What Everywoman Needs

The other day
I was sitting in Ikea
with Butta and my yet-to-be-born godchild
slowly making my way through

Roasted Chicken
Meatballs
Poached Salmon
and
Shrimp Toast

My ex had gotten tired of watching me eat
and ventured of in the jungles of Ikea alone
2 minutes later, I get a text

"I'm hyperventilating, I want everything!
I had to sit down because I was weak with excitement"

I told him Butta would get tired walking
(he wanted my expert opinion)
he said he would get her a wheelchair.

I know,its Ikea, its not so bad.
Be he gets excited over any type of shopping

The previous day we had spent at Low Yat Plaza,
which for me, was the equivalent of
a guy going into a Maggie T superstore
2 hours for one floor man.

So I spent my time
agging realclose to him
singing loudly in made-up chinese at random intervals
threatening to sit crossed legged on the floor like a real bangla
mimicking his gestures
and asking dumb blonde questions
(why is that TV called a monitor when it's just a TV?)

until he got really embarassed and hauled my arse out of there.

The handful of boutiques
in LYP displayed the sort of fashion sense
that made me want to kill myself.

urgh.