Silver Bells~!Silver Bells!

Christmas is like my favourite time of the year

ever.

Ever. Ever. Ever.

I just realised how much I am going to be missing out
on SO MUCH at home when I read last year's archive.

This is the first time I'll be away since India
fucking India
that was worlds away, a lifetime ago.

No rushing around last minute shopping
no traffic jams
no mountain of presents
no aunties swearing
no eating and eating and eating
no drinking (oh wait, can do that here)
no aunty Mill's ribs.

Its not like it won't be family-ish here
Last weekend we made Christmas cake
NMTP :"Now its a bit late in the year but we shall
have to pour brandy over every..."

"Day" cuts in Dadman

NMTP swipes her husband across the head
"Every week! You alcoholic!"

As soon as she turns her back, he leans over
"I'll tell you what we can do Aja.."

And since I'll be in Prague for Christmas
they said we'll do a proper Christmas dinner
when I come back!

And we will have a REAL christmas tree soon
and it might snow
and ummmm
and whatever la.

Its just not the same as Christmas at home is it?
I am never not coming home for Christmas again.

You all better miss me. A LOT.

Two Aunties

Conversations on GoogleTalk:
Me: Aunty Mill, can you email me your ribs recipe please?
*Mill is typing*

Me:....

* Mill is still typing*

Me: La-dee-dah....

*Mill is still typing*

Me: Shoo-wup-doo-wee

Aunty Nat comes online.

Me: Hey dawg, how was your Alliday?

Nat: Me don't want to talk about it!

Me: Why la, why la why la? TELL ME!

*Mill is sti......*

Me: So does this mean that since I am not there
for Christmas, there is no exchanging of presents?

Nat: You got that right!

Me: =(
Eh, I asked your sister a question 15 mins ago,
she's STILL typing
can you please phone her and ask her to hurry up?
I think it would be funny.

Nat: LOL Did it already. She said we're so bad.

Aunty Mill finally finished.
She complained I wasn't hi-tech enough
and didn't have a mike.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

3 days later, I am talking to Nat again.

Me: I think its only Malaysians that say that "your head lah!"
so nice

Nat: Yalah. Yesterday right...wait ah

Me: Waiting waiting
as long as you don't make me wait as long as Aunty Mill did

Nat: When i was at the post office...there was this couple
both very polite and all

me: Hmmm then?

Nat: Then when they got down to the stamps
he starts calling his wife an 'arsehole' and 'ur head lah'

Me: Hahahaha

Nat: Shocking lah

me: Why suddenly?

Nat: Yalah u tell me. Angels to demons

Me: Make me laugh so loud the builders think I am crazy
hahahahaha, I can so imagine it.

Nat: well dressed and all

Me: hahahahahaha! sheeeeeeeeeeetttttt
Chinese la?Indian?

Nat: Just imagine high-class chinese mom and dad

me: Serani?ang moh? hahahahahahahahahaha
he suddenly called his wife an arsehole?

Nat: She was looking for the 50cents stamp..

me: OMG aunty Mill in online. Better not say HI.
Afterwards must wait one hour.

Nat: she said none...then he started to call her names..lol

jahahahahahahahahahahahha

me: i cant stop laughing

me: you see, i just told her I am making the ribs,
NOTHING>no answer.

Split In/To Camps

Recently someone asked me if I wanted to be their
partner, open a restaurant in Penang.

This means forgoing California next year
Going back to Malaysia in August
working in a pro kitchen for half a year then
proceeding with our business from there

My partner would be someone with over a decade’s experience
running successful hotels
Someone who loves me and would only do the best for me
Someone I trust.

My fears would be not knowing enough to manage my own kitchen
But I could always hire staff, and we would start
on a small scale.

Trust me, I know the dedication, sweat, toil it entails
don’t tell me to read Bourdain or Ramsay or Stroobant
I knew about them far before most did
I’m probably the only one that squealed with
excitement when Zach told me he got his Larousse
so naturally he was part of my council

“Penang? Restaurant?” he said, “I am not sure if they’re ready”
“California?Wine-country? Thomas Keller? Oohhh baby!”

