Getting to know me..

I am newly single and I have no memory of singlehood(9 years of going from one serious relationship to the next), so I'm feeling the ground, getting used to it, learning how to do it.

I may come across as standoffish and bitchy, but when you've just come out of a 3 yr long serious(hard) relationship you tend to be more wary, more choosy about who you decide to get close to, or start speaking to.

Its really hard for anyone to imagine or put themselves in my shoes, or fathom the damage that it did, my friends don't know how I did it for so long, frankly, neither do I.

This is why I don't like people who are too full-on and clingy as soon as they meet me, who think they can grab my arse or walk around acting like I'm their bitch. Taking-it-slow and respect will get you farther with me. Space is the most important thing for me, don't crowd me, don't force me to do anything I am not ready for , if I want to , have no fear, I'll do what I want. If you think its worth it,let me get to know you slowly, trust you, and open up to you, on my own, and you will appreciate and see 'me' better.

If you have the chance to get to know me you will find that I am sometimes too serious, but I do get crazy and go wild as well.Coffee makes me high but I love it and it makes me talk alot and come up with lots of crazy shit, which only my colleagues and closes friends are privy to.I love my friends and family to bits, so to get to me, you would have to respect and accept them.

I never really was a child, my mom has SLE (Systemic Lupus Erythematosus) and was very addicted to anti-depressants (think high and getting into a 3 car pile up) for a very long time(10 upwards at one go) leaving me responsible for my younger sister, who I partially brought up, and who til this day still calls me mommy.

My parents were divorced and my stepfather was oblivious, leaving me to take care(try) and clean up after my mom, eventually the situation became really bad, my mom was carted off to live with her mother-in-law, and me , with my dad.

Dad could not see that I had been through alot and treated me like a child and I eventually moved back in with mom; situations leading up to that and the consequent meeting of my ex(whom he did not like) left me estranged from my dad for 3 years. Its all good now.

Because of my teenage life and that relationship after, I strive for stability.
I'm a person who's still discovering, but I know what I like and don't like, what I need, when and where.I like being alone, I like movies, reading,writing, dancing. I like good dancing partners; while its nice to be physically close on the dancefloor with someone who dances well, I also like space to do my 'thing'. I love cooking, doing artsy-fartsy (arty -farty) things, going cultural, rolling around in the sand by the sun and sea. Hiking, rollerblading, snorkelling, I 'm just very much the outdoor person.

I am independent, I've lived out of home since I was 18 (which in Malaysia is a big thing, when married couples still live with their parents!). At 21, I live on my own, pay my own bills, food, gas, computer etc.I like taking care of myself, depending on me, because I wouldn't let myself down now would I?

I'm a nice person, but I don't go all out making new friends, what attracts me is a genuine interest in getting to know me, people who arent shallow, are interesting,different.

Most of the people I am close to are on the same 'wavelength' (though there are different wavelenghts...) I am especially drawn to people who make me laugh.I have a good ( I hope) sense of humour. I can carry a proper conversation, but on days when I am a moody-loner-bitch, I may not talk much, but it doesn't mean I'm dissing you.

People who know me well know that I am really shy with new people and that when in a new group, I prefer to stay quiet and observe before (if) I start speaking.To me, if someone really wanted to get to know me, they would ask questions with genuine interest to draw me out of my shell. Those that just say I'm boring or don't talk without bothering to find out why...are just (to steal a line ..) "not that into me".

If you read my blog you'll see that I sometimes go absolutely bonkers and talk shite non-stop as well, so there's a balance. Reserved and crazy.. harhar!I'm an observer at first, stick around long enough and I'll be taking charge!

Yes, I know, I don't seem 21, but can you blame me?