I Choose to Swim

Ooooh gorgeous day.
Except some people are geniuses who will take their SLR
with them all the way up to Batu, planning to be snap-happy
without checking battery levels before....

I chose to be nice and spend it with my ex's parents.
Except it made me miss him and hurt and so I rushed
to get on the internet and wrote him a 2 page email
some rambling, some tips on survival in Malaysia, some advice
on life and he said............
'thanks'
probably glanced through and deleted, if even.

Why do I bother? Any effort that I put in is futile.

But as I am beginning to learn, there always seems to be
something that will happen to lift my spirits
like this funny Facebook message that I got
from someone I met once, who's obviously made some effort to get
my number but never called, perhaps respectful of my relationship,
perhaps just a friend thing..who's reading into it?

But today he left a message reciting my number and telling me he dreamt
about this weird sequence and it was confounding
and he was feeling like an extra on LOST, so do I know what it means?
maybe it was even an invitation for me to say its ok to call
another 'chin-up' almost.

When I am awake I get this image of my bloodied heart hacked to pieces
on a wooden chopping block
no prizes guessing who Mr. Knife-wielder is
so I am probably not in any shape for any guys to call.

When I sleep though, I don't dream thank god
Except for the other night when I dreamt I was attacked
by a huge black python with a crimson belly and I didn't remember the
dream until I was sitting on a stool set on laterite
in the kampung by the orchard and feeling particularly
happy and rustic surrounded by greenery..then all these python
flashbacks came..damn psycho right?

Another image I get is my hand on his chest, but its not
so much an image but an I can almost feel it kind of thing
chest hair, beating heart...oh wait..there's no heart, there's
only stone..so maybe just my imagination.