Pubic Hair Topiary

Saturday afternoon
I met Angeline
at La Bodega Lounge
expecting the others
to come early
and to have a few hilarious rounds
of Taboo.
Didn't happen.

Instead Mr.Cham text out of the blue
and decided to come
and as always,with Mr. Cham
came the alcohol at 3pm.

By 5 , I was pink in the cheek
trying to walk coolly to the toilet
and 'hover' without splashing my buttcheeks
with gushing piss
while reading the toilet
ads.

One was for the Ozmosis Spa
and just like that
I called, for a Brazillian.

"Oh my god, babe," said Angeline
reaching for my hand
and scrunching her face up in imaginary pain
when I broke the news
that I had a booking in 40 mins

"Do they do men?" piped Mr. Cham

Angeline starts to regale me with horrow
waxing stories
"Its okay babe, I've done it before" I assure
even though now,
I was beginning to feel slightly unsure.

Then the Spa called.
Could I come now?
Appointment brought forward.
Whoop-tee-doo!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first part of my body that I ever got waxed

was the area
commonly known as 'bikini'

but it wasn't
just the bikini area

oh no, I went for the bloody Brazillian

Being my first time and all

I guess it was pretty fucking dumb

of me.

This was 2 yrs back

I'm on 9hr transit
at Changi en-route to Meenambakkan

So I hop into a cab and head for Orchard Road

after a solo Chicken Rice lunch

and some wandering around

some stunned gasping

at the exorbitant prices

I decided to look for a place
that would give me a Brazillian

but all the places I went to

didn't provide the service

( hahah somehow I find that sentence funny)

Eventually, I opted for a French Manicure at

some dark, dingy place

that I can't remember the name of

Somehow the conversation with my manicurist
came around to waxing

and I nonchalantly mentioned the Brazillian

"Oh! We do it" she says

Oh yes, it was one of those,

one of the "We do it all" type places.

I warily looked around

"Er no, just inquiring", I said lowering my eyes.

But it was too late

I was going to get sucked into

this bubbling vortex of sizzling sales pitches
and in the end relented.

The 'waxing room', was the 7x4foot space
at the end of the shop
hidden by a thin plastic curtain

To say I was self-conconcious,
as I sat my bare bottom down
on the cold bed-type-thing
and opened my legs to this stranger
understatement of the century.

The woman was clearly as
uncomfortable
to be peering in between my lips
as I was with her doing it

she did her job swiftly
I bit down on my sweater
from the pain

She'd done the top triangle
and was about to move down
"Stop" I said, "Cannot, too painful"

"Are you sure?"

I nodded in silent confirmation.

"Excuse me, miss?" Piped another voice
from the other side of the curtain.
"It really hurts less down there,trust me"

(yes to my utter embarassment the whole salon had had the pleasure of
hearing me throughout my ordeal)

"Okay I'll trust you" I said to the stranger,
knowing that if I stopped now
everyone in the salon would brand me
the 'pussy'.

And you know what?
She was right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fast forward to 2 years later in Bangsar
Aida greets me warmly
she is professional
and I am comfortable stripping off
in front of her

We chat throughout
I ask her how she got into
the line

how much she earns
(more than me)
what the client base is like
(80% expats)
Whether she's had dodgy clients
(yes, she threathen to call the non-existent bouncer)

and the next thing I knew
I looked down
and
botak.

She's good. I recommend her.