On Tuesday I stood on the pavement in Belgravia
and said goodbye to U-Rod, and the Mrs and the Bee
as we watched them turn the corner all squashed in the
back of the Merc like anchovies, Mayleen turned to me
and said "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine" said I. That was the first goodbye.
At my aunt's, I kiss her, kiss my uncle. And aunt stands there
petite, delicate, smiling on the stoop.
Second goodbye.
Later, we reached the dual-carriageway to find it chock-a-block
and with 30 mins left for my train, decided to try for me to catch the
train to Paddington, I dash out of the car, barely kissing Mayleen
missing my train by one minute and having to pay 54 extra pounds
and get even more into the red for a new ticket.
That was the third goodbye.
The day after I went to the house of Butty,
did my last lot with them, then murmured that I was leaving
shock, sadness on their part, then they stood at the door and
waved til I got into the car.
Fourth.
Tomorrow maybe none, maybe I will see Leyna.
Saturday Dom and Mike and the kids come,
we will play in the sun, have a barbie,
then I will have to say goodbye.
Sunday.
Monday. We might cry I think.
Mommy wants me to come home, stay with her for a bit.
She doesn't understand me. I've been away from my room,
from Henry and Cornelius, from the apartment for so long,
I yearn for them.
Its not her, its me and my need for privacy,
to be sociable on my terms. She should know me, I loathe people
planning big things that include me and just assuming I'd be ok.
She says that they will give me space
that they have set up Astro, air-conditioning, but its not
about that, its about being with my things, where I am familiar.
Imagine, you miss your space so much and when you
get so close to it, you're told to wait? NO WAY!
Thats like the Bee and Me being in London but unable to see each other.
So I tried my best to explain, she said I lived with her for 17 yrs
why can't I do it now, but they just don't understand do they
once you move out, that's it, you change, you make your own space,
you crave it.
Oh well. I thought I'd do it for her sake, I know she misses me, is excited to
be seeing me, but then I thought of how uncomfortable and unhappy I'd be
and how I didn't want to be staying there and resenting it
didn't want my first days home to be marred by this;
So I told her 'no'.
And now I feel like the worst daughter in the world.
and said goodbye to U-Rod, and the Mrs and the Bee
as we watched them turn the corner all squashed in the
back of the Merc like anchovies, Mayleen turned to me
and said "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine" said I. That was the first goodbye.
At my aunt's, I kiss her, kiss my uncle. And aunt stands there
petite, delicate, smiling on the stoop.
Second goodbye.
Later, we reached the dual-carriageway to find it chock-a-block
and with 30 mins left for my train, decided to try for me to catch the
train to Paddington, I dash out of the car, barely kissing Mayleen
missing my train by one minute and having to pay 54 extra pounds
and get even more into the red for a new ticket.
That was the third goodbye.
The day after I went to the house of Butty,
did my last lot with them, then murmured that I was leaving
shock, sadness on their part, then they stood at the door and
waved til I got into the car.
Fourth.
Tomorrow maybe none, maybe I will see Leyna.
Saturday Dom and Mike and the kids come,
we will play in the sun, have a barbie,
then I will have to say goodbye.
Sunday.
Monday. We might cry I think.
Mommy wants me to come home, stay with her for a bit.
She doesn't understand me. I've been away from my room,
from Henry and Cornelius, from the apartment for so long,
I yearn for them.
Its not her, its me and my need for privacy,
to be sociable on my terms. She should know me, I loathe people
planning big things that include me and just assuming I'd be ok.
She says that they will give me space
that they have set up Astro, air-conditioning, but its not
about that, its about being with my things, where I am familiar.
Imagine, you miss your space so much and when you
get so close to it, you're told to wait? NO WAY!
Thats like the Bee and Me being in London but unable to see each other.
So I tried my best to explain, she said I lived with her for 17 yrs
why can't I do it now, but they just don't understand do they
once you move out, that's it, you change, you make your own space,
you crave it.
Oh well. I thought I'd do it for her sake, I know she misses me, is excited to
be seeing me, but then I thought of how uncomfortable and unhappy I'd be
and how I didn't want to be staying there and resenting it
didn't want my first days home to be marred by this;
So I told her 'no'.
And now I feel like the worst daughter in the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment