careening out of my mouth</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">sought him out</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">I remember my shock, such betrayal </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">the momentary fright</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">and then I was out cold.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div>Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-46830305106959724122010-04-09T16:06:00.004+08:002010-04-09T16:14:07.334+08:00Infiltrated<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">I am</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">oval like an egg</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">balancing on its end</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">silvery weight at my very core</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">you</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">are like a slithery sea creature</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">with tentacles that hug every nook and cran</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">every action weighed, yet not</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">stable as a rock wedged</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">in sand</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">back and forth across the line</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">you barely nudge </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">and I sway</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">on this you play</span></div><div><br /></div></div>Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-82158994965638316082010-04-05T15:18:00.004+08:002010-04-05T16:03:17.335+08:00On Knowing, And Not<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">Sometime last week:</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">Me: I want a husband!</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">Married best friend: Don't bluff!</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br />She called it, alright.<br /><br />The more time you spend with someone, the more they get to know you,<br />and vice versa, </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">the more you expose of yourself, the more you build <i>a relationship</i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">and because I try to be </span>myself<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"> as much as possible, I prefer to surround </span></i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">myself with people who already know the different facets of me.</span></i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></i>I am cautious with the people I spend a lot of time with<br />I am very prudent and conscious of the ties that I build, and </span><span style="font-style:italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">don't</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">,<br />romantically, physically<br /><br />At this point in my life I am content with my family, my friends<br />and the level of affection and loyalty I have for them,<br />this is all that I am currently capable of giving.<br /><br />But like any human being, I sometimes second guess myself,<br />I falter, and I say to myself, 'hey you, lets shift dynamics a bit'</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">And also when you are confronted day in and day out by</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">an amazing person so persistent in the pursuit</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">It seems only human to rationalise why you should try</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">or how the positives could balance out the negatives</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br />So I did, I decided to give the girlfriend part a shot.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br />When you shift a person from 'Only Friend' mode<br />to 'Maybe Boyfriend' mode, perspectives change<br />and god, I hate the person I become in a (possible) relationship<br /><br />Its hard to explain, in that situation, I am more critical, my standards<br />come into play and what never niggled at me in 'friend mode'<br />niggles at me constantly, thus it ends with me being annoyed at the<br />person, and annoyed/disgusted at myself for being so rigid, so petty<br />as have to constantly remind myself of the more important </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">beauties of this personality.<br /><br />Then everything else came into play, the logistics of a relationship<br />carting my stuff here and there, schedules, responsibilities etc</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br />Can't do it. Its just stress.<br /><br />And existence of purely myself and my circles of family and good friends<br />is one that is easy, and selfish to a point, but it works for me and it ensures<br />that I commit fully in each place that needs it.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">Could be timing, personalities, or that this just isn't it.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">But to proceed further could be the death of a great friendship.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">That's where I'm at today.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></div>Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-20651547134400963092010-02-24T11:18:00.002+08:002010-02-24T11:23:22.604+08:00RevelationToday I said it, and it made me take a step back and look at myself, the situation<br />the people, actions, world, spinning on axis before me.