He Says, She Says

He: Hey what's up? How was KL?
Me: It was good, a bit upsetting some ways, great others.
He: Did you do a lot of four-nee-cate-ting?
Me:*lol* not even close!
Me:Will you take me out on a date?
He: Er...what do you mean?
Me: Like a date, I want to be taken out on a date,
watch a movie, eat dinner, something..
my friends are all glowingly happily attached
and I am a potted plant.
He: Depends, do we get to four-nee-cate?
Me: It's a bloody first date, I don't four-nee-cate!
He: Sorry, just realised I'm damn busy the whole month, gotta go!
*hangs up*

This is sadness redefined.
Lemma, ownself ask people to take you out on a date.
kanneh.

I'm still at the office.
I offered to come back to work tomorrow.
I fucking offered.
My boss didn't say 'no'.

Today is a John Mayer Day

Last when I finally dived into Henry last night
it was pushing the witching hour
the weekend past didn't involve much sleep
and I, was determined to get some
I didn't set my alarm, put my phone on 'silent'
and slept.

This morning I forced my eyes open
after ignoring the continuous beeps signifying numerous
missed calls
the little bitch next door was yapping
I stretccched my limbs
wiped the sleep from my eyes
then I went out
and found that someone left this

outside my front door
I then said a drawn out
"Aiiiiyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyooooooooooooooo"
quickly followed by
"Fuck."

What Are the Chances?

So today at 2.30pm
I have my granduncle's funeral to attend
it is likely to end at 5pm
and I will then rush to the wake
of a colleague's mother.

What are the odds?

After the wake I will have to rush to
make french lessons at 7.30
and when it ends at 9.30 I will make haste
to Batu Ferringhi to buy peace offerings
in the form of pirated DVDs
for Pangkor Laut dwellers

before 2.30 pm,
I must somehow finish all the work thats due
then after Batu Feringghi
I must write the 3 articles
that I owe the Bintang
The Boss just summoned me about commissioning me
to do a coffee-table book
and I have already agreed to do another one
I said okay anyway

No, Aja just doesn't know how to say 'no'

Care to swap lives?Anyone?
Anyone at all?

And here I am blogging.

S-M-U-T = smart

Finally!

Ahhh at last I got the pics from the weekend up
but you must scroll
down down down
past the emo 6 something in the morning post,
til you encounter a title like so
"Stevo Turns Kong-Kong"
that be where the weekend pictures begin.

I do so apologise for the unkempt appearence
of this here blog
over the few days past
Blogger has been a PMS-ey bitch
and hey! So have I.

No posting pictures
no editing
not formatting
all that bitchy bullshit.
Thank god it's over.

I would so love to write more,
but I am busy trying to finish work
so that I don't have to work
when I leave for my fantastic and much-needed
island holiday tomorrow eve

Before I go,
I would like you to know that
my eye hurts
just one
the one on the left
my left
it would be on your right though

it could hurt because
there is a sore being born
or it could hurt because I have been staring at the computer screen
non-stop for up to 24 hours at a time

I think the latter

But why only one side?

Melancholic Morning

I was working late
So I decided to take a break and post the party pictures
but Picasa and Hello were fucking up
and I couldnt do it all in sequence so
I gave up
And somehow started writing this damn long emo post

Took me a whole darn hour
Then I hit ‘publish’
And Blogger wiped it out
Completely.
Poof! Gone.
An hours work in a split second.

I couldn’t sleep then
So I wrote,
And now I can’t sleep still because
I’m furious.

I guess there’s a lot on my mind.

Touching Butta’s taut belly
And knowing that life flourishes within her, daily

Made me momentarily forget
The life lost last week

I guess it affects me so because
children have always been a
huge part of my life.

When I was 12, my mother gave birth to
my half-sister, Cheryl

Because my mom suffers from
An immune system deficiency called
Systemic Lupus Ehrytomatosus,
She was weak
(she wasn’t even supposed to have a baby)
And I brought my sister up most of her infant life
(and missed a lot of school but it was worth it)

I can’t describe the feelings that flood my heart when
She calls just to tell me she loves me
Or suddenly leans over to peck my cheek
Or when I receive one of her
heartbreakingly sweet hand-made cards

4 years later, my half-brother Brendon

was born to my father’s new wife
she wasn’t too keen on babies then
and I can’t count the times
that baby fell asleep to the sound of my heartbeat
ensconced in the warmth of my chest

Now when we’re sitting next to each other in the car
Brendon cannot stand that we aren’t physically touching

So he tucks a corner of my skirt
Into the pleat of his shorts,
just to have some part of me, touching some part of him.
When I stroke his head and open my mouth
To say “Brendon….”
He cuts me off with an

“ I know….I know..you love me” his small hand squeezing mine.

