Old

While in French yesterday
I asked my partner how old he was
"J'ai vingt et un ans" he said
I worked it out in my head then my eyes bugged
and I said "You're 21?"

And just that, my reaction, is scary.

Shit. Since when did 21 become 'young' to me?
I remember my 21st birthday
I was alone (single-ish)
my closest friends took me for dinner at Mario's
then we went to SS and Glo
and Sek got me comatose on
Flaming Lamborghinis.

I was home by 1am, I remember I lost an earring.
I remember the Dr. got me a bouquet of roses
I remember announcing that
I would forever be 21.

And smack my bitch up! look at me now
24 in 9 months!
TWENTY FOUR!

One more year before I can officially have
(assuming I live to be 100)
a quarter life crisis.

Or wait, is this it? Am I going through it early
like puberty was early?
Is my life somehow accelerated?

And for some reason, this thought is terrifying
have I seen enough, have I done enough
have I experienced enough
have I achieved enough?

I know I have more that a lot of people
might in a lifetime
but what is enough?

I guess its never enough, you educating yourself
not just in book smarts, but in the ways of the world
of cultures, of people, of humanity
Growing, attaining,
making mistakes and learning from them

Finding it out what it is that makes you tick
finding yourself, becoming more yourself

I imagine most of our lives before age 30
is spent living it for other people, for society
putting up a facade for your parents,
your friends, your colleagues
then after that you sort of mellow,
become comfortable as 'you'
learn to live for yourself, instead of other people.

BLEH!

I have blogged on Bleh!
Email me if you want the address or
chui 'bohtuachu' ti Blogger.

Can it be PMS already?
Can't!

Can it?

Scary!

Blog blog blog.

I have nothing to say..
Except yesterday, while conversing with
my mother and aunt through their webcam
my grandmother complained about me
not asking to speak with her

So I said
"Ask her to come lah! But tell her I can see her
but she can't see me cos I have no cam."

So my grandmother came,
stood in front of the cam and
took
her freaking shirt off!
Then she turned around and mooned me!

My 78 year old grandmother!

Then she turned around, said "Okay?"
and left.

Scarred for life man.

A Walk In the Woods

Last Saturday, desperate to stay awake in the afternoon
after having woken up early for dance
I took it upon me to explore the
Cosmeston Lakes Country Park

Where the swans, as you will see,
towered over some toddlers

Then I went and watched The Dreamgirls which
I found so-so, some parts were too draggy,some lacklustre
Beyonce is gorgeous though
but it did pique my curiosity on the whole
Diana Ross & the Supremes thing
so I went and wiki-ed it.

6.5/10 as rated by moi.

Also watched Perfume ages ago in London with the Bee
now the book was awesome
the movie may be slightly weird if you haven't read the book
but then again, reading the book, you would
find that weird too
so yes, Perfume 8.5/10

Film reviewing konon.

Can't you just tell I have nothing to blog about?
Can't you just tell I am bored shitless?
I am.

Today I am.
I feel like since its not cold
and snow has only tempted us
spring should come.

In my room the tulips are abloom
I want to wear my flip-flops without toe socks,
I want to wear my tubes and skirts and sandals
I don't want my jumper, my jacket, my scarf.

I woke up this morning and thought 'Parsnips!'
So now I sit here in the kitchen, (9.30am) parsnips
roasting in the oven
in the vegetable basket the roman artichokes
have been waiting to be cooked

A pot of leftovers from
chicken slow cooked in wine with root vegetables
warms on the stovetop, for my lunch

The christmas cake sits on the counter
60% left, marzipan, icing, dried rummy fruit goodness
that I cannot bring myself to indulge in.

I do ramble.

Well, looks like I'll be spending the CNY week in London
6 days in London. 6 weeks of pay gone? :O

Over & out.

Scissor Sisters

9am, I open one eye,
close it.

9.03 am, open the other eye,
close it.

Do you really really really want to
get out of your snug, warm bed and
drag yourself across town to exercise?

This time, the devil within doesn't win
I get up, make coffee
get dressed and go.

Class is fast-paced, serious
hard-to catch up but worth the struggle
I walk back to the car after, having signed for another on
Mondays
find I have a parking ticket, my first parking ticket
30 freaking pounds.

