Flashback

I was reading at work, research if you like
then I came across this place where we once went

Then the flashbacks started coming
I remember how I was so happy at first
then I found out you had been flirting with someone else
what shocked me was that it was not you to do so,
or I thought so then, but maybe your true colours were emerging

I remember climbing all the way up to that waterfall
with my heart in at my feet
and breaking down as I ate lunch cross-legged on the rocks
I remember being so heart broken that I was in a daze

I remember turning my back to our travelling mates,
to hide my crying
and telling you to release your hold on me, to let me go
because I couldn't take this pain

I remember you slipped and fell off the rocks, sliding
I thought you might die
I remember how you tried to make it up to me after that
a candlelit bath of flowers, a romantic dinner on the beach
I remember how we swayed in the pool
how hard you were against me
how you sputtered and told me your ears hurt in the sea
and I tried to explain how to equalize
and when you finally got it, you said
"why didn't you just tell me to pop my ears?"
how we walked hand in hand on the endless stretch of golden

and sometimes, I swear I can smell your scent,
I can hear your voice, I can almost feel you on me

I can hear Adam screaming, fingers clutching, toes
curling to cling to me, as he is tugged away from me

But that is all my allow myself, and even that, rarely.