Life, Love

Scene: Girl badly in need of haircut sits hunched over computer
in dark study, in front of her, a big picture window
lets what little light there is in. The sky is overcast,
throwing down misty rain. Her forehead is knitted in tension.

Yesterday I sat, brow furrowed
confused, again.

This year has been a year of opportunities
where everything good has seemingly been
offered to me on a silver platter
love, directions in life, work

And while I am overwhelmed with gratitude
these offers pose a problem
decisions, because you can never have your cake
and eat it too.

Choose one, forgo another,
pick this, risk losing this
and me, I always know the rational choice
but picking it doesn't scare me any less

Some things I fought against with all my might
things that went against me, my principles and world
but eventually realised it was a force bigger than me
and turns out to now be what positively propels me

Other things I conciously choose, or am strong enough
to say no to and stick to it

I left home;
I left Denmark and decided not to go home
and recently I was offered a dream job in KL
writing about food, for healthy money
with a superb company
but decided I had given my word that I would stay here
so I would

And now, another proposal
that takes me so close to attaining one dream
(at least)
far before I ever thought possible

But.
it means me coming home, me slaving, me risking
it means me having expectations heaped upon my shoulders
and it scares me
that now that this dream is upon me, I may not be ready for it
but if it came true oh...

But chasing that dream means risking losing something
I've fought so hard to keep alive
and I don't know if my passion will be the same without it.

Please god let me find a way to keep both.
Please.

*shakes self*

Arrgh.

Anyway I looked up, looked out of the window and
saw yet another rainbow
Maybe its a sign.

You know what they say about somewhere over the rainbow?
Or a pot of gold at the end..?
Or there's always a rainbow lurking in
a raindrop..
(sheeeet made that one up)

The rain.
Its amazing the things you can come up with
when you're stuck in traffic in the downpour
like how, try as you may, you can never sync
the back windscreen wipers and the front ones
not good for anal people.

It was hailing yesterday too
little pieces of ice melting in acid rain.

Is there a cocktail called Acid Rain?
think I should concoct it for my restaurant

*whooosh*

Commentator: And she's gone!