But I am not talking haute cuisine here
I am talking good, simple food; cosy yet sophisticated ambience
good wine, good coffee, good music.

Father says we might not have the clout to pull it off, the market
But father doesn’t go to these sort of places, ever

But I do, and I know lots of people who do
All of us, the ones who do Bagan and the like

I want it to be in between Bagan and La Bodega Deli
Somewhere to do a late sunday brunch, proper bacon ad bangers
play Pictionary in the afternoons,
settle in for a sumptuous supper and some jazz.

But it means giving up travelling, writing
(which some say I would blossom more from)
for awhile

Predictably there are some who are all for it
and others against.
The ones sceptical ones who think
writing, travelling and gastronomy isn’t a career
(because it sounds too easy)
so I should come back, do something ‘solid’

Then there are the ones who look at where they
are now, at how they can’t get out
are too afraid to get out
So they tell me not to get in.

But I guess neither camps truly understand me
My passions, my chosen career paths, me.

And all of my confidantes, advisers are much older than me
and,
hardly anyone is truly happy where they are
Moaning in ruts, unwilling to risk everything to do what they really want
stuck in a way of life that society has drilled into
them as ‘right’.

Blinders.

Either way I go, it’s a circle, it leads me back to the same things
Either way, I will learn, blossom, be fulfilled.
Food, children, travel, writing.
Writing, travel, food, children.

Someone said ‘Travelling isn’t a career path,and neither is a children’s shelter,
it wouldn’t pay the bills’

But right now, that’s exactly what pays the bills,
even before I left Malaysia
writing about food and travels.

This is when you realise someone totally doesn’t get you.

And me, I can take a step back and say,
Some people will just never see, and leave it.

I said, to a certain degree
Its not about money or success, its about waking
up every morning, feeling good about what I do.

The question is what comes first.

Just Call Me..

A dark woman that I don’t find particularly beautiful or sexy
is making her way down Daniel Craig’s washboard abs

I am reflecting on how he is
definitely not handsome in a classic way
But definitely rugged, definitely manly, definitely masculine
He wears that bond tux in such a careless,
yet extremely natural way.
Definitely beyond a doubt, sexy.

Sitting on my left, YM nudges me.
“Aja, where is she heading towards?” he whispers gesturing screenways.
“Shut up, don’t ask me things like that” I retort

On my right, NMTP and Dadman are holding hands.

Later, the Englishmen agree hands-down
that Daniel Craig is the best Bond ever,
and that that could very well be the best Bond movie ever

These movie people, they say
"Finally! A bond who can act!"

Brilliant casting, brilliant script

Eve Green will for ever go down as the only Bond girl with substance,
who made the difference.

I want to see it again, right now.

A Year Ago

Life last year * click*
How quickly things change!

Double!

Saturday, slept in late
YM made orange-french toast for brekkie
then went to a Christmas Fayre
where Dadman, NMTP and I each won a bottle
of wine for £1

For lunch, I split one of Mr.Lush's
roast pork rolls into half
add rocket and tomatoes to balance it out
make it seemingly less artery clogging
and I set out for a one hour walk
sandwich snug in my pocket.

Because these kinda things, you can only eat without feeling
guilty if you add vegetables and exercise, in cold weather.

Thus I walk and munch
cold air seeps into my ears and stings them

I decide one hour isnt enough and tackle the great big hill
get to the bottom, look over the bay
and, a double rainbow!

Gallop uphill, almost fall downstairs trying
to get to the camera
you can almost see the second one
if you squint (=

Champagne Supernova

As I stepped out the front door
I said to myself (or myself said to me)
Who cares you freak?

Myself said, “Great, raining. Again.”
Big fucking surprise.

I have become like them.
All I talk about is the weather.
“Are you orright luv? Pourin’ out there innit?”

But you get here, and you just have to understand
This weather, it consumes you
Eats you up like a big sea of clotted-cream
And no there are no scones and strawberry preserves accompanying.
Tangent.

Anyway we were at; me and myself, out the front door.

