Grumpus Is Come

I'm leaning back in the speedboat

the wind whipping my hair about

making my face tingle

sea and sun are lulling me to sleep

the only thing out of place is the frown that

wrinkles my forehead.

Grumpus is come.

A few years ago

I read a short story

that a husband

wrote about the times his wife got grouchy, bitchy, grumpy

she became a completely different person

and he called that person Grumpus.

it ended up being pretty touching

and I relayed the story to my ex (then boyfriend)

who started using it on me.

"Grumpus you go away, no one wants you here" he would say

solemnly shaking his head

whenever Grumpus came out

making me laugh

I thought about how beautiful the day was

the sun, the sea, the company

Grumpus had no right to spoil it for me.

In my head I conjured a picture of my ex

"No Grumpus, you're bad. Give me back Lulu"

he says wagging his finger in my face.

And just like that, Grumpus went away.

Inevitable

There are somethings that you get into

knowing full well that it's going to

turn out messy

No one needs to tell you

deep down inside

you know it, for sure one

its not even against your better judgement

its a certainty

a fact

that you do nothing to fight off.

Its as though the moment you decided

it was wrong

fate said "Fuck that, you're doing it anyway"

and there you sit

a passenger on auto-pilot

deaf to the cries of your conscience

arms wide open

to destruction.

Oh, I knew from the start that this would happen

it was almost as if it was willed to happen

I knew every step that you could have said 'stop'

but you never did

the deeper you got

the harder it became

and now...

well, don't say I didn't warn you.

But I do understand

that there are somethings

that are just meant to be

it's a bigger force that determines it

This seems like one of them.

I Am A Mean Bitch, I Am

He said you musn't blog it, please..it'll get me into shit!

Of course I'll blog it!

I Really Don't Want to Gloat....

But..I will.

Tomorrow

I will be here....

and come evening

a private dinner

is planned on the beachfront of Emerald Bay

in case you don't know where that is

its this (points downwards)beach

uh-huh that beach (points upwards)

was recently voted in the Top 10 Beaches in the World

by Harpers & Queens and Vogue UK.

So at sundown tomorrow

a cosy little dinner

on the beach.

Imagine.....

A light breeze is blowing,

tendrils of your blossom smelling hair

caress your cheek

a heady mix of salt and sweet

the waves breaking gently upon the shore

bleached, powder-fine sand in between your toes

the amber light from torches set in the sand

illuminating the faces of your dinner companions

just you, them, nature, good food and wine.

Uh-huh!(punches air)

I even put together a separate menu

one for the girls

and one for the boys.

You wanna see?

I'll tell you anyways,

cos 3 years down the road, I might want some kinda record of the night

but honestly, I just want to make your mouth water.

For the chicks:

Appetizer

Pan-seared scallops presented with a duet of black and white Chinese mushrooms and garnished with a salad of lightly marinated, shredded vegetables

Soup

Truffle Scented Mushroom Soup

Sorbet

...of the Day

Main Course

Symphony of Seafood on
Lemon grass risotto sprinkled with lobster foam
and spiced Calamansi sauce

Dessert

Home-made sun-ripened Banana Crumble with warm cherry brandy sauce

For the Hunks:

Appetizer

Marinated Seafood with oriental greens on
roasted eggplants, surrounded by a chilledgazpacho - balsamic dressing

Soup

Spiced Cappuccino of Mangrove Crab
with a dust of coriander powder

Sorbet

...of the Day

Main Course

Seared medallion of Australian chilled beef with asparagus,
served with a red miso sauce and sautéed mushrooms

Dessert

Sago pearls in young coconut with fresh fruit
and homemade coconut ice cream

Ohh yeah...all that and wine.

Mouth-watering?

Well, you know what they say...saliva helps reduce teeth cavities...

Scarlett Grows On Me, Lucky Her

Ohhhhhh...

Now I remember why I didn't like writing

for newspapers...

Cos the hack your article to pieces

and every bit of personality, humour and etc,

gone.

Then people go "Hey, I read...."

and I'm like "I didnt write it that way.."

Oh so don't want to go and do that other review later.

Brain: Okay Aja, time out. Let the smell of crisp cash motivate you

Aja: Little bit only wor...

Brain: At least got right?

Moving on.

