A Beng's Bitch

As Beng as he is, I fear I am being wooed
by a pro-woo-er

Last week when I was sick
home-made soup was delivered to my doorstep.

This week, this arrived.

There's the card, flowers, 45 pieces of fruit,
but most of all I like the honey.
To soothe my throat apparently.

I send the girls a mass missive:

I'm being wooed by a pro wooer.
Last night I went for dinner with the Beng
When I opened the car door, there was this huge basket of fruit, 2 red roses,
HONEY (to have in tea and soothe my throat!) a big red crepe paper bow,
and a sweet card.
HotouchingER.
He said he went to pick the fruit himself, and if it weren't for the
honey, I wouldn't believe him.
Anyway I told him the honey was a great touch and that he should
seriously write a book on how to woo and what to say.

Anyways. Obviously this isn't going to go anywhere because he's a Beng
and i will never be a Beng's bitch.
(the reasons are actually much more complicated)
hahahahahahahahahaha
but I'll enjoy the company.
And for now, I have fruit to last me a whole month.
SERIOUSLY. one fruit a day can last me 45 days. I counted. But obviously
it wont last so long la, because last night and today alone already 6
pieces.

Great for when I go to the toilet.
(=

The replies:
_____________________________________________________

Wahh what school did ah beng go to?? Must send all the guys there :)
______________________________________________________

hahahahahahaha............
this gets better and better every time.....
can we officially call Aja "Ah Lian" now?
________________________________________________________

I got i got Ah Beng..
he so Ah Beng until now they call him "John Beng"
He wears those flared at the end kinda jeans has a gold chain and gold
ring and says "wah lan ehhh"
i win!!!
_______________________________________________

In every girl's lifetime, she should have a 'To Do' List.
And on that list, one of the numbers is 'Ah Beng'.
So, just geddit over and done with ,Ja!
kekekeekekkeekkeeke
>
so...any of you girls did an Ah beng before???
i did an AH KAW!
BEAT THAT!
from PAHAI!
_________________________________________________
wah, HOsweetER although i have to say the BANANAS and the HANDWRITING is
> quite the AH BENG looking ler...
> kekekeke.
__________________________________________________

I love my girlfriends!

If You Can't Beat Em, Join Em?

The other night a friend asked me out for coffee
I had only met him once before
and it was through a mutual friend
and this, would presumably be,'business'.

So we plan to meet at Bagan
but just as I step into my car
he calls to say it's shut
and offers to pick me up

Drives up, flash car and everything
and we decide to go for dinner instead

Italian place.
I peruse the menu
Our friend has no need to.
he summons the waitress and orders..
in Hokkien
yes, italian food, think Bistecca di Manzo

He orders wine in chinese as well
pausing to pronounce the name and type perfectly
and when I say Hokkien right, it's not hokkien
like I speak (well obviously not)
it's true gritty deep down in the dungeons of China hokkien
with the inflection of a true Ah Beng

I am cringing yet incredibly amused
because his english is pretty darn good
but so are his chinese dialects
and as he speaks he sways between chinaman and english law student
and at moments I am confused as to which is happening
"Hang on, did you mean lor or Law?"

So then we take a trishaw ride around the heritage enclave of town
because I always do this shit
and he tells me things about Penang that I never knew
and is patiently conversational when it comes to the trishaw rider's
incessant story-telling and idle chitchat

He provides a wealth of information
is knowledgeable, witty and possesses a saccharine tongue
is cultured, yet, not so
(appreciates the best of worldy western pleasures,
yet can squat over a drain for Curry Mee)

and at times he was markedly flippant with the wait-staff
(which is the complete opposite of me having experienced that end of the spectrum,
unless they are really terrible of course. Or PMS)

and he just may have sniffed the wine cork

yet this point may be negligible because
as much as I know sniffing the wine cork tells one nothing,
(you are actually to look at the cork
for 3 reasons:
Is it crumbly? Is the end wet? and are there stains round the side?
these things tell you if the wine has been stored properly)

Yet, I can never resist doing it if the cork is set before me

So sue me, I like the smell of cock.oops.
cork, I meant.

I forget the point of my telling this story though

(Sorry this was actually written much much earlier
and today I've been running around like a mad cow
in an hour I leave for Pangkor Laut
then tomorrow, the smog filled valleys of KL
to meet my goddaughter (=)

Ah yes, it wasn't just to state my 'Ah Beng Encounter'
(and the fact that it was enjoyably amusing rather than horrific)
but it also struck me that even out to dinner with a friend
I'm observing each move, ticking boxes.

Sigh.

He Says, She Says

She:I'm stuck in the bastard jam
He: Blueberry or Marmalade?
She: Definately marmalade, always marmalade
He: Mamalaid and here I am!

He: knock-knock
She: Who's there?
He: Blueberry
She: Blueberry who?
He: Blueberry More!

So, I'm stuck in the jam and laughing uncontrollably.
Children are trying to cross the road.

She: I'm trying to avoid children!
He: Yeah, so am I. Thinking of caning helps.

She: What is that scent you're wearing?
He: Scent o' Klaus

Wednesday Woo Hoo

7.49 pm and I am still in the office
which is damn late considering I got in before 10 today
I love it when I'm in the office at this time
really I do.
makes me feel productive and all that jazz
though really, I'm not

I'm just waiting for the bleedin to designer to hurry
and run things by me
so that I can go
so that we can both go
he turned around and showed me his arse-crack just now
it looked like there was lots of daki.

