Everything Is Broken

Here I am, first day of
my period, majorly cramping
in hormonal hell
trying to deal with feeling like my heart is shattering
over a reason that wont be mentioned
crying over stupid emails

Why does my heart feel like it's breaking?
It has no reason to feel like this

I have no reason to feel like this
I know it's stupid, yet I can't bloody help it

I am not even listening to 'kill myself' type of music
in fact I've made concious effort to listen to upbeat stuff
even the special kit-kat left by some kindly soul
in my tray
has failed to lift my spirits from the doldrum

I want the world to go away
I want to curl up in a ball and hide with the covers tucked up to my chin
in Henry

I want to pound the walls

I want to hurl the neighbour's
stupid, green nine-headed dragon with
red, blue and yellow flashing lights
and smoky effect fountain
thats left out in the common area,
off the balcony
I want to do the same with their dog and its incessant barking

I want to know why she doesn't even acknowledge things
take a step
why I allow myself to even be so goddamn affected

Why I say so much, yet so little

Why do I feel like I have nowhere to turn to?
When I know that I do.

Loneliness consumes me today
swallowing me up in a depressive funk

I want to spoon, I want a hug.