One of Seven: Aja Ng Rambles

Warning: Long post, lots of rambling in the wrong direction.

Lust. Luxuria (latin)

Had an interesting (on-going) conversation
with a friend in a LDR (long-distance relationship) recently
about what I initially thought
was lust
but deepened to cover fidelity
(because lust on it's own, can be good, with the right person)
and the need for companionship, another person's touch
versus the need to just have sex.

It started with him saying that
while he and his partner are apart
he likes to have dinner with beautiful women
some who don't understand that it's just for companionship,
(they're thinking:' he wants me to be his mistress')

After all since when in Asia do they
understand that men and women can actually
be just friends?

He gets conversation,(and an ego-stroke, but we all need those
once in awhile) a good meal,
another day passes without having to have dinner
alone

But my friend, he knows he tempts fate
and fears that one day
the culmination of factors
alignment of planets konon (=
will put him in a scenario where:

He is lonely and misses his partner, resents her for
not being there, he has dinner with a beautiful women
and in his depressive funk, has too much to drink
she comes on to him..
and well, you know the rest.

This is coming from someone whom
I know, adores his partner
completely, he just misses her.

I tell him that that day is bound to come
and that no, he should not become a hermit
but just pick his dates better
ones that know, its just dinner and convo

Ones that will respect his relationship
understand when his resolve weakens and set him
back in line, true friends who'll look out for him

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I go into a whole spiel about
"Do you really want to risk cheating?,
can you live with yourself?"

There's the guilt that comes with it
whether or not it would be selfish to transfer your anguish by confessing,
hurt, rebuilding of trust..

I'm one of those people who understand that sex can be just sex,
you can still love one person completely,
and have sex with another

Maybe it's because I've been there,
been cheated on by someone whom,
I knew without a doubt, loved me to death
Sure it hurt me, I couldn't fathom
how anyone who loved someone would/could do that
but I just started compartmentalising things
and understood.

Was he sorry?Genuinely
Did I make him pay? Like a slave

But the fact of the matter is, it taught
idealistic, romantic me a painful lesson, that sex and love
can be separate, whether you like it or not
the same way that love can be of many different
levels, you have to decide what suit you best
and settle down with it.

When I was younger and my dad remarried
I baulked because I didn't think his wife
was his intellectual equal
and couldn't understand why he would choose her

but as I matured, I begin to see the different layers in their
relationship, I begun seeing the way her presence visibly relaxed him
the way they the still held hands after a decade together
watching them made me feel warm and fuzzy

most of all it made me see that
different things work for different people
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maybe I'm just a typical Libran who likes to sit on the fence,
rationalise both sides

I'm not saying infidelity is okay,
in fact, I would do everything within my power to prevent it,
protecting the person I love, over horniness
because its simply not worth it
(because it somehow, always comes around doesn't it?),

But people make mistakes,
we are after all human
and in some masochistic way,
we like the emotional tug-of-war, to push our limits
to take risks for that adrenaline rush

and well, chemistry, we all know chemistry
Especially sexual chemistry
it really fucks with the brain and heart
even that of the most unwaveringly in love

I have a friend, who always goes with the chemistry
she meets a guy, falls deeply madly crazily in love
further down the road she meets another
sparks fly, she hops, skips and jumps
so on and so forth

You'd think that she'd get it by now,
no matter who you're with, there's always going
to be chemistry with someone else,
you weigh pros and cons
but you try your best to stick to the decision you made
don't you?
(but did I not just say to each, his own?)

You see, now my stupid Libran mind protests to that statement
about 'sticking'
I'm questioning myself, what if that person
was 'the one' and you're letting it go?

But what it there's more than one 'the one's' ?

Ish. I ask too many questions
I analyse too many things, the more you're
exposed to, the more you question, isn't it?
and I'm not entirely sure that's good.

Anyway, I went off tangent (Aja does that a lot)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyway, infidelity.

My friend points out that its not just the allure of sex
anyone can single-handedly (=
settle some horniness

Its the need for intimacy
to wake up spooning, entangled
to feel someone's warmth next to you
to be crushed in a great big hug

And by god do I miss that too
I have always had a problem with men I'm not intimate with
touching me, even my friends
(but most times, I just grit my teeth rather than flinch and act like a
complete frigid freak)

I just don't feel its right when men who are just friends
touch me,
it doesn't have to be anyplace intimate, my knee,arm

I just feel like if a man touches me
it should be the man that I 'belong' to; exclusivity
or it should be on my terms
which would most often be when I give a hug
(only special people get hugs)

but intimacy like that, needs the right person
(jeez, I keep going off tangent!)

My bloody point is, that when it comes to cheating in a relationship
to me, there are 3 types:

1) Screwing someone other than your partner

2) Revealing intimate points of yourself, emotionally,
or negative points about your relationship
(seeking solace or advice when things are rocky )to
of the opposite sex (or same sex depending on orientation)
someone other than your partner.

Its just that there's a level of intimacy you reserve
just for your partner, and once you reveal it to someone else
something is lost
it's not just disrespectful towards your partner
but you are opening yourself up to developing that sort of
emotional connection with someone else
that will lead to confusion and pain for all three.

Aiya fuck it, its damn hard to explain.

3) Spooning with someone else,
waking up entagled with someone else,
smiling unconciously into the phone at them
holding hands and calling someone else
'baby'.

My point though is, if my boyfriend
simply fucked someone else,it would be forgivable
but if he spooned someone else, it would kill me.