Okay okay change subject.

In the designers section
they listen to mandarin radio
and my boss and I, who rarely venture in
long enough to actually listen
to what's going on on the radio
had the pleasure of a prolonged erm..experience just now

the DJ was speaking his ching chong but pronounced all
the English words in a Chinafied manner
there were only some words that I highlighted in my head
yet as did, my boss mocked aloud
the very same ones!

It's weird and you're probably not getting it
but who cares!

I need a drink.

Okay here's something I discussed with a friend today
when one of my exes broke up a long time ago
he refused to give me my stuff
and took whatever he could back
from underwear to laptop.

and I see this as extreme bitterness of course
anger, most of all pain
but then, there's also love

Not a healthy love of course but
I guess he hated that I could leave and not look back
while he was in agony
and that I didn't seem to feel for him
or anything resembling what he felt

So refusal to give me my stuff was a bid for attention
going to extremes to get any sort of reaction from me,
just a reaction
acts to try and pierce the wall around my heart,
make me hurt as he was hurting.

After a few long, painful months
we got over that, he gave me my stuff
(not all)
we were friends, then not, then friends, then not
and now for the longest time, we are.

So the other day,
my friend and his chick split
and she being the more financially sound one
had bought him lots in their 5 yr relationship
she took it all back
every single thing she could get her paws on
and more.

So my other friends said she was being a real bitch
and I tried to justify it by saying she was only doing it because
she loves him so much, hurts so much
and needs a reaction from him

Am I wrong here?
I've never done this before, but when it happens to me
I put myself in the other party's shoes
and these are the only reasons I can think of
I can't imagine that someone would do it just out of malice
I can see pain.

What I Did Last Sunday

The China In Me

We are having lunch in one of those
'quaint' (haha) places in AhBengCentral

We tried to go shoping see
but cos we're like,
not-your-average-chinese-girl-sized
nothing fit
fuckers.
they only bring in 'S'
it's size discrimination.

A familiar chinese song is playing somewhere

'I like this song' says I

'I like this song too,' says she

'I think it's Tou Hwa, I have it!' says I

Celyn's eyes bug out, 'You have it?'

"Yeah lah! I have 5 chinese songs.
they were to get me into the Chinese New Year spirit!"

I can even sing Wu Shing Shang Hai
I am not embarassed, so there!
Heh. Constantly surprising you. Or something.

Marriage, Shhmarriage

What's with it nowadays?
Everyone is breaking up and its all the long-long coupled ones.

Just now the girls and I were chatting about my singledom
listing out my criteria
spouting differences between those
I am drawn to and those drawn to me
They say they wish they had the wooing that I am getting
I tell them,'but what is wooing when you have love?'
they tell me I could have love if I wanted
that I just need to give people more of a chance.

Falls on deaf ears though
I mean, if I already know that it most probably will not work out
why get into it right?

And yet,
I remember myself giving someone the very same advice recently.

So here I am chatting chatting with a buddy
then he lets out about another break-up
(* culprit claps hand over mouth and gives Aja wide-eyed look*)
from a marriage that inspired me during my break-up
and I am completely, utterly stunned

"What??But how?" I sputter

"Oh no! I sooo wasn't supposed to tell you
cos you're so cynical.
Now you'll never let anybody in or give them a chance!"

Where got?Where got?
Where Got, I ask you?

I'm not cynical I'm just cautious.
I believe in love, relationships,
that somewhere out there exists a good man
created just for me
hahaha
Aiya.I just dont believe in investing in something
that has no potential to grow ..and that makes me one picky bitch.


aiya I dont know la
bug me with all this deep shit for what
I have my period
second time this month
as if once isn't enough.

Biartttttttttttttttttttttttttttttch.

She Says, She Says

In our bid to escape the daily drudgery of our lives
(and save may from lazing by her outback pool)
Celyn and I have been MSN-ing with her

I am reading but not typing, telling them that I'm trying to get some work done
eavesdropping basically.

May: I'm so sick of being jobless that I actually considered being a Mystery Shopper
Cel: What's a Mystery Shopper?
Aja: It's a shopper who shops with their eyes closed, blindfolded.
Aja: Mystery mah!
Aja: Then get home, WOW, surprise!
Cel: Aja, go back to work!
May: Go back to work!
Cel: Wow, kinda freaky how we say the same thing huh?

Aja goes back to work.

......................................................

Cacat.
My days are like this.
I haven't blogged because I can no longer say what I want to say.
Which sucks.
Need a new outlet.

CNY Posts

Yeah yeah, finally.

An entire week off for CNY and here's what I did,
in pictures.

Far far less than I took though
what to do?
Too damn many pics
I swear, now I'm deliberately leaving my camera
at home.

Sorry, anyone who wants to request pics
leave a comment or email me.

 

 

 

 

Ate Far Too Much of This

 

Covered the CNY Open House @ The Heritage Enclave

 

Pigged Out

 

Road-trip!

 

Cooked A 'Girls' Dinner

 

 

Took A Pic of Someone's Breasts

 

Attended A Bday Party