I miss all that.

Even Taka’s colic and refusal to feed.


Children seem to represent so much.
Life, beauty, hope, innocence.

Sometimes I wish that I hadn’t been forced to grow up so fast
Yet I’ve always said that it built my character
Having so many responsibilities, so young
made me who I am today.

I just wonder what I’d have been like
had that childhood innocence not been taken away so fast

Yes, at one point I resented that innocence
in my peers at school
With their trivial fashion and ‘daddy won’t buy me this’ talk
It was hard not to
when I slept at 3 am
After putting a baby, then a mother coked up
On antidepressants, to sleep.
I was worlds apart

But I guess when push comes to shove
I wouldn’t change a single bit of my life
More recent crises included.

Once upon a time
Two years or so back
I wanted to au pair somewhere in Europe
It seemed the ideal job for me
Doing so many things that gave me pleasure,
That I have a natural knack for
Minding children, minor housework
Hell, I’d even cook
Living in a foreign country, learning
The language, culture, meals
Plus
writing about it and selling my stories.

Then it fell through.
I should look into it again.

I guess I’m feeling really melancholy
One of my best friends is married and with child

Another is getting married and about to move away

And me, I’m here.

No, It’s not that my life is stagnant, its far from
I’m steadily progressing
And it’s silly to feel this way
Because they are older than I
But I can’t help but feel..
left behind

Yesterday I spoke to an ex.
Someone had bumped into him and thought he looked upset,
and asked me to check up.

The dilemma?Lack of love
(the relationship/partner kind)

“But so many girls are head over heels for you, they think you’re hot, sexy,nice
and I love you!”

I said, trying to cheer him up.

“Yeah but what good is that? What s the point when I go
home each night and lie in bed alone? I don’t want to be wanted, sexy, I just want someone special with me”

So much truth resonates in that statement.

He and I, we have so much going for us
And some wonderful people who want to be with us
Yet we won’t risk things if there’s even a glimmer of negativity.

I keep attempting to psychoanalyse myself
find out whats going on with me
all these contradicting emotions

Here I have someone close to perfect
someone who reads my mind
anticipates my every request hours before I even think of it myself
someone who would never ever break my heart...

at first I basked in the tickles
the utter sweetness and thoughtfulness

but now its gotten so sweet its cloying
and I am fleeing
and I hate myself for running
from such goodness

and you know what the worst part is?
The sadness of knowing that life is that unfair

That one would be willing to give up so damn much
for someone who isn’t willing to give up at all.

I keep hearing “give it a shot”
But I’m to scared, I’d rather leave it in fate’s hands
If its meant to be, it'll be

Me, my rational side seems to be winning
more and more these days.
Weighing every pro and con, every possibility
I won’t risk someone else’s heart or mine
When the probability of it falling apart
If not soon, then in the near future
is so damn high

I used to be more capable
of letting go and getting swept away by chemistry
But now I hesitate more
I think about scenarios, what other people think
how it affects them more than how it affects me
I'd rather yearn in silence than deal with
the complications.

So jaded, yet idealistic
Too rational to believe in that perfect love
Yet too much of a romantic to let go of the idea.

What are we searching for?
So many great people
Albeit with flaws but with compromise, things change
So why are we so afraid to take the chance?

when it comes to affairs of my heart
Maybe I should quit being so considerate and rational
And give it a shot.

they say with love you take risks
So maybe I should stop hesitating
Get to know people who interest me, I mean really get to know them
Foster bonds, whether a potential love or great friend
Make more of an effort to risk
Give fate a kickstart and
Find the courage within
To seize the day

Maybe, just maybe.

