Scales

Well, if my emotional ups and downs this week
was a musical scale
we'd have some pretty big music.

The entire trip home has been..
eventful, to say the least.

from getting on the train in Cardiff, to Heathrow
flight to Copenhagen, to Amsterdam
and beyond,
Everything was delayed.
Every single effing thing.

Then Daddy calls in between to say grandmother is sick.

I swear, 40+ hours travelling
Malaysia is really making me pay for leaving.

I get to the wedding, which is stunning
and was the first (amongst many) to be graciously
thanked for travelling so far to be there
cried like child.

Then back home to Penang,
where in my first 5 minutes getting a
Vanilla Latte to-go from Coffee Bean
(there are none in the UK)
I am given a welcome home summons

Its also within the first 5 minutes of driving
that I throw my hands off the wheel
and tell my mother I can't do it
traffic is too scary.

Then I see grandmother, for the first time ever
pale and drawn, so frail with the tubes
criss-crossing.

Later I fall into Henry,thrilled
and it crosses my mind that it may be
unhealthy for one to be so so consumed by one's bed
its the same, but different, something is missing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We are having lunch when he tells me I haven't been blogging
"I know" says I, but I didn't bring Percy
"You didn't bring Percy?So how will you blog?"
"The PC" I maintain (actually bluff one)

Cos actually right, there's hardly time
A week I've been here, how fast its flown
another 10 days, it'll all be gone
I'd rather see people then spend my holiday blogging
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We are having a 6 course dinner paired
with different Martinborough Pinots

I am talking about breast implants
when the sommelier darts in to pour
U-Rod widens eyes, we giggle
he tells me the waiter lingered to stare
thus, I do not need implants
I wouldn't anyway.

Then, he too reminds me that I haven't been
blogging.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am having a rather lengthy, intense, one-sided
conversation with grandmother
she lies on cream silk in her casket
angelic and peaceful in eternal sleep
more at peace then she ever was alive

I speak to her, rather loudly
for (I think) everyone else is outside
I ask her where her recipe book is
tell her how I love that cheongsam she gave me last year
(and do you have anymore por-por?)
I tell her I hope she's okay
and that the chicken curry is very good

Then I look up, and sitting right in front of me
is Nagama the part-time maid
looking at me like I'm a freak.

Leaving!

Not.Looking.Forward.To.Lugging.Bags.

*WOOT*

Culture Vulture

Well, what a weekend.
Friday we went for a classical concert
then Sunday we went to the opera, La Boheme
ho-emotional-er.

It is after the classical concert that
the family and I sit down to a Thai meal
at Thai Edge
the food is explosive, fiery
and YM and NMTP give up after a few mouthfuls
even I am struggling
"Isn't it too spicy?You've got to agree that it is
ridiculously so," says YM to me

I shrug, displaying false bravado
the fact that I am asian compels me to act as though
I pop cabai burungs as a midnight snack

My eyes are watering, the roof of my mouth
stinging, I try not to gulp my water down
knowing from MTP that water doesn't help anyway.

Conversation moves on to travel
and somehow Canada
I mention my love for streetdogs
(being the only fast food I willingly eat without
a self imposed guilt trip)
"But proper, big sausages though, not franks," I say

-pause-

"So you like your sausages big eh?" says YM in a tone implying
nothing polite
I throw my hands over my ears, aghast
"YM!" chides NMTP, "That was rude!"

YM shrugs
"I am 13 going on 14 you know, what do you expect?"
And really, what can one say to that?

Yep, I signed up for this.

Woot Woot

One week more, I'll be back in sunny Malaysia
I cannot wait.

I've been buying little presents
of course family and friends
whose birthday's I missed take precedence
18 frigging people, and ONE me
Its like Christmas in September.

Course there's space constraints
and the fact that my travel schedule is bullshit

(Cardiff-London-Copenhagen-Amsterdam-KL-Lumut
-Pangkor Laut-Penang-KL)

Sorry, I know you already know, but I need to keep
repeating it to myself, because I have to physically
prepare myself for the gruelling-ness

So if you dont get a present this round
it doesnt mean that I don't love you ah.

Assuming you are a reader who is within my
inner friend circle lah.

YM and I went to town yesterday
where he chided me for not buying myself
a dress to wear to the weddings
(I am wearing something already existing in
my wardrobe)
he says I should buy myself the dress first

I say I should buy other people stuff first then
buy myself the dress if I have money left
but sadly, no money

I dont really need the dress anyway
and I know that when certain people
see the gifts they will know that thought
and effort went into choosing it
and I guess thats all that matters innit?

Can't wait for home!