Stepped into the car, turned it on
Water sheeting down the glass panes
BBC Radio one has done a week long poll
And are just about to tell me the results
For ‘Vote for your favourite Oasis tune’

Champagne Supernova starts to play
Then, I am whooping,the volume is at max
taken back to an evening much like this
the wet, the car, the song- but different country.

A bumper sticker shouts out
“I’m so horny even you have a chance!” at me
and I consider putting it on a T-shirt for me as
I break into a smile

Rugby. Of course, this is Wayyy-ills (as they say it)
Its all about the rugby, baby
So if you don’t get the game, do as I do and work on those
pretending skills.

Tommorrow is the big game against the All Blacks
And you know what they did
To show their support for the national team?
The people voted for the staff of the No.1 radio team
To come up with and perform a new version of Bread of Heaven
And tomorrow all the supporters will sing it at the game
How cool and patriotic is that?

There's this thing going around about
You know how the All Blacks do the haka before the game?
Well once, (they wish) they say the welsh team did a poncey dance
To ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ in mockery
That would be funny
edit: Wales got plastered

And there I present, the little things that change your day.

Life, Love

Scene: Girl badly in need of haircut sits hunched over computer
in dark study, in front of her, a big picture window
lets what little light there is in. The sky is overcast,
throwing down misty rain. Her forehead is knitted in tension.

Yesterday I sat, brow furrowed
confused, again.

This year has been a year of opportunities
where everything good has seemingly been
offered to me on a silver platter
love, directions in life, work

And while I am overwhelmed with gratitude
these offers pose a problem
decisions, because you can never have your cake
and eat it too.

Choose one, forgo another,
pick this, risk losing this
and me, I always know the rational choice
but picking it doesn't scare me any less

Some things I fought against with all my might
things that went against me, my principles and world
but eventually realised it was a force bigger than me
and turns out to now be what positively propels me

Other things I conciously choose, or am strong enough
to say no to and stick to it

I left home;
I left Denmark and decided not to go home
and recently I was offered a dream job in KL
writing about food, for healthy money
with a superb company
but decided I had given my word that I would stay here
so I would

And now, another proposal
that takes me so close to attaining one dream
(at least)
far before I ever thought possible

But.
it means me coming home, me slaving, me risking
it means me having expectations heaped upon my shoulders
and it scares me
that now that this dream is upon me, I may not be ready for it
but if it came true oh...

But chasing that dream means risking losing something
I've fought so hard to keep alive
and I don't know if my passion will be the same without it.

Please god let me find a way to keep both.
Please.

*shakes self*

Arrgh.

Anyway I looked up, looked out of the window and
saw yet another rainbow
Maybe its a sign.

You know what they say about somewhere over the rainbow?
Or a pot of gold at the end..?
Or there's always a rainbow lurking in
a raindrop..
(sheeeet made that one up)

The rain.
Its amazing the things you can come up with
when you're stuck in traffic in the downpour
like how, try as you may, you can never sync
the back windscreen wipers and the front ones
not good for anal people.

It was hailing yesterday too
little pieces of ice melting in acid rain.

Is there a cocktail called Acid Rain?
think I should concoct it for my restaurant

*whooosh*

Commentator: And she's gone!

 

How To Tell She Didn't Grow up Here

(a) She's wearing white- it rains everyday

(b) She's wearing flip-flops in under 10 degree weather

(c) She doesn't know where the fog lights are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well enough of that.

Today I went to Ikea to get a
fleecy blankey that I can lie in nakey.

Ikeas are the same the world over.
I saw the blanket that I have at home
in Penang, with Henry

I saw the one aunty Nat has on the futon
so I bought the only other one.

Ikeas smell the same to.

So you would think they would think they
would also have curry-puffs right ?
wrong.
(no really, I am not that stupid)

Sigh.
Guess no ones going to send me those eh?
(=

Didn't think so.

Indian Givers

So then hor, after being thrown the biscuit on
the string yesterday
and being duped into thinking the 'schedule'
was back to normal

I woke up this morning to find YM home.
Asthma konon.

