Productivity, That's Me (and you!)

I woke up, looked at my watch
half-six am
I looked at my phone, last message received, half-six
'oh!must have woken me' I thought

Though in that state of grog
I didn't realise that watch and phone were on
different time zones

I knew this was one of my only days
to drive to the clinic early for a
free check-up
yet snuggled myself into a ball
cursing the heater for making things all the more cosy

But then, I sprung up
said "Aja, this behaviour will not do!"
and got myself out the door to the clinic

When I got there though, I reached the back of the queue
and right beside me, a sign
"if you are queueing past this line,
it is unlikely that you will be seen today"

'Right!' said moi to moi
'home to bed then?'

Home to bed we went.
In bed we tried to sleep, but sleep
was oh-so-elusive
so we got out, cleaned cat-shit, made breakfast
(hands disinfected of course!)

Then we said to ourselves, 'let's springclean our room!'
so for 3 hours we toiled, hoovering
throwing out bits and bobs, moving furniture
cataloging CDs

Then Leyna
(axe murderer as she is known in this house
because 'you met her off the internet!')
she text to say she was near
and off I went to lunch with her
then we ambled about town, boutique browsing

I had read about Foxy's and was eager to explore
so she came in tow (stopping by a purveyor of fine meat en-route)
and we oohed and ahhed
eyes growing big as saucers when our eyes fell upon
the gargantuan slices of Lemon Meringue Cake and
Chocolate Mud Pie.

Then, I got a grip of myself
"No, we cannot.." I said, back straight, chin set,
and with that, we walked calmly out
across the way to look at the menu for an italian restaurant.

Then, I spy a poster for a photo exhibit and in we go
this is when I do the 'phtuiii' sound
by pursing my lips and blowing air out through them
I bitch about the photographer's work
"Hello? Taking photos like that and
using light boxes to light it up and calling it art?
I osso can okay? I OSSO CAN!"

We leave.

A little lane, runs into wooded greenery
"This way!"

"Are you sure you know where we're going?"

"Of course!" I say with great conviction,
though I really don't and am relying on my superior sense of
direction (though the Bee will say I am a stubborn cow
whose sense of direction is not superior)

Its raining, as we get deeper down the lane and trees
close in overhead I say
"Oh noo! What if we get lost?
Then we shall have to hunt for deer, for food, and to shield us
from this rain and cold, we must build a shelter,
cut down trees.."

Leyna laughs politely, though I know
she is really thinking ' Oh my god, what a weirdo!'

We get to the park, now I really know where we are
"Yay!"

"Good, cos I need to pee.."

"Well, I know where we are..but still half an hour yet.."

"Whhhhatttt?"

"No lah, joking...he-he :D"

"You go la, squat in the bushes.."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


3 seconds later

Leyna: There are flowers on that bench, did someone
die in this park?

Me: Its just a bench dedicated in memory...

Leyna: Okay, can we go quick..

Me: Why, scared issit?

Leyna: No, just dun like flowers and dead people

Me: You dun like flowers is it?

Leyna: I like colourful flowers, but I don't think they like me!

:0

I know this is not a good time to tell her that on our left is
the war veteran memorial garden
a veritable bounty of flowers and dead people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We get home and no one else is home.
Leyna zeroes in on the leftover christmas cake
and just as she's about to dig in
NMTP and YM comes in

"You will not believe the axe murderer!" I shout upstairs
"She came right in and had the
cheek to immediately go for the cake!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

" I am going to send Leyna home, tell your mom
to call if she needs me to get groceries
on the way back.." I tell YM

Leyna and I make a pitstop and the 2 sorry chinese groceries
in Cardiff-town
we buy next to nothing, we spend nearly an hour browsing
"Look!, Look! WOW! Omigosh!"

at one point I smugly announced that I buy Yeo's beehoon
cos I support my country
"Uh, Yeo's is Singaporean" she says

Oh no! Salah support-ation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leyna wants to show me a new short-cut
but is a bit blurry on it herself
"Hmmm, lets go this way!" I say
"and this way!"

Soon, we are lost, then we find our way
in the midst NMTP calls with her
shopping list

We get to Leyna's
she shows me the new place, I think it brilliant
(helping direct the moving tomorrow (; )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I leave, for Tesco's
do my supermarket run, get home,
dump groceries and proceed into my room
to bask in its refurbished-ness

"Aja, did you get the pasta?"

"Shoot! I'll go now!"

"Yes, you can have a drink when you get home" (incentive)

I fling the front door open and roar,
"BOLLOCKS!" when I see the
cats and dogs falling from the sky

"YM, may I borrow your coat?" I say slipping
its wonderful 50 pound, warm, waterproof gore-tex goodness
over my shoulders

As I step out and do the breast-stroke through a puddle,
I realise that my feet are clad in
toe-socks and flip-flops.

Brilliant. Just brilliant.