<br /><br />"I'm so fucking scared I'll get married because I'm bored."<br /><br />In with the NY/CNY festivities in the past months, I've caught up with so many<br />that I haven't seen in a long time and the initial response is always the same<br />"You've been in KL for over 2 years?, that's a record for you!"<br /><br />It is, KL for upwards of 2, Malaysia for upwards of 3.<br /><br />I need a change of scene, a challenge.<br /><br />And don't get me wrong, I do want marriage, kids, the whole she-bang<br />but right now, it terrifies, or maybe I just haven't met the sort of <br />person that it takes to move me into that sort of sphere yet.<br /><br />And maybe I'm not done being just me.Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-53518783875083745802010-02-12T15:15:00.003+08:002010-02-12T15:31:19.524+08:00EyesMy boss and I are pretty close<br />So the other day she asked me for a usual, after work drink.<br /><br />"Can't, I've got a date.'<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">"Is it a blind date?.'<br /></span>"No, but if I married this guy I'd have to be blind"<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">"Maybe you can stab your eye with a fork.</span>."<br />"Maybe I need two forks."<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">"Better use teaspoons, then you can save them as souvenirs."</span><br />"Yes, they can be his wedding gift.."<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">"You bring new meaning to the term 'beauty is in the eyes of the beholder."</span><br /><br /><br />A few days later...<br /><br />I forward her an email that someone has written in very bad english to me <br />saying "You think this is bad, you should have heard him on the phone,<br />made me want to stab my eyes out"<br /><br />She replied with , "You can't, you have to save them for your husband-to-be"<br /><br />"PS this -_- is what you will look like when you give him your eyes."<br /><br />Damn kwai lan.Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-6716201250539613172010-02-12T11:24:00.001+08:002010-02-12T11:24:54.423+08:00Masochistic MeI cancelled a date today in favour of the company of my colleagues/friends<br />who say that I should save my 'date cancelling' template <br />so that I don't have to sit with them and plot, each time.<br /><br />And it wasn't until I sat down with them, took the first sip of wine<br />that I realised that I was upset.<br /><br />I told them what I did, masochistic me,<br />how the permeation of scent served to remind me<br />the clinging embrace<br /><br />And they said 'Oh Aj..' and stroked my hair<br /><br />And sometimes, sometimes I want to stop being the strong one<br />but I don't know how.<br /><br />Sometimes, I wonder if its time to stop deflecting, start engaging<br />stop saying 'we can't' and starting saying 'this is how we can'.Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-79571524211449117552009-12-04T11:55:00.003+08:002009-12-04T11:59:02.690+08:00Work FunI pick up a colleagues call while she's on another line and MSN her about it after.<br /><br /><br />Me: (11:54:01 AM)<br />fong teng from ****** has just return your call<br /><br />Me: (11:54:10 AM)<br />she wants you to return it back<br /><br />Me: (11:54:15 AM)<br />to her, obviously<br /><br />Me: (11:54:24 AM)<br />what kind of a game are you guys playing?<br /><br />:p<br /><br />Her: LOL, phone tag apparently!!<br /><br /><br />This you can do to highly stressed people when they are fielding calls all day and you are 15 minutes to a half day off before a long weekend holiday break at a boutique resort on a beautiful island with a catamaran to sail around the islands and cooking onboard while dolphins trail the boat with your kid sister on her first holiday with you since your mum passed away and ever *DEEP BREATH*<br /><br /><br />Gotta go!Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-59028623248991630102009-11-24T22:15:00.002+08:002009-11-24T22:40:06.812+08:00Month TwoTwo months ago, I arrived in Penang for my best friend's baby shower.<br />A week(or two?) later, I sat in the airport to leave, still coming to terms with<br />all that had happened, finding my mother dead after the baby shower, <br />making arrangements with my aunt in the funeral house, the mortuary<br />the wake, the funeral, the crematorium, cleaning out her effects,<br />her entire life..just gone..<br />so unexpectedly. I tried to write this then.<br /><br />~~~~~~~~<br /><br />No matter what you envision when you think about the people closest to you dying, <br />nothing ever prepares you for the fact. <br /><br />Your imagination cannot begin to conjure it.<br /><br />It’s been a week since we found mother, tried to get into the locked front grill, <br />then once we were in, battering down the room door. <br /><br />A week since I looked at Cheryl and told her I did not want her there, <br />I could not have her there. <br /><br />I thought that mum had finally gone and done it, <br />the suicide that she’d threatened off and on. <br /><br />And I could not bear Cheryl’s last memory of our mother being this.<br /><br />There was a flicker of optimism, maybe that she’d just needed a break, <br />gone on a holiday, away somewhere. <br /><br />That thought filled me with anger, for making us worry, <br />Cheryl at 14.<br /><br />But deep down inside of me, I already knew she wasn’t there. <br />I couldn’t feel her presence. <br /><br />I took Cheryl downstairs, called her dad, called my aunt.<br /><br />I had awoken early that morning, gripped with a slow panic. <br />And I told Sean at lunch, I said ‘I think my mum is dead.’ <br /><br />Cheryl and I had been trying to reach her all of the day before (Friday)<br />I called John, he said he’d tried Thursday.<br /><br />So after I left John battering the door and I took Cheryl downstairs,<br />he phoned me to tell me that ‘Mummy is gone, Ja, she’s gone’ <br />and I said ‘What do you mean gone?’ turning away so Cheryl couldn’t hear me. <br /><br />‘Gone’.<br /><br />I told Cheryl. <br /><br />My aunt says we were crying when she arrived, but everything for me, <br />from then is a blur. I remember bits and pieces, others my friends and aunts fill in.<br /><br />I remember Vig, Kok Meng, Chee Tuck and Ian arriving.<br />Me telling them point-blank. Asking Vig to go and check.<br /><br />Aunt Nat says that I was crying on the phone, I kept telling her to<br />"Just come home, just come home!"<br /><br /><br />I never thought that I’d find myself in the mortuary 9.30pm, <br />Saturday, September 26, signing the papers to release my mother's<br />body. Or there again to identify her, pick her up and take her to the <br />funeral parlour.<br /><br />I never thought at 26, that there would be no mum.<br /><br />I never thought that I would have to collect her death certificate, anyone's death cert<br />at this point in my life.<br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />And then I couldn't write anymore, I boarded my flight and I came back to KL.<br />Joe called me out for a drink, I said I'd just have one, I was pooped.<br />He said "You'll have as many as I deem fit."<br /><br />And now, sometimes I forget, I look at my phone, I think<br />"Oh, I'll call mum" then realisation hits.<br /><br />Sometimes I dream about her, wake up crying, and I can't say I regret<br /><br />but I feel the loss of all the things that I had planned to do with her<br />how I had planned to try and mend our relationship<br />move away from last year and what we had been in my teenage years<br /><br />I wanted to stop being the mother, be more of her friend, <br />then have her be more of my mother.<br /><br />And now, when I watch a movie with the slightest familial<br />or even romantic emotion in it, I'm waterworks<br />because I miss her for all the times in my future that I will need her<br />my next heartbreak, my marriage, my children. <br /><br />For Cheryl, finishing highschool, going away to college<br />for Cheryl growing up.<br /><br />So, two months on, I really hope she's in a better place. <br />And it was peaceful, I'm glad it was peaceful, because my biggest nightmare<br />is that it wasn't.<br /><br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />Cheryl and I go on our first holiday together in 2 weeks<br />Two sisters, different fathers, 400km and 12 years apart<br /><br />We will be on a boat sailing the Andaman sea towards Thailand<br />I dreamt of it, of dolphins trailing behind us, her face lighting up<br />and I can see us, our feet dipping in the salty water<br />wishing our mum was with us somehow.Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-60700819122347705742009-11-24T21:59:00.002+08:002009-11-24T22:09:50.603+08:00CommunicationI suddenly remember that I am supposed to remind C about dinner..<br /><br />A:Please notes that yous and Is ares supposed to having dinners tomorrows<br /><br />C: And Is ares?Dinners noted.Qui tiam ar?<br /><br />A: Dunno. You wanting to coming to town or I meets yous somewheres?<br /><br />C:Vat dju vaan tu eet?<br /><br />A:Maybe we theenks abouts it tomorrows. You have thoughts?<br /><br />C:Haf huf tots ov za pasta. Yummmmmmmmm<br /><br />A:Oowh..za pasta there's many good!here. Za Neros, za baritalia, za chiarascuro, za ciccio, za sumfink sumfink..many!many!<br /><br />C:Okay!Zapasta eet ees!I za hungwy nao.<br /><br />A:I jez eet za beeg salat. Why you no eet?<br /><br />C:I eet. Juz zapasta toto zoundz good.<br /><br />A:Ohkey! Tomorrow we eet zapasta!We try za new gutt!<br /><br />C:Hokay! Eesa dade.<br /><br />A:Wooooh!<br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br /><br />A:We are such lamers. Taking an evening walk on my own and *CRACKING* up! :p<br /><br />C:HAHAha. Penang beeble are spechul.<br /><br /><br />Indeed.Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-25024062244134550672009-11-10T16:38:00.001+08:002009-11-10T16:38:22.917+08:00SilenceIt is an unsaid, intangible "Are we okay?" <br /><br />but, yes, yes we are.Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-72889109631891737052009-11-10T14:18:00.001+08:002009-11-10T14:20:07.429+08:00Rub My TempleIf this is not whipped into place<br />I could start my own forest reserve.Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-79777798135746028722009-11-10T14:05:00.002+08:002009-11-10T14:15:55.850+08:00Time/GamesThe push and pull<br />the ebb and flow<br />the struggle, the ease<br />the tease<br /><br />Why do we play these games, unwittingly<br />whether or not we want to<br /><br />Working so hard to make all things fall into place<br />and some will tell you, 'it isn't so hard'<br />that if it is then its probably not right, not worth it<br /><br />Yet others will say that pain, suffering, work<br />are part and parcel of life<br /><br />So what now?<br /><br />Patience is apparently what I lack.<br />and so I am half-half<br /><br />I want to ask, I want to say<br />So you don't waste your time or mine<br />'what do you want of me?'<br />but then what does that start/end<br />and am I ready for it?