Excessively Pensive

I was thinking ,
I don't gamble very much at all
I don't drink in excess, til I pass out or forget what happened
I don't do drugs
I don't work so hard that I forget my life
I don't party so much that I forget my work

Maybe the one thing I do do in excess
is feel
I think too much
I allow every little thing to inundate me
my heart gambles for me
which is sometimes good
and other times bad

It's good, when the rich blue of the sky
and beauty of the day
distracts me from my book

It's bad when I read the news
Its bad when I analyse life, love, hate, friends, relationships

Sometimes I hope to much, sometimes I have too much faith
when I shouldn't at all
and yet I know that this is me

Appreciate every little thing
dive into every moment whole-heartedly
In this life, disappointments abound
love teems
It's really just about where you look
and how you look at it
I know all this

Yet, suddenly I am fumbling in darkness
Its a feeling of vulnerability
that I cannot blame on anyone but myself
worse yet, that I cannot control