Better change the subject or I'll bang me head against the mirror
and smash it to a bloody pulp
yes, I have a slightly morbid imagination
so what?

Its been cold, it has
so cold that some days you just don't want to get
out of bed

Somedays you just crave some super-warming
Kway Teow Th'ng

Somedays (strangely) you just crave a double Ramly burger special

Somedays you crave Horlicks
(havent had that in a decade)

And somedays you miss your siblings
even if they're only half.

Definately driven by weather, I am
can't wait, as father says,
til spring is sprung.

I've taken to putting my jar of moisturiser on the
heater so that when I come out of the bath
the cream is nice and warm.

Mother has no tumour,
'pparently its gone, or the attendant was talking
out of their arse.

Over and out.

Pears and What-Not

The other day someone who barely reads my blog asked me if I‘ve blogged.

I guess that says something huh?

Maybe I am one of those people who live according to the weather,
if so, then honey, we’re in for a long and hard winter.

Or maybe the weekend just bugged me.
Basically someone spread entirely untrue rumours and
caused the death of a meaningful friendship.

Makes you see the fragility of relationships
and how one slip of the tongue for 5 minutes of gossip
can affect another person’s life.

Another thing that bugged me, while matters were sorted out (damage done, though) in typical Malaysian fashion, I was told to let it go, to not confront.

“Forget about it lah!”

Which I think is just bollocks, but isn’t that the Malaysian approach?
About everything? ‘Relax la brudder’.

Its fucking ridiculous. If there’s one thing I truly truly hate its that
non-confrontational attitude.

Another person gets off scot-free, doesn’t realise the consequences of their actions,
and continues. Bastards.

But heck this wasn’t supposed to be a ranty post.

Imma try again.

So finally after a month, yesterday was
my first true day ‘on my own’. Tuesday.

I waited for the cable guy to come and
took 80 pictures of a pear and a bowl of fruit while he did his thing.
Saw my 3rd rainbow in a row.
Felt special.Specially selected by
designer of the universe to experience such sights.
Uh-huh.
Thrilling.

Then had chicken kiev, cous cous and vegetable stew for lunch,
went to the station and promptly missed the train
I did not let that deter me, After all I had cous cous for lunch
Cous cous makes the world a better place.

I decided I would drive to town.
Something never done on my lonesome.
Fared well and made it to my appointment on time.
Stepped into a salon and allowed a pregnant woman
to order me to strip and coat my body with hot wax.
Oooh baby.

Walked around town, walked to university,
allowed myself to momentarily be down for missing out,
then went back to the car and paid 40 ringgit for parking
Bought not a single thing at the highstreet.
Proud of self.

1 week ago:

“ Look, do you like my new jumper? Guess how much it cost, guess!”

YM: 20 pounds? 25?

Me: 3 pounds, can you believe it? Oxfam.

YM: *recoils* Oxfam? You went to a charity shop? Urrrghhhh. What if someone died in that sweater?

Me: Don’t be silly, I don’t care, its pretty. I think of it as ‘vintage’.

YM: Yay to the delusional!

Funny I’d never think of shopping at charity shops back home. Never!

Question? What is the significance of Beyonce's
'to the left, to the left?'

PMS SURVIVAL TIPS

Since I am not blogging, Have a laugh!

Walk Wind Whipped

I am a big supporter of walks
especially when my mind is troubled

It was when I went to sleep last night
then when I woke up and checked my email
it continued

And I simmered and steamed half the day
then decided I couldn't sit around all day
cocooned in negativity

So I took a walk.

The day was beautiful, clear and blustery
I walk the pier and cliff-top
hair mussed, clicking fingers to Muse
the inside of my ears sting with the cold

and I smiled at everyone I passed
collecting smiles back until I lost count
and just like that, it's better.

Somethings you can't help
others, you can.

Humanity will always have low-lifers bent on
breaking you, whether they do it knowingly
or not.

Bollocks to the Bells

Hmm disturbing email has me flummoxed
but I guess I can't change anything
if I haven't done anything
its just annoying to think that I put
more into something so easily forgotten.

Oh well, c'est la vie?