Dear Everybody

You know hor,
A very very very very very special day
is coming up

Very very very special wan

This is the day when all should rejoice
join hands and nod heads, clap hands,clasp hands
sing songs
smile and cry and click heels
for this day is my birthday.

:)

I will be 19 :D

And so, you may think I am damn perasan
to tell you want I want
but seriously, doesnt it just save you time, trouble
and brain-wracking?

And my acting skills are not so chun as to pretend
to like something that I don't like
I'd rather get something that I need
and I need alot

Like right now I could do with some sex

No la no la no la I don't.
I do.
Don't.

(a) I need winter clothes! This season I am into dark
luxurious greens and happy reds.Or whites.Or blacks.
(See, I am not racist!)
or
(b) Cold,hard, cash baby! Contributions to my winter clothes
buying and Ugg boot fund.
or
(c) A nice big, hard...hug.

Don't forget, I will be all alone in Amsterdam
on my birthday, and I don't even like pot
so you don't want me to be lonely,
stone cold sober
and COLD right?

I Think I Am Going To Kill Myself

I am blogging from bed.

Can you tell me, why is it I can't seem to escape
churches on Sunday morning ah?

In Copenhagen, the bells would toll
for all of Denmark
early after a heavy Saturday

And here, they toll for all of Wales
in fact, here, they have bell tolling practice
I kid you not.

Thus I am awake, and not amused.

Paper Products

I am speaking to my mother on the phone
finalising the menu for the family dinner
celebrating the return of moi next week.

"So do you want anything from here?" I ask

"Yes, please, I would like boxers," she says

"Ok."

"Ja, you know what kind of boxers I want right?"

"Yeah mom, the cardboard ones right?"

Hehe. evil. If I was there, surely kena wallop across the head.

Zingggggggggggg!

Double Cappucinos go a looong way
I have either (a) experienced this
or (b) assumed this

I suspect the answer is evident

I was reading over my late lunch of haddock and salad
mere minutes ago when it
hit me. Whuuppp, like a baseball bat (sponge one)

This shall be the month of the D
this means that I shall try and use more words
beginning with D
why?because its fun, and because I say, so there!

My life, and you can't say shit.

All some one needs to say to me is
"How you doing?"

And I can say:

"Delightful"

"Delirious"

"Desolate"

"Depressed"

"Dry"

"Drenched"

Dapper, Dandy, Dark, Dangerous
Devastated, Deadly, Decent, Depreciating

Or instead I can say 'huh?'
Then when they repeat "How you doin?"
I can say "Deaf."

or

"Desperately Desiring Dollars"

and before someone else says it,

"Deranged".

Cats

Not the musical, real ones.

We have two.
Caspar, the blue-eyed persian
and dumb as fark
and Jemima, the snooty green-eyed tiger-striped tabby

They are both annoying, in a bloody cute way
(says the used to be cat-hater)

Caspar for instance, stands outside the kitchen door
mewing to be let in

I let him in, he follows me up to the computer room
jumps on the desk and rubs himself
on the keyboard while I am typing

So I jump up and take a deep breath
trying not to throw him off the hill
walk calmly to the sitting room
he follows

I walk back to the computer rooms
he chases after me and bounds onto the chair,
settling in before I can get my butt down.

Jemima, is a real stuck up bitch
she'll strut up and down in the kitchen
wanting to be petted but not wanting to come to me

I know exactly what she wants so I continue
doing whatever it is I am doing at the kitchen counter
completely ignoring her

She can take it no more so she leaps onto the kitchen counter
coming close to me
I pretend I don't see her.

My waist rests against the counter so she
rubs herself on my waist

I move my entire body away from the counter
letting only my hands hover over my work on the
surface
she clings on to the counter
tippy-toes (paws) stretching her body out to touch
some part, any part of me.

I give up.
And give her a vigorous rubbing.
Now, if I had called them pussies instead of cats, that
last sentence would have been rude.

Lush

'Lush' is a term commonly used to describe
something really nice here
like ' that cake was lush'

Lush is also the name of a Body Shop like store

Lush is also the name of the butcher down the road
So enticing are the fresh meat sandwiches from his shop
that this morning, I said to myself,
"Right we're walking down the hill
to have a coffee at that little italian-esque place
then we're going to tapau Lush for lunch"

How lush is that?

But then I felt guilty. I have a coffee machine at home,
I have sandwich making stuff
'Its okay, I told me, I'll take my laptop down
and actually get writing (that way I earn some)'

Also taking Percy out in public induces me to write
because people look at people with laptops
and expect them to look busy
so I am forced to get busy writing.

Or not.
Because I started organizing my picture library
and man, 3K over pics takes a lot of time.