Saw 'The Island' last night

I give it 4 out of 10

Scarlett though, is beginning to grow on me

but its too soon to tell how much

considering she spoke, maybe 5 more words

in this role than in The Girl with the Pearl Earring..

Did she speak much in Lost in Translation?

I don't remember.

But Ewan McGregor

he makes me juicy .

Yesterday Ah May

asked me

what my "freedom of speech" rant was all about

and I had to explain the whole thing with the

blogging community, bloglitics and etc.

There's something about that fact

thats so cool

You know what I mean?

Like half of your readers are your

on-land friends

and the other half

your on-line friends

and sometimes

what encompasses one

the other doesnt understand.

I can imagine May

too lazy to write me an email

can't really call from the office

so she logs on, and she reads all this ranting

and the whole day she wonders

"What is going on with poor babe"

Her face scrunched up

Thinking its some major crisis going on

with me

So cute.

No doubt next it will be

"Who is Ms.Cheng ah babe?and what happened to her?"

Online and onland

different.

Lookit me! All sweet and innocent...

SNAG

I've been curious about the relationship and sexual culture here lately.

Virtually every male friend I know

has had the pleasure of my probing questions.

"Do you go down on your girlfriends?"

"Do you like it? Or do you do it because she goes down on you?"

Recently i heard not one but a few Asian women

say that Asian men don't go down on their women.

Now, either they are hanging around the wrong men

or I've been pretty damn lucky.

And so I asked oh, maybe 10 men.

and yes they head south

yes, they like it

it gives them pleasure to give pleasure

its a turn on and an ego trip

when she's gripping his hair,

keeping from screaming out.

and these are men,

born and bred here

no, they haven't been off studying or gallivanting

(okay maybe a few have)

in some distant country

absorbing Western culture,

just Sensitive New Asian Guys.

One comeback I kept getting after asking the questions

was

"But some women don't like it"

How strange is that?

Have you ever heard of a man not liking a blow job?

If anything I think those women are

self-concious about that part of their body

how it looks and smells

but hell, they should be proud

why deny themselves the pleasure?

In so many cultures, the vagina is such a beautiful thing

yet and so many others

it is a cause of humiliation, degradation.

Its not dirty, your vagina.

And its going to be there your whole life

so no point pretending its not a part of you.

embrace it.

I've always been more partial towards

Caucasian men

Simply because most of them

are bigger,taller and more masculine

have squarer jawlines

(very 'man' man)

than our own

and me, well I like the idea of being protected by a solid slab of man

But I've had my fair share of both

and our men aren't lacking

so don't knock em

it's not fair

cos there are so many great ones out there.

How Terrible

Poor Ms. Cheng

Whether I agree with what she writes or not

is beside the point,

but to have 3 years of

writing

wiped out in the click of a button

to have put so much blood, sweat and tears

into the design of her site

and have it all disappear

so unexpectedly

I shudder at the thought

it's unimaginable.

Poor girl, my heart goes out to her.

A Day of Weird Questions

Last night after a few games of scrabble

and some stand-up comedy

I fell into a troubled sleep

at about

half past four.

I woke up to the weirdest text message in a long time

it was weird

in content and sender.

This is a friend whom I'd pretty much lost touch with

in the past 4 years.

Once my confidante, bodyguard and personal masseur

We grew in separate directions

He moved away

became a pretty recognised model

I tumbled into a 3 year long relationship

that left the old gang far behind.

Then out of the Blue

last Saturday he text

we met up

we text back and forth the day after

and 9 am today:

"Hey I was wondering...how sexy are you in the morning?"

and before I could even ask,

"Yes, the query is for you Aja".

Now what kind of a question is that?

Sexy as in do I look sexy when I wake up?

or do I look like a dishevelled blob of mussed up hair?

Or sexy as in do I feel sexy?

"Do you look sexy? Crusty eyes, nose? Voice?The way you stretch?

Hair?"

I thought about it.

Cute-sexy, I decided.

I wake up, stretch like a cat.

I sound huskier than usual.

I am a tangle of brown skinned limbs that slowly

unfurl to lengthen and stretch in front of the mirror.

It is a ritual.

I wake up, reach out,

twirl

and regard myself in all my glory

my last minute

unbound by clothing

before I have to face the world

and wear that sodding bra.

