Masochistic Me

I cancelled a date today in favour of the company of my colleagues/friends
who say that I should save my 'date cancelling' template
so that I don't have to sit with them and plot, each time.

And it wasn't until I sat down with them, took the first sip of wine
that I realised that I was upset.

I told them what I did, masochistic me,
how the permeation of scent served to remind me
the clinging embrace

And they said 'Oh Aj..' and stroked my hair

And sometimes, sometimes I want to stop being the strong one
but I don't know how.

Sometimes, I wonder if its time to stop deflecting, start engaging
stop saying 'we can't' and starting saying 'this is how we can'.