But, my coffee came free.
Cos they forgot about
the asian geek girl with the laptop
sitting in the corner and when I flagged the
blond waiter-man down and asked him to check
he came back with my double-cap and told me it was
on the house.

And. Oh My God, Becky!
You know what?

Cigarette smoke is really starting to bug me.
Like, seriously. Like, I left the cafe because
the girl beside me was smoking
and I couldn't stand it.

Die lah.

So I walked out lor,
turned towards Lush, hesitated
and turned back.

'No.' Cannot.

I made a deal with me that if I am a really good
girl today, and do some writing
and sort schedules and things out,
then and only then will I treat myself to
Lush's baguette tomorrow.

O: That sounded rude. But it's not, really.

Chasing Butterflies With Holes In The Net

The other day, someone asked me for advice, a total stranger
(I think, never can tell)

The question was, do I go with
(a) who makes my heart go skippety but takes me for granted
or
(b) who loves me to death and will be there for me
in the blink of an eye (like magic: Ta-dah! 'I'm here!')

And I pondered, and I hemmed. and I hawed
and I asked LOML what he thought
I said
'How can I answer this question?
What if I tell her to wait for The One
but then, The One might not happen for everyone?'

He says, ' Yeah I used to think The One didn't happen for everyone
then it happened for me'

So, I am half-half
screw the old aunties and their
'are you seing anyone, when are you getting married's
at the end of the day, its your life
and you will have to sleep in that bed

I always believed in The One because I am without fight
a stupid spineless romantic at heart
no matter how independant and pro-singledom I am
(even after many false starts)
It still bowled me over when it happened
I guess you just have to not expect it

Yet for some, there will never be a The One
so, they settle for the closest thing
a person that may not cause butterflies to flutter in their bellies
but someone loving, thoughtful, caring, dependable
and things work out great

So you have to feel it out, butterflies may eventually die
then like all relationships, its hard work
it always is (butterflies just make it easier).

Decide what you want out of your relationship,
your priorities
whether its worth waiting for something that might not come
or whether (b) is just too good to let go.

A lot of people don't even have someone who will love them
unconditionally.

I have one thing to say though
(a) should not be taking you for granted if he is
your The One, it will be mutual, not one-sided

This Time Next Week

I'd have just arrived in London
and be trying to save money so lugging my bags
on the Tube to Heathrow instead of onto
the Heathrow Express

From Heathrow, I will go to Copenhagen
then head into the city for the night
to be greeted by newlyweds
then early the next morning
I shall take a train to CPH airport
a flight to Amsterdam, then one to KL
then a Limo to Lumut
then a ferry to Pangkor Laut
where I will be greeted by soon-to-be-weds

Then after a few days rest, I shall head to Penang
and be greeted by already-wedded-and -soon-to-have-ceremony

Did I miss the memo?

Ze Vezer Ees Shite

No Mood. Pregnant gray clouds.
Rain, fine misty like but there nonetheless.
Me fight urge to creep back in bed.
Me want to eat on of those
giant baguettes crammed full of pork and apple sauce
or with roast turkey and cranberry sauce
or with southern fried chicken and mango chutney
from David Lush's Butchers down the road
but me too lazy to walk down hill.

______________

Yesterday was Roald Dahl Day
I mean, he's only about like, one of the greatest writers EVER
Since YM goes to Dahl's ex -school
there was lots of fanfare with the kids dressing up
and BBC News & Radio turning up to film the school grounds
and YM landing a spot on both the radio AND the evening news
reading an excerpt from 'Boy' as he ever so coolly propped a tree up

Dahl's daughter flew all the way from LA to talk
to the BBC for 3 minutes as well.

I was trying to explain to LOML who Roald Dahl was
for some stupid reason giving him examples of
less popular works.

3 hours later (and no longer in that conversation), it hit me
why didn't I just say
"He wrote Charlie & the Chocolate Factory"?

Cos I, am cacat.
_________________

Yesterday evening I took a long walk in a direction
never before ventured and uncovered the most beautiful park ever,
a deserted old pier and miles and miles of rugged coastline

I think, I also had my first encounter with racism
where this young skinny punk drove past me
and shouted something that looked suspiciously
like "Chink!" out of his window

I couldn't hear, I had earphones in.

But it scared me for a moment, a lot
then after that I really just wanted to beat the shit out
of him.

Stupid little shit.

Chicken Rice, Let Me Be!

Ever since I saw that program on Singapore
with Dadman and NMTP
and their eyes (and mine) lit up at the mention
of Hainanese Chicken Rice,
Chicken Rice has haunted me.