Babe, I'm sick of all the drama too
and I am not even there

and how can people be so sick
as to gossip about an event that happened nearly two months
ago; then jump to conclusions
poison what is good?

Get a fucking life.

Its very disheartening to know that people
don't grow wiser with age;
that they're still boxed up in their own make-belief
worlds and have no respect for other people's;
that words you make up for your sick entertainment
can ruin lives and etc;

that some people are so easily swayed.

Saturday

I made heart-attack quiche for lunch


then put up pictures up on my magnetic board of all
that's dear
(more pics to print)

 

Chats et Chiens

3 pm, 9º C and I’ve just come in from the doctor’s.
Same problems as before except not so >

I have to go back to the doc at 5
Cabin fever is escalating and I tell myself I simply cannot
stay home in between.

I cast my eyes towards the window
Sunny.Ish.

I’ll take Percy, go to my favourite café and try and write.
Coldish but I can do without my coat, circulation is good for you.
I don’t need no Yomeishu.

So I collect my stuff, walk down the hill
Then change my mind about the usual café
And decide to try a new one.

This one is decidedly more posh.
Café cum art gallery.
And a further walk.

I order a cappuccino and a yoghurt coated flapjack.
Flapjacks are my new thing
They make me shit well and masquerade as a sweet dessert.
They are misleading in a good way.

Dadman calls to find out where he must pick YM from
Then chides me for not taking the car “You’ll get soaked”
I look out of the window and it is pouring buckets.

Percy must be saved!

This new café gets points for clean minimalist decor
Scratchy jazz, good coffee, and from what I can tell by
shamelessly peeking at other people’s plates;
aesthetically pleasing food
(obviously that is not an indication that it provides
taste-bud orgasms)

It loses points for beingcramped
and filled with ‘ladies who lunch’ plus lonely distinguished (gay?) men.
Seems pretentious-like
And I’ll be the first to admit (before some wanker points it out)
That I normally like this type of place, but not today.

They’re playing Stephane Grapelli.
Outside a brilliant rainbow is arcing across the bruised sky.
Why am I the only one who notices it?

Oh rain, rain go away.
Come again when Percy’s tucked away.

A Package! A Package!

Yay!

I was going apeshit over
not even being able to enjoy Cleaning Day for chrissake
then waking up early to find out I needn't have to.

I was sitting here steaming
well pissed off.

Then....the brass knocker.
Wah bound up the stairs like an Olympic gymnast

And wahey! Package for moi
Orr Tau Eew has come
and so has a lovely stripey green dress
that I will have to wait til summer to wear.
It said "Happy Birthday!" somemore

A month after.

Thanks babes! I owe you 30 Ringgit worth of
Malaysian stamps (;

I love packages. I love them.
LOVE THEM.

I know I have another belated present that
is supposedly lost somewhere. But some how
2 packages sent after that one has arrived.

Anyway. Not so ape-shit now.
I shall go pig-out or something then maybe
it will be completely better.

URrgh

I am so going fucking
APESHIT!

Cous Cous & Cod

Is what I made for supper last night
I tell you this because I have nothing of any significance
that I feel like sharing today.

Nothing at all.

Maybe its cos I hardly slept and woke before dawn cracked
oh wait..
here's something
You know who really bugs me?

Embassy or consulate people
especially those in Malaysia
they don;t know a thing about actually giving constructive information
they have this knack of telling you things you already know
not things you need to know

They only know how to tell you to refer to their
friggin website, and not offer you an alternative

I did refer to the website numbnuts
and it didn't have the answers
that's why I am contacting you.

Such Einsteins.

Obviously I've had to deal with a lot of them the past year
and will have to in the coming
with travelling and work plans and etc..

 

Head vs Heart

Frou's post about tickles reminded me of
something I'd recently pondered.

How much is too much honesty in a relationship?

Once upon a time I was head over heels
with a man whom I knew was completely in love with me

But before we got to being in love with each other
still in that 'friend' stage
he confided in me that he was in love with a girl
who was marrying someone else.