Stevo Turns Kong-Kong

Wheee!
I think Stevo got like two or three cakes..
less than me (=

MUahaha Muahaha

I would write more, but when the memories were
fresh in my mind
Blogger was fucking up big time
(for the record it's 11.43am Thursday, 27th Oct)
and now that the pics are all finally
up
I've run out of juice.

 

 

 

Selamat & Bunyi

Its Monday

outside the sun is brilliant
in the bright blue sky.
yet the day isn't scorching hot
for the breeze blows cool
bringing with it..the scent of the ocean

and I?
I am stuck in the office.
Mahai.

Congratulations Monday, you've done it again!

My work sits staring at me
with its one thousand beady eyes
a pile that multiplies by the minutes
I in turn, ignore it.

I shall be random today
because I am in a random mood
I need the beach.
desperately so
---------------------------------------
KL was, as always, fun
but it was as always, draining
Days off are more suitable for recuperating
rather than super-partying

this weekend for sure
when I hit Emerald Bay, I'm gonna kiss the sand.

I alighted the train a few minutes
past midnight, Friday morn
greeted by Vanessa, who then whisked me off
to clear my head at Clear,
the brilliant new chillout place
in Mont Kiara
co-owned by this cute guy

Sorry, no pictures
didnt want to appear like
a real kampung girl
my first time there..

We then went to the birthday boy's
where we drank wine and took kooky pics
and admired treasured paintings
by the very talented Miss Vanessa

We woke up bright and early
to lunch at BonBon
which is always good
I'll admit, I got a tad too enthusiatic
about the rocket/arugula

I guess it was evident in the way Jin Wei said
"Wow I've never seen anyone so excited about rocket before"
damn *shy*

By the way for you people in the dark about rocket
by rocket I don't mean that thing that cannons into outer space
rocket is a peppery salad green/herb
my favorite.

Its one of those classic greens with an identity crisis
cos so many people call it by different names
Rocket, Arugula, Rucola, Roquette...
Poorthing surely confused one.
Like cilantro/coriander
I super don't like that one though.

I know its rude to talk about shit and food at the same time
but let me just ramble off tangent
(i did say i was in a random mood)

The other day my friend went to the office toilet
to fart and pee
lemma see-see
she also needed to shit
but because she hadnt counted on it
and hadnt laid the tissue paper down on the seat
she had to shit half crouched over the bowl
and missed!
hahahaahahahahhahahahahaahhahahahah!

Have you ever had one of those shits that no matter
how much you wipe and wash after
still got chebibblets left
and it takes ten toilet paper wipes to get spotless?
fucking annoying when you're pressed for time.

This morning I came into the office
very fucking late
but I dont care
I've been telling my bosses they need to hire more people
but they dowanna listen so I'm rebelling

So anyways I'm sitting down
feeling this need for Tenacious D
and when I play it
I start to think of Gayle

"Aaron, do you ever miss Gayle?" I ask

"Yeah I do," he says, no hesitation

I pause.."Do you think she misses us?"

.silence.

------------------------------------------------

Yesterday someone sms-ed me
" I've been looking at the pictures of your soba noodles again,
looks so good, please will you make for me?"
so how could I resist such a polite request?

Somemore its damn easy to make
So I'm making this

and I'm extending an invite
just so you can't say that I didn't offer
so if you want some, you better let me know.
----------------------------------------
The other day
a pretty cute guy tried to speak to me
and I, as usual, fucking froze.

Damn annoying ok, when I dunno what to say
my friends will say that I'm not shy
but that's because they know me
but people I don't know
shy like fuck.
which brings me back to a post a few months back
about me not being able to talk on the phone
kanneh real life also cannot

"Why don't you ever talk much,
why do you look like there's so much on your mind?"

Most times, I do have a lot on my mind
other times I'm just too damn shy

I mean what am I supposed to say?
you're supposed to ask me questions
initiate conversation, draw me out of my shell
I mean if you really wanted to get to know me,
you'd make the effort right?

Besides, I've always been more articulate in
my writing than I am in my speech.
-------------------------------------------

So,I got to Pudu at 5 yesterday evening
only to find the next available 'can stomach' type of bus
was at 6. that meant an hour in the hellhole that is Pudu
I must say though, they have spruced it up a bit
better lighting..erm and cleaner floors
the heat and stench of carbon monoxide remains
as overwhelming as it always was.

"Bas ke Penang mana bang?"
I ask the guy..

