C'est La Vie

I'd say that I'm a pretty positive person, wouldn't you?
But this past week and a half
has been...

shit hit the fan would be apt I think.

An American friend called from Malaysia Tuesday morning
worried about me cos my MSN said 'sick'
I wasn't sick ill, but sick with worry

He said he called because he was down
and though happy shiny me would cheer him up
poor guy got duped

But anyway lots of people called, smsed
emailed from Malaysia, you wonderful people, you!

Since I put my life out here anyway
I might as well say
my ex-boyfriend from 1.7 yrs ago
got arrested big time for fraud (amongst other things)

Now quite frankly, he had it coming
I feel no pain over his arrest
and the reason I left him way back then when
he was a small fish (not the Interpol wanted criminal he is today)
was because I finally saw that he would never change
my love wasn't a match for his greed and wouldn't ever be
(stupid idiot right?right?)

And everyone who knows me, knows
that thanks to domestic instability during my teens,
I strive to have my life stable and as clean as possible
so yeah, you could say he and I had completely
different agendas in life.

So to all of you who think I'm worried because he's caught
I'm not
When I love I love completely, when I stop, I stop

It's someone else that has my heart and mind in distress.

Moving along.

You know how I said I strive for stability?
I do, but normally it doesn't happen
normally my life fools me just enough for me to think
things are finally going smoothly
it goes ," Heylll honey, I'm bored!"
then the fucker pulls out a gun and starts blowing
random things up

You recall I mentioned MTP and I were tense last week?

Well yesterday MTP and I were talking about
the worrisome predicament back home when she suddenly said
"I'm sorry I'm so hard to live with,"

I am stunned, "What brought this on?"

she tells me that little things keep getting to her,
things that are not done 'the way she likes',
aggravating her and making her bitchy with me.

She knows her behaviour is irrational and apologises

I told her 'since when are women rational?'
But in fact some of us are, I try to be, as much as I can.
Don't I (= ???

So I asked her what bugged her.
She tells me, little things, minor things.

'So what do we do?' she asks,
'Do I teach specifically how I want everything done?
and we try it out for a few weeks?'

'MTP, I know that no matter how I did it,
even if it was exactly your request,
it would still not be enough,'
I said, 'It won't work, because you're you,
only the right man might change you."

Because I know her, and I know me.

Look at me, my friends come and stay in my apartment
for ONE weekend and by Sunday
I'm like, "isn't it time you guys leave?"

and the whole time they are there, I know they are
trying to do things my way, the coasters,
the 'no going on the bed with outside clothes' etc.

But I re-do it all, I rewipe the table, I remake the bed.

So imagine MTP, anal, alone for 10 yrs longer than I was.
My worse nightmare, what I could have become.
I'm surprised she lasted this long.

Later, Mayleen and Peter pointed out that
she offered to teach me how to do things
yet I declined, why they asked, why not stick it out

There is a 'just so' rule that anal people have, and
you may be doing the EXACT same thing
but its not right because they didn't do it themselves

We like things just so, and just so is something no one
but ourselves understand, my entire family understands this rule

by way of explanation, I said to Peter
"If you had to live with me and do everything
100% the way I wanted it each day, could you?"

"Sorry Belle, but no way."

You see, MTP and I understand each other
and at any other time we could be friends having
a whale of a time
so this is all amicable

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay. Don't panic.
You hear me?Don't panic.
Don't inundate me with calls
and emails okay?I'm getting like
a 100 emails a day because I'm back on the
au pair website and my inbox looks very messy
and I can't pick it clean

I'm fine
and no, Cubed I am not coming home.

I've looked into other au pair placements and
am considering some in Spain and France

I've asked MTP to help out with compensation
in the form of a Teaching English As A Second Language course
or a few months pay to keep me on my feet
while in between jobs and she's considering it

But I am stressed out, confused and exhausted from worry
Because MTP gave me her whole year's schedule
I planned accordingly, everything from the weddings
to my Xmas & NY holidays(tickets bought, accom. booked)
to my return to M'sia next June
and my next job after that timed accordingly

And now everything has to be reconsidered, planned
as someone so aptly put it
its like everything has been thrown up in the air
and I'm waiting for it all to land so
I can put it together again

plus it each thing depends on something else,
its a tough web to untangle, I tell you

Whatever happens, I will come home as planned for
the weddings.

If I dont get another placement
or into a course I will still hang out here til Sept
either staying with MTP til then or my aunt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In other news, today the trains in Denmark
fucked up again.

MTP warned me and asked me to drive to CPH
but I was wary about the way because my
guide has gone to China and left me headless

So I brave the train
made it a quarter of the way before it stopped
try not understanding the language..

Ended up on a 2 hour bustrip to nowhere
tried to walk home, then realised I couldn't be bothered with
the last 1 km, so took the bus one stop

when I put my ten 2-hr trips card in the machine,
it chomped of 2 instead of 1 trip
(one trip is like 22 RM okay?)
and I look in dismay at the driver
he shrugged

Got home, took the car
gas very low,
found random chinese place, completely devoid of people
decided this was a great sign (sarcasm, if I must explain)
though I don't think the proprietress was very impressed
with my inability to speak danish or chinese
yet looking chinese-like.

Bought stir-fried duck with mix veg
wanton soup and rice
RM80.80
For.one.person.

Over and out.

I was kidding about the emails.
Drown me in them, though I might not have time
to reply (shit!I owe so many!)

I still have to work okay!