I get home, Dadman and YM are in the study,
I am more afraid of NMTP
but why? I will pay anyway...
I affect the tone YM uses when he's done
something wrong or wants something
"Daddy...."

Dadman turns, big sigh "Oh, what is it?"
"Ermmm, I got a parking ticket," I whisper

"Oh, its only your first! But you're
just getting so high maintenance nowadays!"

"Only my first? You meant the other au pairs..?"

"Yes."

"Good, I don't feel so bad now."

"Take it down to NMTP and grovel, its her
car, under her name."

Oooh scary. But NMTP is good, makes me
a mushroom omelette and gasps
"Did you cut your hair?"

"Erm, yes, last night, I was bored!" I turn and show them
"Is it straight?"

"Oh Aja!" chorus Dadman and NMTP

Later, NMTP fetches the scissors and straightens it.
Mothers! All the same!

Bad Habits Die Hard

When boredom flaps its wings this-a-way
I often turn to a bad habit that
is particularly irksome to my mother.

I go to the bathroom with the kitchen scissors,
and lop my hair off.

Mother doesn't like this
because mother was trained in the art of hair
at the Sassoon schoolery, no less
and mother thinks that my DIY jobs
reflect badly upon her.

But who cares? Mother is not here.

So now I have no mullet
I have in its place a bob

Don't know what the back looks like though,
don't have eyes at the back of my head.

The Personification of Frustration

My weekday routine is pretty simple.

I wake up at 7 am when Dadman is about to leave
and listen as he shuts the front door upstairs
then revs his car engine.

Then I listen for YM, who, (if I am especially tired
and am not awoken by Dadman)
is sure to wake me with his clomping down the stairs
and banging about in the kitchen.

I wait in bed for YM to finish, clomp upstairs,
then I get out of bed, tired as - - - -
and wash up, then take YM to school.

An hour later, I am home
I have some toast
(quite a feat! as you will see from the video below)
from the loaf that I so lovingly cradle
when I bring it back, fresh and warm from the baker's
I have a cup o tea, then I get back into bed
check my emails, and then I sleep.

Between 12.30-1pm I start in bed and go
"Shit! what's the time?"
then I grab the phone and wake someone up for work.

After this, I make myself some superstrength coffee
some lunch, I eat, I write a bit
then I do my chores, or go and exercise
or walk about town.

Then I pick the YM up.
Then I come home, cook dinner if I feel like it
then I have a scalding bath, then I watch a movie in bed
and sleep at about 11-12.

Between 4am-6am I am up again
putting someone else to sleep
and the next thing I know, Dadman
is shutting the front door again.

So you see, my sleep between 9am-1pm each day
is crucial.
CRUCIAL I tell you, to the smooth-runningness
of my day and that of those around me.

And today I came home,
ate that damn toast that's so hard to get toasted
got into bed and tried to sleep.

Cannot.

Somemore with my laptop beside me
and wi-fi, I get so easily distracted,
lying there trying to sleep when suddenly a thought!
and I Google it.

Then I toss and turn , then a thought!
Google it.

Finally I got sick with my own inability to sleep
(and concentrate on trying to!)
so I put my laptop away
and tossed
and turned

and finally at 11 am, I jumped out of bed and said
"Fuck it!" then I looked up at the sky
and said " Fine, if you want me to go around
sleepy and grouchy and moody all day, FINE!"

And here I bloody am.

Effing Toaster!

The Root

I discovered the root of all my 'health' talk recently
when I went to the bathroom and was greeted by..
well you don't really want all the bloody details do you?

Suffice to say, PMS had gotten me good.

But being on a healthkick always has its upsides,
you look better naked, your heart won't give out in old age
your complexion is rosy..stuff like that.

Though I use the term 'health kick' very loosely
means I rather than a three course meal at lunch I eat this

and rather than slather it with mayo or butter
I use mustard (yech)

And if I feel the need to snack
it's no longer pate on ryvita
its Special K with grapes and skim milk
(which is what we drink around here)
which actually seems pretty ironic
when we use duck fat and real butter
and have pate de foie de canard
and full-fat ice-cream and one hundred thousand boxes of chocolate
scattered all around the house.

