Overcoming the Need

I am the absolutely worse person to come to with relationship problems right now. When I look at my life now, in comparison to the lives of my attached friends, and my life before, things are just so much less complicated.

So right now, when a friend starts on those relationship woes, its the least I can do to keep myself from shouting 'just dump the bastard!'

Being fair, I'll try and weigh it out, help both parties if I can.

But I can't help by wondering, how much do we gain when we fool ourselves into thinking that something unlikely is going to happen, that this is it, that it will last? That he won't cheat, or take you for granted or bloody hell, that he won't just be what he basically is: a vulgar caveman?

Maybe I sound a little jaded, but hell, why do we choose to make it so complex?

Our needs are basic, and if we choose, we can fulfill those needs if and when we choose. Don't the men do that anyways?

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that we do not need to be part of a couple, that we do not need to settle down and get married, live happily and all that jazz, eventually.

What I am saying is that, with so much at risk(your heart,trust,faith), we can afford to be more picky, more cautious.

Women seem to have this built in need, or rather seem to have this belief that they cannot survive on their own. That they need to be with someone to be complete. By some masochistic property, some of us actually embrace the complications,heartache, the problems etc.

Put simply, we can survive without, but we've just been brought up to believe that a woman's sole purpose in life is to find that one prince, get married and move into a great big castle.

In this day and age, the options and oppurtunities are endless. How much do we give up each day for a man, for what we think is love until you find a red bra in his toiletry cabinet? How much do we regret doing or not doing in the end? Speaking from personal experience: alot.

And why? when we can have our cake and eat it as well? I enjoy being single, despite perception and what the Asian culture believes, single women are not sluts or GO's or mistresses.(but gossip and perception opens a whole new can of worms, so I'll get to that another time).

I can have dinner alone, with a man, or with a group seven days a week if I want to, I can stay in bed all day and be a complete slob and not worry about anyone bugging me, I can go to sleep at peace come night-time and not wonder where he is, who with etc.

And yet, If I need it, I know who to go to if I need someone who will just hold me, fall asleep with me. I know where I can find a wild time, I know who will wine and dine me. And these don't have to be random strangers picked up at some pubs. But friends,people who, like you, choose to live life with less complications.

Most times, because I know its available as and when needed, I choose not to have it. I want that special thing, that love too, but that doesnt mean I'll go looking in every corner, or pine away til I find it. I am a romantic at heart, I still believe in fate, I Just don't believe in pushing it.

I think think that we tend to create a need, when we can just as easily survive without.

If a guy doesn't say he'll call, then there is no expectation, no need created, if he say's he will then, the need is sparked and we wait like fools.If you think you need a man to count on twenty four seven, then you're going to start believing it, but the truth is, you can survive just as well without.

There's always girlfriends, guyfriends and family to share those moments with anyway, and it can be just as satisfying.

To those wondering what sparked this off...My close friend's husband left her for her cousin, she has 2 kids, the baby just survived a heart op.My other girlfriend found someone else's lingerie in her boyfriends drawer. And some arsehole violated my privacy in pretense of looking for something.