Months later, we lay tangled in bed
and I let my mind and mouth wander
"If she dumped him, would you want to be with her?
leave me?"

I knew what the answer would be
But he started with " You know, I thought about that.."
and just like that alarm bells pealed
I had woken the sleeping dogs,
I didn't want to know that he'd thought about it,
I just wanted a straight out "You're the only one for me now"
naive as it was, sometimes we just want the reassurance.

But the heart and mind can sometimes
be so completely in sync
and sometimes so separate

You can be madly in love with someone, certain
yet your mind will wander
cast you a role in a thousand different scenarios
that give you the *tickles* as Frou mentioned
and yet, you know all that could/would never be
in reality

So how could I begrudge him for something that I myself had
thought about, with different characters?

They always say follow your head, not your heart
but its your head that takes you to these places
while your heart stays faithful.

The Mutt's Nuts

I have recently acquired a pen-pal
(or hang on, we use no pens, would that be a keyboard-pal?)

Anyway, said pen-pal is (hopefully) no crazy stalker
and no where near me
and sends verbose, lingering emails, almost as random as mine

Today he sent a poem written, for the woman who has his heart

I read it when I woke and thought
'what a simpering, love-sick fool'
then banged my head against the wall
because I no one writes ME stuff like that.

Rubbit in why dontcha.

Anyway, I wrote k-pal back real short and
told him simply that I thought his poem was
the dog's bollocks.

Which of course, as the great british comedian
Eddie Izzard once tried to explain to an uninterested
NY audience, is a brit expression describing
something that's the absolute apex.

Like the 'cat's pajamas' or 'the bee's knees'.

K-pal immediately assumed that it meant 'good'
and assumed so, in a 'sure, but-almost-maybe-not-quite manner'

*excerpt alert*

Wait...I just realised...don't tell me that dog's bollocks means incredibly sweet...cuz that's just gross. *lifts eyebrows quizzically*

*Imaginary tea party with Aja *
"I say, Aja, good lady...your chocolate rum balls taste delighfully like dog's bollocks. Do be a dear and pass me another helping."

Then came the quest to find a Malaysian equivalent
that made me LOL
'the Tapir's testes'?, 'the Gajah's gonads'?

I'm glad I LOL-ed
I awoke to find, that not only is YM still home with
a different ailment, but so is Dadman.

My quest for 8 hours of alone-ness is becoming a huge joke.

Time

It's 1.45 am here, and 9.45 am in Malaysia.
Maybe its time I went to sleep eh?

But cannot wor! Dunno why.
I 've been thinking about life, humanity

A friend(expat) wrote me recently
telling a tale of how he was driving on one of the deserted
trunk roads back home when he ran over a
rubber tapping hook
and out of nowhere popped a stranger who
helped him change his tire in the driving rain.

And oh how he thanked heavens for this
good samaritan and graciously (on his own accord)
parted with his last 100 RM

Only to be told later, by his colleagues that it
was all planted, planned.

Then his faith people plummeted. His faith in Malaysians
maybe, but these kind of things
happen the world over.

And who can blame him?

And that's everyday life, a small percentage of the bad
we get cheated, stabbed, hearts broken
left in the dust.

Then there's this religious war
nonsensically endings of thousands of lifes
for what?

Where is it safe to bring up a child?
(not that I am having one)
But if I were to have one, how could I possibly protect it?

Yes I know, arm him or her with knowledge,
street smarts, the abilty to think rationally on one's feet, martial arts

And yet JM says, with so much conviction
"I know the heart of life is good"

And I believe it. I really do.

Putty

Last week I whipped out some handy
Japanese sachets that dear aunty Pat sent me
I served up Tori Karaage, Gyu Don, Japanese Omelette
and Brocolli in Oyster Sauce.

"How did you slice the steak so thinly?"
Good question since that was the trickiest part- we don't get the
super fine slices that we can find in Malaysia

"I froze the steaks slightly and used
a very sharp knife."

"Ooh. Wouldn't have thought of that!"

As most Japanese meals are high in the
umami factor, I soon had them kow-towing to my
kitchen skills and
confiscating my passport.

