What's Up with the Ovaries?

Not for the delicate ears of men.
Really.
So now, shoo!

A girlfriend calls me last night
It's been awhile since we last spoke
and she's telling me about relationship predicaments
made worse by health, age and other factors engulfing her partner and her
such as a different set of relationship values

A few months ago she found out she has Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
which has somehow made her body clock
tick faster
she knows that the probability of her having kids after 30
is low
she's 26 now, and in her condition
childbearing-ness doesn't come easy
thus hormone therapy is needed
A year in advance may(as in might) produce a baby

So, she doesn't have that much in the way of time.

Her relationship however, started as one
without promises of a future
right when they started, her man made clear
that he didn't believe in marriage unless absolutely completely
as-sure-as-possible
he also made clear that babies are a no-no

His rationale is well, rational
"How can I take responsibility of another being's future
when I don't even know what my own is?"
I guess he also willingly admits to selfishness.

So when they started, she was cool with it
after all, who starts out in a relationship immediately planning marriage?

But now, now she knows that if she waits too long
she may never have her own kids
worse yet, if she decides to stay with someone
who never wants kids.

So she is, reasonably, trying to plan long-term, think long-term
which is just a process of turmoil really.

"Why must you have your own kids? Why can't you adopt?
Why do you women always just want to settle down
and get married and have kids? Do you not think theres more
for you out there?"

Those are the comments she gets when she tells certain (not all)
men friends about her predicament.

Most women want children of their own
it's an in-built need
completion of a cycle
same as that need to nurture others
cook for our families, make sure
everyone is wellfed, happy, warm
since the dawn of time, it's what we were created to do

And of course, above all people she and I know
that there is indeed more to life than having babies
and marriage,

she's an extremely successful woman
with a good job and everything headed her way
but when she is faced with the fact that
even if she may not want kids now
if she waits too long
she may never be able to have kids
what's a girl to do?

An awful place to be indeed.
Add that to the fact that her hormones are berserk
and she's see-sawing left and right, diagonally etc
on an emotional roller-coaster
and feels less of a woman because she can't do
what women were created to do
as easily as other women.

Yeah, like it or not, we were made to have babies
and it's not something we should shy away from
at all
it makes us stronger and I won't go so far as to say
more important but hell,
we bring a lot to life don't we?
Careers and such are only add-ons to
the quality lives we already lead
just by being gifted the responsibility of childbearing.

So how can they fault her for considering something
she wouldn't be considering if she didn't have that condition?

I listen. For that is the only solace I can offer.
My mind is a riot of thoughts
for if I found out I couldn't have kids of my own
I don't know what I'd do
adopt for sure, but like it or not
the void will stay
Now I worry, the bleeding has started again

"Babe," I blurt " I 'm still bleeding"

"What? For fucks sake, go see a doctor babes,"

"I dowan."

"Why?"

"It's too expensive babe, it's crazy."

"Now you know babes, have to save up to go doctor right?"

You see, when she was first diagnosed and had to
go for regular check-ups, she didn't
and I bugged her, even offering to escort her
telling her it wasn't something she could put off
and now, now here I am, same position

It's not that I can't get family support or anything
I can, but I guess she and I are alike in a sense that
being independent women, who earn our own money
we don't like asking for help
and then there's face, and bothering other people.

and she earns like, 6 times what I earn
and I know that the next time I go and see
the doctor she will want to admit me and do the
bloody (bloody alright) D & C
and who's going to hold my hand?

Moving on to another issue,
how many young women my age are doing this?
Sick, yet putting off doctors visits
because we just can't afford it,
and don't have the time for lines at GH
or even want to visit GH in the first place?

I'm willing to bet alot.
Yes, yes, and health insurance?
When we can afford it ya?

Sometimes I am dumbfounded by my own stupidity
yet sometimes, you just can't help it.