If I look fat,

well then you know how my day'll go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That settled,

we meandeared off to different topics

men, women, relationships.

And somehow, somehow..

the inevitable

"How come we never hooked up?"

came out.

"Because we've known each other for so long and

there has never been even an inkling of that sort of

attraction"

"But why?"

and despite my superb skills of diversion

he didn't let the topic rest.

Until I said that the fact that his bush

was bigger than mine would be too damn hilarious.

Why do good men friends always ask that question?

The Problem With Me..

is that I trust at the wrong times

or that I am too trusting

that I forgive and forget (some)

too easily

Last night I experienced a flood of emotion

where my heart sank like a heavy stone

and I could feel the blood leaving my face

It was reality slapping me hard

it was a feeling of utter disappointment

embarassment

disbelief

I had been so blissfully naive

that when the question was posed to me

the thought hadn't even crossed my mind

Then I was asked again

and somewhere in my mind

I remembered blogging in relation to it

and then there it was,

realisation.

I'm so wary

about exposing myself to new people

about trusting

yet the trust that I bestow upon

the people closest to me

I gave no second thought to

and now the violation of my trust

the mortification

at my naivete and its effects on others

is what I am left with.

Devastating

So I havent read the new installement

of Harry Potter yet,

Cos I'm to bloody skint this week

and am just waiting for my pay to roll in

Then today I'm skimming through the other blogs

wondering if the furore has died down

and this dumb doorknob of a bitch

blogs about the book

the very first line was a goddamn spoiler

in the worse possible way

and she didnt even have the

consideration

to warn people that it was coming.

Arrrghh!!

Yowza!

Oh what a glorious day!

The sun's a-shining..

the breeze a-blowing

the birds a-chirping

the sea a-gleaming

Even

so little sleep

and a throat as hoarse as sandpaper

couldn't spoil it.

I even called

uncle Mo to tell him how beautiful it was out

but he didn't find it as exciting as I did :(

Then I went to pick up my momma

and we went to pick

curry up

from grandmomma

I tied my tupperware tighly in the plastic bag

humming a tune, all cheery

off we go.

Then

you know what happened

you.know.what.happened???

My genius of a mother

had put her 2 loose tupperwares

full of curry

in an untied plastic bag

on the upholstered back seat

2 seconds, i swear 2 bloody seconds into the journey

the curry is making its new home

in the ridge-y, carpet-y, upholstery

Nia Mah Chau Hai!

Asking for trouble or not I ask you?

"What kind of idiot doesnt know how to tie up the plastic bag?"

I ask her, gesturing to my neatly tied bag

on the mat (not the seat).

Thats all I say.

My mouth is set in a grim line

and my irritation has surrounded my body

like an invisible cloak.

Bloody dawg.

Gone.

nice mood, bright blue skies

undone.

Out of the window in less than 2 seconds.

The curry has kunyit in it okay

the car seat is cream.

We clean up a bit

with my MNG shirt.

Then we drive back to hers

in a silence so thick

you could have sliced up a serve.

I tell her curtly that she

had better help me clean up the mess

before my even more anal that I

aunt

comes back from Japan and skins me.

So together we work

my stepdad comes to help

and now we are left

with the faintest of stains

you can hardly tell!

Still in a huff

I drive off home

'Fuck it' I think

I'll have a self-proclaimed

extended-lunch-break

this day is too good to waste

I dive into the pool

work my frustrations into the water

letting the stream of water

pummel my

achey neck and back.

and when I dry off

there's a text waiting:

"Aja, sorry and thanks"

mother says.

She never used to apologise. Ever.

Once again, the day is bright.

Beautiful!

Of Outback Boys & Island Girls

Okay, okay,

maybe I was a bit harsh on

the Outback Boys

can I blame it

on

PMS?

It was too!

Anyways Outback Boy

said goodbye nicely

while I was a bit mean

and after,

I felt terribly rude

and apologised

for saying

"So, do you expect me to give you a hug?"

in a horrible bitchy manner.

I just didn't like(hated) the fact

that he arrogantly assumed

that I wanted sleep with him

Sorry, orang ada class sikit okay?