<br /><br />I dipped my feet in<br />You let them languish<br />I will dip no further<br />And the pool, if you do not feed it<br />will evaporate<br />uncovering my feet<br />leaving them free to walk onEaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-8612341451195399462009-11-10T13:59:00.002+08:002009-11-10T14:05:45.157+08:00A DreamI dreamt of mother last night<br />probably not for the first time, but it is the first time <br />that it is recalled with clarity.<br /><br />We had found her again, and she was cold as stone<br />So we wrapped her up, in the kind of linen nappies that<br />you wrap babies in<br />It seemed she had been gone for two weeks<br />And as we were wrapping, she woke<br /><br />And I remember thinking about all the arrangements<br />made, the money spent and how come she could be <br />gone two weeks and suddenly wake?<br /><br />The next scene and it is a beautiful day <br />and for some reason we are rushing to the airport<br />through immigration<br />I've forgotten my passport<br /><br />Then mother is at the top of a high building<br />I can't see the top it's so high and concealed by mist and clouds<br />and mother jumps<br />and as she plunges to the bottom <br />I remember thingking 'There is no way someone can survive this'<br />and she lands in a ripple-less dive in the pool at the bottom<br />and then she resurfaces, grinning.<br /><br />What does it mean? What does it mean?Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-62635236841439131252009-11-10T13:55:00.002+08:002009-11-10T13:58:55.652+08:00StickingSome of my close male friends I've insisted on calling by other names.<br />names that to me, seem to suit them better.<br /><br />Like how R is Pete and A is Joe.<br /><br />So couple of months ago, Joe, who has relentlessly fought being called<br />Joe for about 10 years, introduces me to his friend Joe.<br /><br />"Nah Ja, this guy is also another Joe.."<br /><br />My eyes meet his in mirth as realisation of his subliminal acceptance<br />is registered.<br /><br />:DEaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-14825325654194773062009-10-27T15:27:00.004+08:002009-10-27T15:40:28.177+08:00MMJOffice space sharer : Why have you looked so sad recently?<br />Me: My mother just died a month ago.<br /><br />I say it bluntly, to wound rather than invite sympathy<br />for I've never taken to her and her pink crocs<br />and then I feel bad.<br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />Walking to work today shuffling through Augie March, Art of Fighting and Kings of Leon<br />I thought 'Oh I must listen to My Morning Jacket'<br />so I did, and I must have momentarily gotten distracted<br />because I was surprised to be struck by how much I like,<br />no, love My Morning Jacket.<br /><br />The best.<br /><br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />Cooked cous cous and lamb and roast potatoes in duck fat for<br />three people last night, starting at 8.30pm, these latin people sure eat late<br />last arrival at 9pm (with a bottle of choya for moi!)<br />and they help me, stir, chop, peel, as I season <br /><br />"Soy sauce?really?" they say when I marinate the lamb with<br />We duck and stretch, all four of us in the tiny kitchen<br />they pass a joint, I sip from my wine-glass<br />we sit down at 9.30<br /><br />grilled lamb, cous cous, vegetable and chickpea stew<br />golden roast potatoes, pan con tomate, grilled pumpkin and eggplant<br />mint and redcurrant jelly, just us four and the table is laden<br /><br />First we are famished, then too soon, we are unable to eat, move, speak<br />"Can I offer you anything?" my hosts say while I try to figure out<br />how to <span style="font-style:italic;">move</span><br />"If you're going to offer me anything, offer me a bed".Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6865350.post-74081716244206808822009-10-26T09:47:00.003+08:002009-10-26T09:59:58.074+08:00One MonthToday marks a month since we found my mother, <br />but I'd say a month plus a day or two since her death.<br /><br />I went back to Penang this past weekend,<br />to see family, to see my best friend and her new baby<br />and came back late last night, exhausted to the core.<br /><br />And today someone asked me "Was it difficult?"<br /><br />"Was it difficult, or were you iron-strong as usual?"<br />I said to her that while it wasn't that difficult, it was just tiring.<br /><br />Being strong and calm and collected is just tiring<br />but I don't know how to be anything but.<br /><br />I wonder if I'll ever learn<br />Sometimes I feel like I am made of stone<br />so conditioned am I to dealing with the tough<br />that fragility is lost.<br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />My sister and I, hand-in-hand lying in bed<br />talking about her dreams about our mum,<br />hand-in-hand, at the market, picking out flowers <br />to put at her grave,<br />we decided on a red and white colour theme<br />she picks the whites, I pick the reds<br /><br />At the grave, we sit on the marble, rub the dust off (There's dust already?!?)<br />of the picture of mum smiling<br />and then we busy ourselves arranging flowers<br />over mummy and nanna, stripping off leaves, thorns<br />five minutes, ten, twelve past<br />I stand up, look over at the kid<br />"Ready?"<br /><br />We stand hand-in-hand at the foot of mother's grave<br />and I say "May her soul rest in peace"<br />my sister says "Amen" the same time I start to continue with<br />"and let the perpetual light shine upon her o lord"<br /><br />"You got it wrong che-che!" she says<br />"Oh whatever!" I say as we make our way through the headstones and weeds.<br /><br />And then its done.Eaglethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07154922915662239099noreply@blogger.com0