A Little Bit On The Side...

The other day, someone wanted to go home
and lie in my bed with me
(as they often do)

I said no.
No, because:

1. eventhough I had once laid in bed with that person, our time had passed

2. he shouldn't expect that just because he wanted to, I would want to
(if you don't greatly invest in the foreplay, don't expect great returns...
and then there's that whole discussion on when exactly foreplay comes into play,
but thats a whole other discussion)

3. Because he had recently started going out with a girl that he
had been relentlessly pursuing for months
and
is incredibly happy with.

The third point being the highlight of today's gripe.
Some people have the innate ability to screw up
what they worked so hard to get in
5 minutes of non-thought.

Some think they are invincible,
or fail to think at all
and then fate turns around
and gives them a fierce kick in the balls
and they fall, realising they are human
and wonder how on earth
they could even have thought otherwise.

Because what goes around, comes around.

I said no, not because I didn't want him to be around
but
because I didn't want to be the other woman
I didn't want him to regret it
and if he was momentarily blinded and couldn't see
that he was stupid to jeopardise his relationship
then, I would guide him.

This was also a revelation to me
because I think that at one stage in my life
I would have lured him away from the other woman
just to prove that I could,
to myself, to her, to him
because I was a bitch.
(not that I've done that to someone else's boyfriend before
but to someone caught in between)

But I've mellowed down a lot
become a lot more rational
and started to look at the bigger picture

Enough about me though.
Men and cheating, or cheating in general
why do people cheat?

Selfishness, thoughtlessness,
lack of foresight
because they can
and because they are (think they are)unable to resist chemistry when it happens.

There are two types of cheaters
the type that cheat even though they love
and will regret it later
and the type that cheat because they just don't give a shit

My ex cheated on me for a year with his ex girlfriend
and because what goes around comes around
he crashed his beloved bike to kingdom come
after boning her on her birthday
and she took him to the hospital
and I met her in pretense of saying thank-you
and he walked in on us getting-to-know-each-other
(a.k.a. throwing liquor bottles against the far wall)
and his reaction pissed her off so much
that she told me the truth.

To be fair, I had cheated on two occasions(nights though, not year) too.

I didn't leave him
I stayed and made him suffer for a year
I piled on the guilt
Until one day I met someone
sparks flew
and then somehow, we were even

It took me a long time to get into
his psyche
to disconnect and analyse the differences between
him cheating
and me cheating.

He did it because he could
because it was no-strings-attached sex
because it stroked his ego
and because of the thrill

Meaning-less sex
is something that alot of women
have alot of trouble coming to terms with
because alot of women
become emotionally attached when physically involved
and don't see how men can do it any other way
I read about it, saw it in TV
but could never fathom it
until I experienced some form of it.

Anyways, back then, I cheated because I was a sucker for sparks.
For me, chemistry was so hard to find
that I pounced on it when it did happen
allowed feelings to come into the equation.

I always believed that
chemistry = the love of your life
then, as one relationship overlapped into the other
and I kept feeling sparks here and there
I realised that if I followed the sparks
I would just keep jumping
and would never settle down.

There is no 'the one'.

but there is one of 'the one' s
that you conciously decide to make
'the only one'.

When you make someone 'the only one'
you do it with full knowledge
that temptation is
without a doubt going to come a-knocking
again and again
someone else is going to cause thrills to run down your spine
eventually
you are going to meet someone
whose gaze will electrify you
and who's smile will make your day
but because you already made a decision
on 'the only one'
you will try your damndest to take a step back
turn around and go home.

But of course, in moments of heat
people are blinded
don't say no, then regret
that is where the strong understanding spouse comes in
to hold what they have together
to realise that everyone makes mistakes
to forgive, and try and forget and start over.

Love is about making it work, building so much with someone
that when temptation comes around, no matter how strong
you will weigh the pros and cons
and realise that what you built outweighs it

Someone asked me the other day
whether its all fresh air and sunshine
and I said 'no, it's not'

It worried me so much to say that
had I become too jaded?
where had my sentimental, romantic nature gone?
But you know what?
you can still be romantic and idealistic, just be so within the realms of reality.

It's more than love
its a partnership,
you will have to compromise, give in,
be prepared work hard at keeping it together

if you havent got that patience, then you're not ready
but if you give so much that it tires you out
and you resent it,
then you're in a rut.

The rut is another issue:
So many people are in one
unhappy, resentful
but too afraid to start a fresh
after such a long time in a rut
So they spend their time
trying to psycho themselves into believing
that that is all there is.

It isn't.