I digress,
Anyway, it means I exercise more, and eat marginally less
yet it still makes me feel better about myself
but then, I can be a bit delusional sometimes, no?

However, I've been looking at fun ways of exercise
so yesterday, I went for a dance class
Three pound fifty, I paid

And felt really good about myself in the class
because here I was thinking I was plump and pasty
and hey..all around me..

So, we started, I was worried I'd have trouble keeping up
but things seemed to go fine
first 2 minutes, run through 1st quarter of steps
in Beyonce's Dejavu
next 2 minutes run through next quarter of steps
then repeat, we do the entire song through once
then break.

7 minutes into class, break!

2 minutes later we start again, same shit, different song
7 minutes later break

we do this again and break

we do one more prance across the room and we're done.
Finito.

I am not even sweating or breathing heavily
or anything
I am throughly peeved
that I paid RM24 for one hour of arsing about!
I get more of a workout climbing up the stairs
at home wei!!

And at each and every break, the 2 girls beside me
kept talking about what they we're going
to eat and snack on and etc.

No wonder la 3 quarters of the population
are overweight!

Damn boh kam wan.
Trying another dance class tomorrow.
Getting a bicycle pump too.




(er, we already have a bike, in case you wonder
why just a pump.)

Tick-Tock

Dadman has just finished work
I am in the kitchen ferociously attacking
all surfaces with anti-bacterial cleaner
when he comes down
It is 5.10pm

I am still grouchy.

"Cup O tea?" he asks
"Gosh, can't we just start drinking already?"
I ask
"No, we can't, you'll have to wait til
6 pm."

Bloody English and their customs
its okay on Sundays, but not Fridays
which just does not make sense.

After 6 though, dad man obligingly and sometimes
surreptitiously fills my glass
its like a bottomless glass of wine
blink and its full.

Cheet-Shaat

Simultaneous conversations today:

A chinaman chef in Sydney
"Why doesn't anyone have escargot with pasta?"
I ask
"Hmm yes, why not?"
"Yes, with garlicky, basilly pesto!"
"herb butter!" he butts in

I tell him I want to tell him about the menus that
I have dreamt about but I am shy cos he's gone
'pro' and uses words like timbale, paupiette and gaufrette

He tells me not to mock him
and we sling food ideas back and forth
like we're playing tennis.

On the other end a middle-aged, bald, rotund(not) American man
is bragging into my face
telling me that he will be having sex in london
and I will not

On yet another a scotsman in Malaysia is moaning
that he has worked 40 days straight and that there
has been a recent influx of ugly women into the company
that "I need a shag!" then switches to
musing about humanity
"How many people live? How many just exist, belle?

I reply with a
"More people exist than truly live. Some can't afford to, some don't know
how to and for still others, it just doesn't figure into
their reality"
phhwooooaarr like so smart like that.

A random Danish guy wants to know where I plan to move
to next, and warns me that having a long-distance relationship
change to an everyday one could be very different.

As if I don't know.

On the phone I have 3 people in succession
the last bitches about the boys on myspace wanting
to get-to-know me
but doesn't seem to know that he is the only
boy I want to get-to-know

A friend moans about their life partner
and their lack of understanding, narrow-mindedness
inability to accept certain situations in life
I burst into laughter when she says,
"He's just...special like that, a special person."

Like William Hung's mother always
told him he was special.

On yet another channel, my cousin wants to know
which is closer to KL Plaza?
Ampang or Bangsar?
Which is safer to live in?

Damn tiring right?
All that, just sitting down and turning the computer on
with my phone next to me.

Old Age Setting In

I just moisturised my face twice
because I forgot within the space of 5 minutes.
Wouldn't be so bad if moisturiser was cheap.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I watched the film of the Broadway musical Rent
on Sunday, it was very very good
its adapted from Puccini's La Boheme, which
I went to see last year

Rent is so good, its about bohemians of course
a group of friends living with AIDs.
One in particular, brings them all together, shows the
the meaning of love, generosity and life,
then, as is the norm in operas, dies.

