Always Take Earplugs

I woke up sick and parched,
at 9 am
when my aunt called to ask us if
we wanted to go for breakfast

after much trying
I finally dropped off again
only to be woken
by the sound of the other phone ringing.

This call was greeted with an extremely brusque
" who in their right mind calls anyone
before midday on a Sunday morning?"
and slamming down of the phone
(or rather, pressing disconnect)

Next, the bell went.
"May I make your room up, Miss"
the kindly lad inquired.

I definately scowled, hell,
I think I even let out a hysterical laugh
before I gave him a gruff
"No, you most certainly may not".

As I stumbled in the dark
[I just loooveee blackout drapes]
avoiding the minefield
of early morning room service paraphenalia,
courtesy of my cousin.

I plotted my
"revenge of the bell-boy who ignored the DnD sign"
then I realised
I had dropped the sign
tottering in last night
and forgotten to put it back up.

Sleep eluding me
and throat constricted from dehydration
yet too shy to summon a butler
I groggily dressed
made my way downstairs
and drank 4 glasses of orange juice
ate a croissant with marmalade and cheese
then went up flopped into bed.

45 mins later
I was late for a casting call.
My first too.

So i'm frantically applying makeup
getting dressed
Finally all made-up,
I tip toe pass the bell-boy
that I was oh-so-rude
to this morning,
my face a mortified red.

I cab my way there
but when I finally find the place
it is deserted.

I hit LBD
order a giant cap
and though I have no issue
in sitting alone in a packed restaurant
I allow myself to become melancholy
and miss my girlfriends.

Later I go back,
the casting girl is there.
I apologise for being the reason
she has to work on a Sunday.
She smiles
and then begins endless
makeup problems.

My makeup is not strong enough
I havent brought any
and even so I dont know how to apply it
neither does she
and the make up they have
doesnt agree with me.

2 exhausting, uncomfortable
(me squirming unnaturally under the lights)
hours later,
we're done.

I cab to Ikea.
Meet up with the rest of the family.
I am weak with hunger
and still feeling feverish.

The place is jam packed.
whole families with extended uncles and aunties
are crowding aisles
enthusiastically
shouting the merits of this and that
across to each other.
I'm surprised they didnt picnic.

And the kids..
why does every bloody kid
get an empty mini-trolley
to ram into your knees and roll over your toes?

Soon we are in the car
making our way out to the highway.

My other aunt is now behind the wheel
and this one really will stick to the speed limit.

The older pair of
sisters are patronizing each other
The younger pair of sisters
occasionally bark
I was wishing for earplugs.

"We're you two as bad?"
I ask my aunts
"We were worse, we used to try and kill each other"

"We used to throw stones at each other"

"But when your grandmother came,
aunt Pat always got hit
cos she shouted,
but I always knew how to keep my voice down"
says Nat slyly.

Somehow I found that funny.

"Was it like this?
did she scream 'Nat, you bitch!' and did you then go
'*whisper* cheebai bin, kan lu boh eng la!'

So then Nat starts her 110
but then we realised we've come off an exit after
Sg. Buloh
and my cousins really want BK from
the Sg. Buloh overhead bridge

The car is on Empty
and Pat is robotically listing off
each petrol station as we pass
"We are now passing a Petronas, we are now passing a Caltex..."

Nat is non-commital
she wants Shell.

"I'm not getting out and pushing the car"
warns Pat
"Its okay, I'll push it"
Nat shoots back.

"Earplugs Appear!" I command in my mind.

Finally, a Shell.
After Rawang.
now we turn off the highway
and start the 30 min journey
back to Sg. Buloh

"Aunt Nat ," I say cautiously
"Erm..you really don't need to stick to the limit
here you know,lets just speed til Sg. Buloh"
I cajole.

"Nope" she says

From the back, Pat pipes up.
"Fuck you Nellie, if you're gonna drive like this the whole
way, you can sit in the boot and I'll drive"

"Earplugs APPEAR!" I command again.

I cannot sleep. I never can in cars or buses or trains.
I have this fixation, with whats going on outside
the window.
Its also and opportunity for me
to gather my thoughts
or get lost in my daydreams.

Soon I'm driving (I offer)
The needle on the speedometer creeps
up.
Nat is drowsily yet strictly watching.
Pat, I'm sure, is silently cheering me on.

By 9 30, we are home.
We left Ikea at 3.40.