What I Did With My Weekend

• Got the little toe of my left foot crushed by a fat bitch in stiletto boots. (true)
• Gave her a high flying kick that hurled her at the wall with such force that she blew a hole in the wall and ended up in the street where all the trishaw riders fell upon her like a pack of animals, putting on her boots and jumping up and down on her.(false)
• I got to go home to Henry! (I hadn't been home since I spent the night at may's last Friday)
• I decided that when faced with and option of going out with a pack of Aussie men, and staying home in bed, the latter is by far the best option.
• Bought numbers (3d + 4d) with Butta in hopes of a fast road to millionaireship.
• Won lots and lots of money, told stupid Chinese-Ed clients who cannot speak English but try to correct mine, to fuck off, quit job. Took bestfriends out for dinner, arranged deserted island holiday trip. Made arrangements to live each quarter in the Cook Islands, Edinburgh, Provence and Japan/Thailand. Spend rest of life happily squandering money on Veuve Cliquot, Foie Gras,Chicken Rice and books(but make some more as a stringer for food & travel magazines).(false)
• Checked to see if number came out. Drank self to oblivion when found out that it didnt.(could have happened, but am not PMS-ing so, not-so dramatic)
• Decided to start doing freelance work and lined up first job for this evening. Japanese restaurant review.Yeah! (true)
• Found out that men from down-under all dance the same way.(true)
• Met a great aussie guy who could dance like Usher, had a genuine interest in getting to know me, treated the parking attendents with respect, wore a nice ironed Shirt and was the epitome of a gentleman.(does it count if I dreamt it? It was soooo real)

• Woke up on SUNDAY without a hangover.(TRUE!!)
• Let my mother fall asleep on my lap while watching CSI Sundays.Looked at her in a mixture of disgust and affection when she started snoring like a hog. (true)
• Begin to panic when she started to drool on my leg. (false, but I imagined 'what if?')
• Found a beautiful bay of black sand at batu ferringhi, whiled away a beautiful sunny, breezy Sunday afternoon with a blonde dog and a 6ft2 giant moaning of a toothache.(true)
• Swam in an ocean of crystalline waters that lapped at the black sand bay, a beautiful contrast of green waters and black.(false)
• bought indian me from an indian mee woman because all the stores but her were doing brisk business.
• Read Orwell's Down and Out in London and Paris. Wondered halfway through whether reading a book on surviving in near-poverty is a good thing? Shouldn't I be reading a Trump book?
• Threw book off the balcony then realised it belonged to my Boss. (false)
• Got 2 parking summons (true)
• Threw them out of the window and pretended I never saw them (false (= )
• Told my mother again that she cannot come and live with me.