What Makes Me 'Me'

You know what, I am really sick and tired
of people discounting my job as something that's not real/proper.

It really fucking bugs me.

All the people who say they envy me for being
able to leave the country, travel
live the life that I live
'pick up and go'.

But hey, I worked to get here
and I am working here.
It required making choices between things,
giving things up
risking.

Nothing is without sacrifice.

How can you belittle the shaping of a young mind?
Could you even cope with the responsibility?
Knowing that every single thing
you do and say, your actions and reactions
will influence a child's life?
Do you even care?

Its the same thing housewives and
and stay at home fathers have to deal with
when people ask them what they do then give them
that pitying look when they find out.

Guiding a child in the right direction
equipped with the right skills, education
or knowing that everyday, you make a little impression
on someone's life
is probably one of the most fulfilling
things a person could do.

I can't describe the pride I feel when YM
changes the way he does something, because I guide him towards
it, or when his parents tell me that
his behaviour has improved so much
since I've arrived.

Or when you watch a child take his first few steps towards you.

Or when someone you made friends with in 2 months
tell you how much they would appreciate your company during
a hard time.

Or the pride when I cook and everyone has thirds even.

Its giving, its contributing positively to people's lives.

I may not be next to you, clamouring for the finishing line
in the rat race, but you know what?
Thats not where I want to be.

Maybe its my own childhood that makes me
want to work with kids
but its something I've been doing and
always wanted to do since I was 12
because it makes me feel motherfucking good inside.

And just because I don't tell you, or you
don't ask, or listen hard enough doesn't mean
I don't have a long term plan.

I'll tell you one thing though, I am going to be
happy. Fulfilled. Actually living my life.

All the skills I pick up from traveling, living within a different culture
languages, dealing with situations
(patience, acceptance, tolerance, the ability to think outside the box)
and always working with food and children
adds value to my life.

the people I choose to live with are always strategic
strong, successful, intelligent
people who can guide me, broaden my horizons, perspectives.

I am not gallivanting about doing jackshit
coping, adapting, accepting; all that isn't easy
and just because my stress levels aren't anywhere
near yours, doesnt devalue my contributions or work.

And you can all give me that look while
you say that you admire my courage to leave
but its that look that also says you look down on me for
not staying in one place.

But maybe, even if you had to the courage to leave,
live your life the way you want to,
it wouldn't be the same.

Because its not what I do, or where I go
its me. My whole outlook on life,
its the way I see things that makes my life
seem a whole lot brighter and carefree than yours.

Even if I was penniless, I would die happy
knowing that I positively touched the lives
of 100 people

Can't you understand that its not all about
power?position?material gain?

I have stress, I have problems (thats a lie actually, I don't)
but I always see the brighter-side and ten years down the road
I still want to be doing the same thing
albeit on a larger scale
start my own business, start my childrens shelter
and au pairing was part of the plan
because it allows me to save the money to start somewhere

Saving is something I couldn't do in Malaysia
and as far as research for the article I did
about stretching the riggit went
most Malaysians don't/can't save til they're close to 30 anyway
so I am already starting early.