I made the chicken first with kway teow for me and YM
then I made it with proper chicken rice for myself
(YM dug into the leftovers)
then I sent Mayleen the picture and through that was coerced into making it
for the whole family sunday

Then today, which is supposed to be Dadman's
designated cooking day,
YM and I are driving home from school when
he ponders "Hmmm what shall we ask my dad to cook?"
But under his breath he says 'please Aja please Aja cook'

"Hmmmmph okay," I say, "What do you want?"
"Please can we have the poached chicken again?"

but today I made chicken fried rice
and kailan, and poached chicken.

Very good if I should say so myself, but 4 times in 2 weeks?
Gosh.

Monthly

Mayleen and I are standing in the bathroom

"I hate your belly," I say

"Why?" asks she

"Cos you have none."

"Don't be silly honey, we're ed-zachary the same!"

"No we're not!"

I take off my shirt and face the full-length mirror
she is already sans top and turns
we stand side by side and compare
"See..." she starts, then
" Uh...okay, but your legs are nicer!"

Bleargh.

The thing is I remember looking at myself in
the mirror in Cardiff and thinking
"Oh, my belly looks quite not-so-fat"
Then I went to London
and suddenly, fat like fuck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

YM and I are walking in the supermarket
he picks out some sweet dessert and looks at me
"Ok, but I am not having any"

"Why not?"

"I think the sugar and alcohol consumption is
making me fat and spotty"

"Aja,"he says, turning to face me.
"You are not fat, or spotty, cept' for that one on your chin."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Its supper-time (yes, here we call 'dinner' supper
Dadman opens another bottle and is poised
to refill my glass when I say 'no'

"Are you sure?Whats the matter?"

I go into the same spiel about
wine and fatness and spots.

He tells me that most men find
slightly rounded bellies more appealing
than flatness anyway
(true?)

But I am adamant and hike up the hill after supper.

Last night, I lay awake for hours
trying to fall asleep, trying to figure out what was
wrong with me.

Today I woke up with my period.
Blasted hormones man. I tell you if it were'nt for the multiple
orgasms...
No more bloating. Spots drying up.
(=

Sunday Lunches

Sunday lunches are still big in ang-moh land
or at least with the people that I know
a stupendous amount of starters, mains (often a roast) and pudding
are served anywhere between 12-4pm
then dinner is optional

So, last Sunday our menu was:

Har Gow & Siu Mai to start
Roast Belly Pork
Poached Chicken
& Chicken Rice for mains
and Ben & Jerry Phish Phood + ripe nectarines for dessert

The women slaved in the kitchen
the men sat in the sun and drank wine

London Again

"Check out my kitchen cupboard"
Mayleen tells me as soon as I walk in

Thanks to that trip
Her cupboards are overflowing with something
like sixty packets of maggi mee

We go out meet the people, and tumble in at nearly 2 am
where she plays Chopin, then we sit in the kitchen
talking about metal(music), coincidences and..
actually I can't remember what we spoke about
I was drunk
This is probably because I actually am
a lightweight and just can't keep up

I remember she made me indomee goreng egg on top
I remember that indomee doesn't bode well
with wine in my stomach
and I remember kneeling on her bathroom floor
retching into the bowl
"How do you do that?"
she says, as I stick my finger down my throat

I try to answer her but obviously I can't
"I've never been able to do it!"
I gag

She's sitting there on the bathtub side
just watching, commenting, not holding my hair up
or patting my back or anything.

Suddenly maggi mee and sauvignon blanc spew out
"Oh great! honey, you did it!"

This cousin relationship is a weirdly beautiful thing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning after, I am out of bed early
creeping into the kitchen for coffee
I shut the kitchen door
she bursts in, bleary eyed
"Are you alright sweetie?"
I nod my head
She goes back to bed.

5 minutes later, I remember the crispy noodles with
prawn, duck and kailan
tapaued from Royal China, sitting in the fridge

I take the box out, open it
2 seconds later
the kitchen door flys open
"Are you eating the chinese tapau?"
she says bounding in in her panties
(unfortunately I can't be topless as well because there
is a man in the household)
As she sit, I pass her chopsticks

"I heard the box opening (through 2 walls)
and I sat up and laughed and jumped out of bed
Andy wanted to know what was up
but I just ran out" she tells me, giggly

5 mins later Andy comes in
"Nutter" he mutters, shaking his head at her.