The others are devastated yet not enough to
let go of trivialities that tear their friendships and relationships
apart, in the end the learn.
damn good,watch it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Tomorrow evening we're having steamed fish
rice and vegetables, is that ok?" I ask Dadman
as he is sorting out the laundry

"Sounds fine. Now really when it comes to ironing,
ignore the underthings and socks and etc.."

"What?I've been ironing boxers for MONTHS!"

He laughs. I walk off.
I can here him mumbling on in the laundry room

"Yes, make sure my socks are done to sharp corners
*chuckle chuckle*
Aja, I think you need to iron this face towel too!"

I ignore him. Later he comes and opens the fridge
"Ah, someone is on a health-kick, " he announces

"What makes you say that?Anyway, its a good thing!"

"Well, judging from the piles of Shape in the fridge..."

Oh gosh I can tell, its going to be so hard
in this house with good, rib-sticking
food accosting me from every corner and
this kind of teasing.

Plastic surgery, lipo, now there's an option.
Hah.

2 Years Ago

Two years ago,
my life changed for the better.

But if it changed for the better,
how is it I look so different now?
Pictures from then

I need sun! I need to rollerblade!!
I need my goddamn hair to grow
because its half short and half long now
like I have a cacat mullet and it looks like cock

I need hair colouring
I need to start going out more so that
I actually make the effort to look good
thus I will feel better about myself
and stop being a whiny little biatch.

Hmmm but going back to the pics in the link
how different those days were man,
none of my girlfriends were married for starters,
I was newly single for the first time in something like
5 or 6 years.

Oh whatever!Need to stop having
pate de foie on crackers as a 3 am snack
when I trek to the loo
and rillette on toast for breakfast
I need to stop drinking all that wine

I am becoming and pasty porker..
Fuckssake!

Then hor, to top it all off
today, Daddy sent me this email:

Your existence revolves around food.
Maybe should have named you Rotunda.

Names have influence on their owners.
AJA Look at the letter A, it's fat at the bottom.
Look at the formation of AJA...2 eyes, a nose and a fat jaw...again,
AJA has A at both ends.
Don't live up to those expectations.

If a wine taster were to consume the wine,
pretty soon there'd be none tasteable

.

Out here, we say Bah!Humbug!

Country Livin'

 

 

 

 

Saturday's Trip

 

 

 

 

 

Meow

We are getting ready to leave for
our road-trip and upstairs I can hear YM yelling at Dadman at
the top of his lungs.

I wince and stay hidden in my room, not
because YM has ever yelled at me
but because if I go out, I'd be tempted to give him
one back-hand.

Later I creep into the kitchen to make YM
his sandwich for the car ride
Dadman comes and stands beside me,
getting the cat food out
I ask him what YM was yelling about, he shrugs
then he leans over my shoulder
"Put cat-food in his sandwich" he whispers.

I laugh.

Later I tell the whole family about this
"Really, I don't see why you didn't" says granpa
"I don;t know how you put up with him!"

The Bee

Two days ago I went skipping down
the country lane in Worchester
singing, beaming at the blue skies and green fields
and I thought of the one thing missing that would make this
scene perfect

and how if you were there, you would have fit in
whether I was walking, skipping, hopping
whether I walked for miles
whether I walked in silence or sang
whether I stopped every 2 seconds to take photos
you would fit, you would be okay
you would do the same things

you would say "watch your step" a thousand times
and grip my arm
as I slip-slid in mud or climbed over stiles
you would say, "we will go straight on then left, yes?

They tell us that over the next few days
the weather will get colder, to expect snow, sleet
and today I took another walk
I realised as I went out that your deep pockets were
(it hasn't been this cold since I was last with you)
no longer there to warm my hands,
so I wore the gloves you bought
then took them off when my hands got hot
and found I had no one's pockets to store them in

Sometimes I sit paralysed with frustration
because this long-distance thing
is just bullshit
its so much work, its trusting, its not knowing
its patience, its planning in a manner that seems
far too serious for such a short time
yet is necessary

But then I think about what the days would be like
without knowing you're somewhere out there
I think I might be able to get used to it
then I know that I don't even want to find out
if I could get used to it.

And to think, a year ago, I didn't believe in this sort of thing
anymore.

