Fuck It

I am just so goddamn pissed off and stressed and angry
and I really dont know what to fucking do with myself
I felt like just fucking ramming the car into a tree.

This is supposed to be my week off before I start work
my week to be happy, to be free, to relax, but I didn't go on a holiday
because I wanted to save money
but here I still end up spending over a thousand fucking
bucks in 2 days, buying clothes for work, hospital check-ups

I went for one check-up, but I am too fucking afraid to go for the other
one that I'm due for because I'll just end up owing more
or having zero cash when I go to KL and I still wont get paid for
like a month.

I cant even buy my fucking tweezers or eyeliner because I am scared
I'll have no money when I start work, then what?

This shit week started last Monday. When I spent over 200 ringgit
on a fucking taxi for a pointless ride to heartbreak
200 bucks could buy me my next doctors appointment
or my fucking eyeliner and tweezers and if it was worth my while
I wouldnt give a shit
but it wasnt even worth my while, nothing was.

Then the electrical heater in my bathroom had to blow right?
While I was in the bloody shower, had it electrocuted me it would
have made things easier.
And now I need to fucking replace it, because it is my duty and
I will feel fucking bad, even if I am not here to use it.

All I wanted was a nice few days, of beach, breeze and bikinis
of massages, naps and books, and light booze. I can even do that here
but my friends are either working or away. And at the weekend
when they can, I'll be gone.

I can't even ask the people who owe me. And no I won't touch my little
bit of inheritance.

I'm just so upset, I'm supposed to be having a break and this is
all just pure shit and I fucking hate this.

New job, new place, I should be celebrating. But no.
The hits just keep on coming.
and then there's fucking Valentine's day right?

Right now. I wish I didn't exist.
So fuck this. I have no fucking outlet. And I am about to fucking burst.