"You're never to go home"

So today, I decided for the first time ever
to make beef rendang complete with kerisik
(but limau purut leaves illek).

YM took one mouthful and said
"Is it possible for you to make something
that doesn't taste good?"

" Um...well I could try"

"No, no , no don't please, ignore him!"
Dadman butted in.

I may never be Michelin starred,
but hey! at least I'm making people's tongues smile.

Which brings me to the UK's top 3 chefs
Heston Blumenthal, Gordon Ramsay and Jamie Oliver
each spectacular in their own way

Heston all nerdy, yet a complete genius with his unconventional
molecular cooking
(my cousin once told me, that when they ate at his
restaurant was the only time she saw her
then boyfriend of 6-7? years close to tears)

Gordon with his ruthless, scathing tongue and practical approach

Jamie with his dedication to good, simple food
and turning around the UK school dinners and helping
disadvantaged people.

To say I will eat at a restaurant of all three chefs
would be presuming that I will receive a humongous windfall
sometime in the next year.

To say that I will most definately eat at ONE,
is attainable

(even if I have too sell my Ugg boots or
starve for a month or sell my babies)

Evolution of Dance

Hope it makes you laugh as much as it made me!

Toosday News

The window washer just winked at me.
I was cleaning the floor with my headphones in
and turned around and there he was outside
scared the blinking bejesus out of me.
I don't know whether gracefully take it as a compliment
or shudder.

YM is still home.
(He says)His mother says wait til he's 100% better
I mean what does the kid have to be able to do,
backflips?

Blimey.
(yes,and then I caught myself saying that)

I am thinking of quitting.
Blogging I mean.

So Perfect In Its Flaws

Ever get the feeling you just can't reach
something, someone, somewhere
stretching but not quite getting there

Like when you need to speak with someone
and wait all day to do so
but when you do, they can't quite be there
the exact way that you want
so it puts a damper on your mood
because if you can't have it your way
you don't want it at all kinda thing

Things are always standing in the way
interests, work, time, space.

Yep? Me too.

Country Livin

worchestershire

I be home.
Country life is, uh..nice?
The pictures, for the extremely bored
endless pictures of fruit and berries, and empty rooms
*click* if you're desperately bored.

Lets hope the kid goes to school tomorrow eh?
Some pampering and 'me' time
would be a right treat.

Mood:Bleak

Angel! If there was a place we didn’t know of,
And there, on some unsayable carpet,
Lovers displayed;what they could never bring to mastery here-

The bold exploits of their high-flying hearts,
Their towers of pleasure,
Their ladders that have long been standing where there was no ground
Leaning just on each other, trembling;

-And could master all this, before surrounding spectators
The innumerable soundless dead;

Would these, then, throw down their final, forever saved-up,
Forever hidden, unknown to us,
Eternally valid, coins of happiness
Before the at last, genuinely smiling pair on the gratified carpet?

-Rilke

Need time on my own.

How does one ever explain this without making
other people feel bad for being alive?

Its not as easy as escaping the house
a walk alone;
Its about having the time to let my mind wander
unencumbered by 'duties' or 'feeling obliged'
Its also straying from the normal routine
that has my hackles raised.

Half considering not going to Worchester for the
weekend.

An SMS

"Oh My god! I just caught myself
blowdrying my chest hair!
Quite a worrying development in my grooming
practices, but strangely titillating.."

With friends like these, who needs comedy?

Where Is My Orr Tau Eew?

Dear Babe,
Please read the subject line.
Then read it again.

Kanneh. It feels like I've been asking for
Orr Tau Eew forever.
I think I asked Bantum before
then I asked the Bard (maybe)
I may have asked Daddy too.

Obviously, we cannot get PROPER Orr Tau Eew here right?
What we get is indonesian kecap manis
which basically doesn't have that thick
smoky caramelly flavour that Malaysian
Orr Tau Eew has.

YM thinks I am a weirdo when I go to the asian
stores and turn the glass bottles upside down
to gage (gauge) (inside joke sorry)
the consistency of the Orr Tau Eew
(all not thick enough)
then put each down in disgust.

