Anal is In

Its 8 am,
the haze is making it ghostly way across the bridge
shrouding the island
as we leave.

Am I lucky or what?

Everyone was warning me against
leaving smog free Penang
for the haze laden valley
who would have guessed?

That the haze hates me.

So, on to the roadtrip.

I am in the passenger seat,
behind me
my two teenage cousins are more
barking, then talking.
Every sentence when addressing each other
ends with 'stupid'.

My aunt Pat
who's visiting from Japan,
is behind the wheel.

I groan inwardly when
she says she plans to stick to the speed limit.

10 minutes in
and we are plod plod plodding
I can count every stalk of grass
that we pass.

I glance at her
she glances at me

"what the hell. I'm on holiday!
Its not like I can't afford a speeding ticket.."
and with that,
the inner speed demon is unleashed.

Surely I've mentioned that both sides
of my family
are
equally anal
between them covering
most possible ways
of being anal.

So when it's my turn to drive
I am doing 140 kmph
(even after warning my aunt
that my other aunts once
complained
that I drive impossibly slow)
couldn't possible be outdriven by my aunt could I?

"Oh this bloody fluff is driving me nuts!"
exclaims aunt Pat,
referring to the lint from the towel
that I used to bundle myself
up from the a/c

"I hope you don't mind if I clean while you drive"
she says, whipping out a wet-one.

She starts to polish the dashboard,
"You dont mind do you?" she asks again
as she wipes the steering wheel
and around my hands
while I struggle to keep my eyes on the
road
and maintain my 140.

Fortunately, we arrive safely in the
clear skied valley.

where my uncle told us to meet him near
Vistana
and I told aunt Pat that I could get there without directions
but she didnt believe me
and got a cab to guide us
but told the others that
we had found my way all our own.

We met up with Pat's sister, Nat
and my uncle
in some mamak
where my uncle ordered curry puffs
and stared at them glumly
when they came
because he realised he was on
the Atkins Diet
his pain increasing
when the beggar refused
his mouth watering curry puffs.