The Mound

He is clutching his belly, moaning like an injured seal.

"Baby will you rub hong-eew for me?"

I moan and groan, riffling through the pile of 'ex-girlfriend products' to find the right wind-dissipating ointment.

I rub the belly, exclaim "I've never seen such a huge belly!"

pause..then a soft "Don't bluff."

"Okay fine, I've never seen such a huge belly on any boyfriend of mine...if this lasts...you won't."

And my boyfriend laughs at me.