Orr Tau Eew is imperative for
Tau Eew Bak
Fried Beehoon
Char Hor Fun
Hokkien Char
er...and um..other things.
Heck even roast chicken.

All I want is one small bottle nia wor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a separate note, on Monday morning Malaysian time
someone very dear to my heart
slipped 10 DVDs into a padded envelope
and posted them to me.

Today, Thursday morning, 0900 GMT
I crack my door open and blearily shuffle about the kitchen
upstairs, feet pound on the wooden floor
"Oh no!" I think "YM, he's coming."
I haven't yet had coffee.

"Look, look! Mail for you!It feels like DVDS!"
he says, eyes shining, waving the package at me.
(quite impressive right pos m'sia so fast)

Yes the little(not) DVD monster, almost exploding with excitement.

I take my time, open the package.
Rifle through and hand him his DVD.
It was meant to be a surprise.

And now, Malaysia has bought me a
blessed 2 hours to uh...blog with..
as YM devours the first DVD.

**Do not let the post above detract from
Orr Tau Eew!!**

Growing Pains

YM and I are in Blockbuster
the plan is to rent 3 DVDs

He picks 2 mindless scary flicks
and I suggest The Talented Mr.Ripley
"That film is shite!" he says

"Well you've already picked two and I like this," I say

"But my parents are paying for it."

"Well I can pay my bit.." I retort
giving him a look reserved for misbehaving male people
in my life
(a look, I might add that I hadn't used in years
because all the men in my life are angels)

"Get what you want and lets go" my tone is final.

Later when we get home, YM sheepishly comes down
to apologise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2 weeks later, we are in France
YM has been given a precious 15 Euro to spend
and is ambling about the DVD store
I am looking at food

He comes up to me, hands me a DVD
I look at it "Whats this for?"

"Well you wanted it that day and I was being
horrid, so I bought it for you"

He bought Catch Me If You Can.
And I smile, touched, unsure whether to
tell him the truth.

But he sees it, smacks his forehead
"Oh no, it was The Talented Mr. Ripley!"

"Its okay, this is great," I say
"But wouldn't you rather get yourself one?"

"No, its for you."

And this is from the boy who if he won
10 000 pounds would buy DVDs with all the money
who counts his savings out in DVDs.

He Says, She Says

Me: You know, I really like how you get me,
so completely, without me having to say much.

B:What do you mean?

I Be A Yeti

Fog fog fog.
Silver steamy silken shroud.

As I sat in the bathtub contemplating my toes yesterday
I decided that I could possibly go all autumn and
winter without shaving my legs
I mean, I would be warmer wouldn't I?

YM hasn't been to school
he's been ill, and asthmatic thanks to the blasted weather
This means I have not had 'me' time in more than 2 weeks
I am not a happy camper.

Today I stayed in bed til 11
cocooned in the sheets, loathe getting up

Menstruation cramps are a hard thing to describe
its not so much your ovaries being punched,
its like your lower abdomen
being connected to an electrical
circuit that delivers a constant current that doesn't quite
'shock' you but is nevertheless there
dull zinging pain.

And ta-dah!
There's my contribution for today.
Pure mindless drivel.
'Cept for my tribute to the yetis.

I thank thee for the creation of caffiene.

 

Froid!

The sky is alight over Britain as millions
of fireworks go off for Guy Fawkes Night
2 nights of non-stop firework action.

I am freezing my arse off in the garden
blanket over knees, trying to warm myself as best I can
beside the barbeque and its glowing log
Leyna however, doesn't seem particularly cold.

Above us, all around, fireworks go off
brilliant punctuations in the inky night sky
we 'ooh' and 'ahh'
give points to each display

everything is shrouded in smoke or fog I can't tell
but there is that distinct singed smell
but still the fireworks go on
and as I marvel, I can't help that niggling thought
in the back of my head
about how this is helping global warming.

I imagine some households have no fireworks,
but most do, having 20 and above
so maybe an average of 10 per household throughout the UK
or something like 2.5 fireworks for each person of the
60 million upward population.