And now exists this man
who creates a different language with me
whom I learn new things about each day
silly things, like discovering that we have the same
habits, thousands of miles apart
like eating cereal last thing at night.

Oh Tropical Isle!

I miss being nut brown
I miss the scene reflected in my glasses
the beach, the ocean, the hut-bar
I mees my girlfriends
I want to lie out on the sand
in my bikini and get a tan!

I was speaking to Granpa in the kitchen yesterday
and he told me the reason they go
to France so much is because Granma
suffers from SAD
and maybe hor, I do too

Would explain the past few weeks of blue
melancholy.

 

Over the Stile

Someone, spent the weekend in the country
someone, went to watch the Merry Wives-The Musical
at Stratford upon Avon (Birthplace of Shakespeare)
starring Dame Judi Dence, among others

Someone, even had tea with her brother
then someone went walking the next morning in muddy fields shared
with curious sheep
climbing over stiles then returning home for
a sunday roast chicken with lots of crispy, buttery skin

then someone helped granpa burn his pictures onto a CD
(previously granpa's idea of 'burning photos' was
in the fireplace)
then we sat in the conservatory for lemon cakes
and tea while the radiant day gave way to rain and hail.

And now, someone is home
and wanting to tell and show you more,
but someone is sleepy
so you will have to wait for someone
tomorrow.

May Monday serve you well.

 

Blown Away

Life is good
in fact, for all I've worried about the pass
year, I couldn't have expected a better outcome.

Yet I am blue. Can I be PMS-ing again?
I don't know.

The weather is atrocious to say the least,
a glance towards the terrace shows the
garden chairs blown asunder
the wind has been gusting all night
terrific whooshes every few minutes
yet, there is no howling.

Snippets of the news tells us that here and there
people are injured by falling trees and what-not.

Today didn't start out too hot (as in 'so well')
I've decided to take advantage of the UK's free healthcare
system and wanted to do a full 'women's' check-up
at the hospital today
which required me to be at the doors at 8
posing a bit of a problem
(a) I had YM to drop to school
(b) I only had a rough outline where it was

YM likes to sit and chat in the car for a few minutes
in the school car park, so you can imagine
he was peeved when I very nearly shoved him out the door

The storm was unrelenting
traffic was heavy, streets submerged
windows fogged, rendering road signs unreadable.

When I finally got there, it was a quarter to
I released the lock on the car door
and whhooooooooooosshhhh the wind yanked it open
I got out, trying not to be swayed and shut the door
and the door would.not.shut.

I stood there in disbelief and tried and tried
bang bang bang, useless bouncing back
I got back into the car, having to hold the door closed
to keep the rain and wind out

I called Dadman
Dadman called the breakdown service
the said 2 and a half hours-ish
the storm was causing other motorists problems too.

Dadman told me to go for a coffee
and what?leave the door wide open?

2 and a half hours of holding the door down
fucking brilliant.

I wound the seat-belt around door handle
but it wouldnt reach the buckle then
so I slipped it over my left thigh
and read my book.

I sat up, I lay down
I stretched my feet, I flexed my fingers
I cracked my toes, I curled my knees
and still, tick tick tick

One hour into this, the RAC man calls
"It'll be 2 hours yet love.."
he said.
"I've been sat in the car for 2 hours already!"
I nearly growled back
"I'll see if I can shuffle things around" he murmured.

In all through this, as I read
"A Short History of Tractors in Ukraina"
it flitted in my sub-concious that this was just
a minor problem, probably so easily fixed
that I'd end up feeling like a complete, utter dimwit.

Was it? Yes.
He arrived 40 mins later
one little deft hand movement when I blinked
and it was done..ta-dah!

"Wha???" I sputtered, stunned " I feel like such an idiot!
3 hours in the car!! What did you do?"

"I cheated, here let me teach you, simple door mechanics,"

Something they could have told me to do on the phone.
BLEH!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I came home, abandoned plans for the day.
Made myself a huge bowl of Kway Teow Th'ng
so good for the weather
spoke to my aunt a bit, spoke to the ray of sunshine
felt much better.

Watched a movie a bit, ate some ice-cream
slept a bit.

Now I am craving Burger King.
Like, bad. Which happens oh, three times a year?
Its a comfort food thing, then after I gorge I'll feel sick
So I am tahaning.