How The World Is Tiny

I am to arrive in London at 8
and besides my cousin
am due to meet Chris and Heiko at some point that evening

Chris is Frou's English- Malaysian Chinese ex
and Heiko is a german guy who interned in Penang
about 4-5 years back

to make it easier, I suggest we all meet for dinner
and am a bit apprehensive about everyone not knowing
everyone but too bad lor

Chris suggests Nyonya and I'm not really craving Penang food
(I'll be home in a few weeks)
but appreciate the thought, so say 'Ok'

Throughout the night I am really worried
about Chris, Mayleen and Heiko
not knowing each other but
Chris is early and Heiko is late
So we eat first and head to the pub,
where Heiko finally showed
and as I was speaking to him, I spotted Chris smiling
across the bar, but it didn't look like it was to me
So I turned back to Heiko and ..
"Do you know Chris?"

"Yeah, long-story, I met him briefly in Langkawi
then later met a girl in Penang and when I moved to London
she coincidentally moved into the same building
and he happened to be dating her then."

The next day, Mayleen and I walked into
Royal China, hungover and craving dim-sum
and I am absolutely sure that
the guy sitting in the corner is Tuan An
but cannot for the life of me remember his name right then
So I spend most of my meal peeking at him
and trying to remember it

Its only at 2am that night that it comes back to me.

This world is too small.

Portobello Market

'What shall we do?'
Asks Mayleen as we emerge from the foodfest
that was Royal China

We ate like no tomorrow.
'Lying in the park sounds good' she says, recalling my
earlier suggestion
(I always want to lie in the park)

'Lets walk this off a bit' I say
(Vanessa might confirm that
I always say I want to lie in the park
but will then make my companion walk for miles
and miles in instead)

We walk, slow, full, fuzzy-headed

'Starbucks?' she asks
'Something more quaint,' I say
(actually if there was Coffee Bean I'd be game)

'I know, Portobello Market!!,' I exclaim
and there we went

Portobello Market is amazing.
The vintage clothes section
is even more farking amazing

In fact, I'm considering a one-weekend
each-month-in-London
just-for-Portobello Market Super Package Deal
with me.

Oh yeah baby.

AWT's Place

Dinner that night was a family do
celebrating 2 wedding anniversaries
my aunt and uncle's

and this cousin and her husband's
(yes, she's taken)

Went to TV Chef Anthony Worrall Thompon's
restaurant, the Kew Grill
and while one couldn't argue about the
quality of the food, preparation and presentation
could have been better
most definately should have, for the prices

Wines and company?
Excerrent of course!

Done with dinner, we went off
to Hammersmith to meet
a bunch O rugby players
including one very interesting conversationalist
that was exceedingly metrosexual
who kept stealing my tea.

Yes, tea. That's all I had.
Go me!

Chicken Rice

I am emailing Butta
chatting about ye olde days
when I say
"Man I am craving chicken rice, I think I'll make some"

So I walk down to the butcher
buy some free-range chicken
come back home and potter about for half and hour
saute-ing garlic, shallots and rice in creamy fat of chicken
(its all about the rice man)
then sit down to a super-good meal

YM comes home from school
and I tell him there's some in the oven
he swoops upon it, telling me it is so so so good
'better than sushi' (and he loves his sushi)

I am beaming.

Just before lunch the next day
(and before leaving to meet her for the weekend)
I send my cousin in London the picture above
expecting a "Bitch, that was mean!"
Instead I got a
"Right you're making that tomorrow or Sunday, your choice."

Just Call Me Betty

Its what my girlfriends called me for awhile anyway
Betty, after Betty Crocker
or wait, was it Martha?

Hmmm.

Anyways, I feel like such a mom.
Today YM started Year 9,
I took him to school at quarter to 8
came home, did emails, breakfast
read a bit, cleaned a bit
lunch, cleaned a bit more
then set off to pick him up at quarter to 4

I got stuck in the 'first day of school jam'
and found myself cursing new parents
who insist on shadowing their child on first day
and clogging up the school roads,
cursing like all the other veterans (;

Then YM got in
'do we have time to buy a drink before
my batik class?'

'May I please have some Quinn's ?'
(alcoholic drink made entirely out of fruit juice)

I find myself giving Mom type answers

'Yes we'll stop for a drink only if we get
to the main road and traffic improves'

'No you may not have Quinn's before your class, but
perhaps a bit after.'

And what surprises me most is,
YM actually listens.

WOW.

Willpower Is My Middle Name

Won't you just look at this,
then come up and pat me on the back
over the fact that I haven't whipped out my plastic
and say
"Aja, you've been a good girl."

 

From Bush to Dessert

 

Festival At Cardiff Bay

 

 

 

 

Random Photos (Cos suddenly, there's wi-fi to be stolen)

I live on that hill

I made Kway Teow Th'ng *slurp*

Sunday lunches are always superb
Thought the headline was hilarious