He looks me up and down, and gestures away from the platform

"Pasti ke ni Penang?" I ask worriedly when I see the bus on the other side

"Ye, sayang..." he says, leading me up the bus,
then chasing some guy of the last single seat
forcing him to sit next to someone so that I didn't have to
damn nice right?

and though I was tired to bone
I didn't sleep, I can never sleep in moving vehicles
dunno why, just stare out of the window
I guess I feel like I miss out on too much if I sleep.

and because I couldnt sleep
I had a 4 hour initiation into the world of anime
this guy sitting in front of me had his laptop
and watched it throughout the trip

and even though I didn't want to watch it
ones eyes can't help but be drawn to the only light in the
darkness of the bus cabin

I wanted to tap him on the shoulder
and say "Excuse me sir, since you're subjecting the rest of us to the glow of your
screen, can we vote for a movie?'

Ohhhhh ohhh ohhhh!

erm. Pangkor laut, I have a free RM1K dinner to redeem.
I get to take a person
preferbly male cos they may wanna take pictures
of a " Private BBQ over the Sea"
any takers?

Back to the Land of Blog

Peter text or called me
quite a while ago
inquiring if I was still alive

He said my absence from the Land of Blog
worried him so
Yeah, I guess I should be worried too

More than a week unblogged
is a lot for Aja

I haven't written because the stuff(besides work)
that takes up most of my thoughts
these days
are unbloggable

Because I have nothing happy to talk about
and if I do it's a secret

I feel like work diarrhea-ed on my head
today one of the chinese ed designers
reached the culmination lemma! what the fuck-ness
and me...well, what could I say?
zilch.

Today I reached my breaking point
work stress
emotional stress
and my inability to fathom how
some people can do the things that they do
Penang is too much for me right now
thats why I'm going to KL
tomorrow
yeah la, that and Stevo's Big Day

I spent 5 hours last Saturday morning
trying to talk someone out of aborting
a 6 month old fetus
the more I talked the
more adamant she became
as I struggled to not give up hope
struggled to try and find some sort of understanding within me
how could anyone be so ignorant to the
risks and complications?
so inhumane?
To carry a child for 6 months
what's another 3 months without freedom
when you give an adoptive family a lifetime of happiness?

I thought I succeeded
but I guess it was never meant to be
I don't know why it affects me so
I don't know why I let it

Then I went home to frantically
cook for some high-school reunion cum pot luck thing
where Ah Beng, The little one and I took photos of our feet
and I went back early cos got eee-mer-gency

And as if that morning wasnt emotionally taxing enough
the sweetest man on the face earth
who contributed alot
to making this birthday the best ever
decided to tell me that
he wanted to be with me
and that he had said goodbye to the constant in his life
because of that

Yeah I guess that should be Happy Happy Tra-La-la
news..
But really, it isn't
Its godawfully tragic

Because I cannot,
I cannot risk a heart like that
So to prevent from hurting him later
I have to hurt him now.

Okay, I'll try and inject some cheer in here.
On Monday was Ah May's birthday,
we went to Bagan and cha-cha-ed with her aunts
On Tuesday
I went to the Alliance Francaise in an attempt of self betterment
Pardon, pouves vous repeter lentement s'il vous pait?

And as though work isn't enough of a bitch
I squeezed in a review at lunch on Wednesday
Cursed that I had to go to it
while I drove towards it already 10 mins late
but the moment I found the place..
boy was I glad.
Location a bit dodgy
be seriously charming 400 year old building
hand-painted indian tile floor
marble topped tables
high ceilings
antique wooden doors
and traditional teowchew food
in little tapas style servings

Wah, fell in love man.

That night was supposed to be May's Bday dinner
so I hurriedly emailed them all
changed location
to that little gem.

I (think) they were impressed.

Celyn, I take you next time k?

Anyway pictures to come.

Yay! Tomorrow I 'll finally see CLEAR!
Tomorrow, got party somemore at the Ivy.
Black and white theme,what to wear.
Kay_ell should be good RIGHT?
Better right???

Making Faces

 

After Dinner Last Night

 

May and her cupcakes

 

I Went To A Highschool Reunion

 

Ah Beng,"Where's the bottle?"

 

East Xiamen, Love Lane