Oh! There's an email backlog. I am slowly answering.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So then right, I went to pick YM from school
stopping for McDonald's on the way
we bounded into the front door
and Dadman's worried face peered at me
"Are you alright lovely?I've worried about you
all day."

And oh how bad I felt
but its like this one, some days he's depressed at work
(boredom) and I worry about him
and other days I am depressed and he worries about me
but I feel so bad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a separate note,
Macckers is supposed to be globally consistent
but its not, just now the Mc Nuggets tasted like
sawdust fried in 2 week old oil
Jeez, that'll teach me.

The Pursuit of Happiness

I thought the movie was emotionally exhaustive
but good.

Anyway, struck a chord or two.

In the movie, Will Smith's son tells his father that he is going
to go pro one day on the basketball court,
the kid is 5

and Smith tells him to not waste too much time on it
because Smith himself was never very good, and that it
was likely that his boy wouldn't be as well.

Then Smith realises the magnitude of his words
and tells his son to
"Never let anyone tell you you can't do anything,
even if its me."

But do you ever wonder what happens to the other children
whose dreams are crushed because their parents
don't encourage them?

One callous utterance can make or break a person
change a whole person's life
because someone that matters to them
didn't believe in them.

Most times people aren't even aware when they do it
and they do it out of their own insecurities
passing their regrets and mistakes down another generation.

Dreams are meant to be nurtured; one has to believe in them
and oneself, be prepared to persevere and prepared for failure,
be prepared to end up somewhere totally different
but enjoy and learn from the journey chasing it.

I've always griped about parents and societies where they keep
their children tied to the apron strings
no encouragement to go out and explore, learn something
different than here and now, see things from different points
of view.

I remember when I left, Mom cried, but ultimately
she and Daddy were glad that I was going.
Everyone asked "Aren't they worried about you moving
to a foreign country?Working for a total stranger?Having no friends?"

And I realised it never dawned on me that
they were supposed to be worried.
I asked Daddy, he said
"How else will you learn? If you die, you die lah!"

I for one, wasn't worried for me. I went, things didn't work out at first,
I had no friends to start with, but I worked at it
and have gained some lifelong friendships and experiences.

But thats fate isn't it? Life, you've got to go out and grab it,
not wait for it to come, nor sit and think there's nothing
more to it, when there is a whole universe to explore.

Granted it must be hard to let go, because it means letting go
of your own fears and concerns too,
but you have to
encourage someone to spread their wings, blossom
or they will never find out what their true potential is.

Having faith in a person's ability, no matter how
ludicrous their dream may be
carries so much more weight than we realise.

All it takes is one little nudge, change a person's
future.

Thrusters

We have just been to Tesco
where YM did little dances and a new walk
that he called the 'thrusting walk'
as he followed me around.

My head is throbbing, but seriously
the kid reminds me of me when I am high
(caffeine)

"Fine then, I'll pack it!" he snaps(pretend) at me
then proceeds to slam the groceries into the bag
taking care to separate raw food.

He bids a cheery goodbye to the cashier then
remarks how rude she was to not reply.

1 minute into the drive home he says
"Aja, what is a rampant rabbit?"

"Ooo...er..its a rabbit that's gone wild really.." I reply

"No, really, what is a Rampant Rabbit?"

"Where did you see one?"

"In the window at Ann Summers, proclaiming
the all-new Rampant Rabbits!"

"Well you know what it does, YM, "

"Yes, but what about the ears? The beads?"

Then it quickly dawns on him and he says
"Oooh I get it, so it pleasures 3 places at once?"

"Yes, so it pleasures lots of places at one time.."

"OH! Mental image! Yuck. Oh god please make it stop!"

:O

Food This Week

On Monday I made Grilled Lamb Chops with
Onion Potatoes, Broccoli and Carrots with Basil Butter

On Tuesday I made a Mix Veg Masak Lemak Curry
with Jasmine Rice and Tori Karaage

On Wednesday I made Beef Stroganoff with
Fettuccine

Today we are having 3 types of sausage
(Angus Beef, Pork & Apple, Toulouse)
with Garlic Mash, Peas and a Red-wine Onion Gravy