Yeah yeah happy new year and all that jazz.
Sorry, not so happy, I have my period.
The other day, I had the most horrible nightmare about
Daddy, my crying woke me and other people around me
a couple of deep breaths and a soothing hand run through my hair
calmed me enough to fall asleep
only to wake up crying again over a nightmare about Mom.
So vivid, I won't say what though.
I looked into the mirror the other day
my reflection's face wet, eyes swollen with tears
we held our hearts out in our palms
then the door closed; again
I was left alone on the cold, steel bench
fleetingly wondering why I signed up for so much pain
In the train, silent sobs
till I reached Paddington only to find I missed my next train
and had to get another ticket for 5 times the price
And I stood there, in the centre of one of London's busiest stations
dejected, distraught, near blinded, as I text Dadman and AC for
ideas, I had to warn Dadman through text first that I was a wreck
he called while I was standing at the coffee counter,
mouth just about to open to give my order
and I ended up sobbing on the phone, while customers and
waitstaff gaped; like tragedy had struck.
"Come home anyway," said Dadman
Later I text him, "Sorry for the waterworks"
he text back "That's what families are for"
AC said "Come back to mine sweetie"
but there is where more pain lay.
So I hopped on the train to Cardiff
Sod it! Don't care if people stare anymore
I'll cry for 2 hours if I want to
and I did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The door was flung open by YM
and I was quickly hugged
as I lugged my brick bag in.
"Why didn't you call from the station I would have come
and help!"
I needed to breathe, to get used to this again, I think
We pile into the living room, he updates me
then his eyes widen, "Oh no, when you go into the kitchen,
don't worry ok? I'll clean it up. At least everything is in the sink.."
I go downstairs, take a tour
he shows me new kitchen utensils, cutlery
books;
I take in the gunky, honey-like substance clumped on
the floor, boot marks treading over it
"YM, how old is that coffee?" I ask
eyeing the mossy top of a full pot
"Last time I remember coffee mentioned, was um..Sunday?"
I laugh, get on my knees and attack the honey
"Oi! You haven't even been home 10 minutes!" yells YM
I shrug, "Okay, tomorrow, I shall clean, get my mind off things"
"Yeah, tomorrow I am going to George's"
"What? How can you leave me, I've only just come home" I whine
"You left me and my Dad! We haven't coped without you'
he says, gesturing around the place.
Later we sit in my room, I hand him presents
he makes me a sandwich and offers to make dinner
"YM," I say "If I cry a lot over the next few days, just ignore me ok?
It will pass, I'm getting my period."
"And THAT, is why I am going to George's!"
Dadman comes home late that evening, wraps me
in a shivery hug, then tells me that we
now have wi-fi.
In a way, its good to be home, and you learn that
no matter how disloyal you feel
there can be more than one home
though only one is the original.
Sorry, not so happy, I have my period.
The other day, I had the most horrible nightmare about
Daddy, my crying woke me and other people around me
a couple of deep breaths and a soothing hand run through my hair
calmed me enough to fall asleep
only to wake up crying again over a nightmare about Mom.
So vivid, I won't say what though.
I looked into the mirror the other day
my reflection's face wet, eyes swollen with tears
we held our hearts out in our palms
then the door closed; again
I was left alone on the cold, steel bench
fleetingly wondering why I signed up for so much pain
In the train, silent sobs
till I reached Paddington only to find I missed my next train
and had to get another ticket for 5 times the price
And I stood there, in the centre of one of London's busiest stations
dejected, distraught, near blinded, as I text Dadman and AC for
ideas, I had to warn Dadman through text first that I was a wreck
he called while I was standing at the coffee counter,
mouth just about to open to give my order
and I ended up sobbing on the phone, while customers and
waitstaff gaped; like tragedy had struck.
"Come home anyway," said Dadman
Later I text him, "Sorry for the waterworks"
he text back "That's what families are for"
AC said "Come back to mine sweetie"
but there is where more pain lay.
So I hopped on the train to Cardiff
Sod it! Don't care if people stare anymore
I'll cry for 2 hours if I want to
and I did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The door was flung open by YM
and I was quickly hugged
as I lugged my brick bag in.
"Why didn't you call from the station I would have come
and help!"
I needed to breathe, to get used to this again, I think
We pile into the living room, he updates me
then his eyes widen, "Oh no, when you go into the kitchen,
don't worry ok? I'll clean it up. At least everything is in the sink.."
I go downstairs, take a tour
he shows me new kitchen utensils, cutlery
books;
I take in the gunky, honey-like substance clumped on
the floor, boot marks treading over it
"YM, how old is that coffee?" I ask
eyeing the mossy top of a full pot
"Last time I remember coffee mentioned, was um..Sunday?"
I laugh, get on my knees and attack the honey
"Oi! You haven't even been home 10 minutes!" yells YM
I shrug, "Okay, tomorrow, I shall clean, get my mind off things"
"Yeah, tomorrow I am going to George's"
"What? How can you leave me, I've only just come home" I whine
"You left me and my Dad! We haven't coped without you'
he says, gesturing around the place.
Later we sit in my room, I hand him presents
he makes me a sandwich and offers to make dinner
"YM," I say "If I cry a lot over the next few days, just ignore me ok?
It will pass, I'm getting my period."
"And THAT, is why I am going to George's!"
Dadman comes home late that evening, wraps me
in a shivery hug, then tells me that we
now have wi-fi.
In a way, its good to be home, and you learn that
no matter how disloyal you feel
there can be more than one home
though only one is the original.
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