Old

While in French yesterday
I asked my partner how old he was
"J'ai vingt et un ans" he said
I worked it out in my head then my eyes bugged
and I said "You're 21?"

And just that, my reaction, is scary.

Shit. Since when did 21 become 'young' to me?
I remember my 21st birthday
I was alone (single-ish)
my closest friends took me for dinner at Mario's
then we went to SS and Glo
and Sek got me comatose on
Flaming Lamborghinis.

I was home by 1am, I remember I lost an earring.
I remember the Dr. got me a bouquet of roses
I remember announcing that
I would forever be 21.

And smack my bitch up! look at me now
24 in 9 months!
TWENTY FOUR!

One more year before I can officially have
(assuming I live to be 100)
a quarter life crisis.

Or wait, is this it? Am I going through it early
like puberty was early?
Is my life somehow accelerated?

And for some reason, this thought is terrifying
have I seen enough, have I done enough
have I experienced enough
have I achieved enough?

I know I have more that a lot of people
might in a lifetime
but what is enough?

I guess its never enough, you educating yourself
not just in book smarts, but in the ways of the world
of cultures, of people, of humanity
Growing, attaining,
making mistakes and learning from them

Finding it out what it is that makes you tick
finding yourself, becoming more yourself

I imagine most of our lives before age 30
is spent living it for other people, for society
putting up a facade for your parents,
your friends, your colleagues
then after that you sort of mellow,
become comfortable as 'you'
learn to live for yourself, instead of other people.