Gloomy Sunday

Sunday, 6.45 pm, Pangkor Laut

In 1933 the song Gloomy Sunday was written
by a Hungarian composer
spinning a crushing emotional tale
it spurred many suicides
so much so that it was banned in many countries in Europe
go read the link la

I was introduced(rather, forced upon) to it ages ago by an ex boyfriend
who played it incessantly after our bad break-up

Today has been slow
a dark cloud has somehow descended on me
for no reason, and it scares me
that it has happened in paradise

The fact that the sun has played peek-a-boo all day
hasn't helped

My seven friends left this morning
as I sat on the cement stump at the very edge of the pier
in the sun (twas' sunny then)
shaping my mouth into a pronounced moue
and pretending to sob and lunge off
into the cool green waters

And, really, it wasn't that bad, them leaving
I have my aunt and uncle is coming
but when I went back to the room it felt
asthough all the joie de vivre had seeped out of me

and I spent the entire afternoon in
glum, working on writing

when I finally stepped out at half-six
I glanced skywards
and thought "Gloomy Sunday'', how apt
then I looked at my Ipod and gave myself a choice
pick some upbeat music to cheer yourself up
or
accellerate your situation with bluesy stuff
cue coltrane and ellington
"In A Sentimental Mood" & "Rhapsody in Blue"
cause'I be blue.

Maybe it's because my camera battery is dead
and I haven't reached my weekend picture taking quota

Guests walk by, and though I normally greet them
chirpily, as though to my own home
today I make little attempt to smile
and try and disappear into the retaining stone wall by the pool
in the ditch-type-thing in which we rested during our trek
in the downpour last Friday

I walk over the sea
peer into the clear shallows
today it is abundant with urchins
I never noticed them til today
how is it possible?
Seems omnious to see them today
all spiky and angry black looking

Fish swim in shoals
I can hear my cacat friends voices in my head
" How do they all go in the same direction?"

"They follow the one in front's tail"

"How does the first one know where to go?"

How ah?