We had fun in KL

Island Chicks & Outback Boys

fishing and hunting

in Velvet

OOooh yes...

the night was erm...eventful

emotional talks

transpired to

8 illusion shots each

whisky cokes reminiscent of diesel.

Soon I was behind the wheel

for the others wouldn't have been able to even

find the wheel

inching towards the roadblock

I roared

"Shut the fuck up"

silencing the hysterics and bushtalk.

Dropped them off in the outback,

promising to come back (with X fingers)

then hightailed to Bestari

with Vans drunkenly

shrieking

like a banshee crossed cow

applauding ecstatically

at my sideparking skills.

So we sit

and order tapau

while we wait

she slams her fist onto my wristful

of coloured glass bangles from little india

(just to see it they would break)

They did.

and after all that,

my meehoon goreng pedas

that I craved for months

was nowhere near as good

as when I first tasted it

when Jihn ordered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We whiled our Sunday away

(there wasn't much of it left by the time we awoke)

at Bodega Lounge

exercising our braincells

(after extensive alco abuse)

on 2 games of Scrabble (which I lost)

It is at 10 to 8

that we panickedly resurface from

our case of Boardgame Daze

to realise that we have forgotten

Tracy's Birthday Cake for

her SURPRISE birthday dinner

in 10 mins.

Now by forgotten I don't mean we:

(a) left the cake somewhere and forgot about it

(b) had ordered it and forgot to pick it up

I mean forgotten

like

-completely-

Like, her cake did not exist.

One is not meant to experience stress like that

on a Sunday.

But we sorted it out

being the utter geniuses that we are.

Damn nice somemore!

After a pleasant dinner

(if you call shattering my teeth

on beef ribs as tough as tractor tyres pleasant)

at (Surprise, Surprise) Outback Jack's

(in fact

our birthday girl

really was surprised!)

We contemplated a movie

but I had already seen Famous/Fabulous/Fantastic Four

(I had seen with a guy who was at that very moment

watching it again, with his 2nd date that Sunday

and pretending that he hadn't already seen it)

So off we went again

to La Bodega Lounge

Pictionary all the way..

Khan and I rocked!

and then

Vans and I played Scrabble

twice more

and I won by much more points then she did

so there!

brilliant end to the weekend I'd say (=

Whoa..

Disappear for a couple of days ..

and come back to find

the whole of blogsphere in chaos

I really think its getting a bit too ridiculous

don't you?

all this judging

criticising

accusations

insults

barbed comments

acidic sarcasm

popularity bids

and

cheap shots

We chose to blog

as a

medium to express our

thoughts

secrets

ideas

fantasy or reality.

Whether just to recount your day

or

ponder what interests you

whether to amuse

others

or

yourself.

fact or fiction

bitch

whine

complain

rant

or even write about

where

you wine and dine.

Happy or sad

humourous, trivial or serious.

We chose this medium because

it allows freedom of speech.

Yet it's because of that very reason

freedom of speech

that people are falling out all over the place.

When I read about someone else's life,

their story

I don't judge.

Because what would the world be

if we weren't all different

in what makes us tick?

Some are just more open

more liberated

than others.

That's the bit that's interesting isn't it?

the different nuances

that make us all who we are

individuals

with unique

voices

opinions

and

point of views

Some will bare their breasts

and some wont

some will like it

and some will balk at it:

at the end of the day

it's their lives.

Why do we find each other so intriguing?

Because each person tells an original story

because we find these differences(or similarities)

entertaining

endearing

funny

sad

touching

horrifying

distasteful

most of all,... engaging.

and yet when it skews slightly

and doesnt suit your mindset

so quick to criticise,

point the finger.

Remember why we started this in the first place,

freedom of speech.

To

encourage expression

stimulate creativity

not to censure

or knock other people with disparaging remarks.

We should,

in an ideal blogging world

be able to

say, do and show

whatever the fuck we want to

that's what blogs are for.

It's just interesting to see

that despite

claiming to be more liberated,

open-minded and accepting

of so much,

some of us really aren't.

Who would have thought?

Even in cyberspace.

Other people's lives

are theirs.

If what they do or say

is not to your taste

then

just move on,

but for chrissakes

learn to accept

that some people

just see things differently

and what you deem

right

or wrong

isn't necessarily true.

I think they are trying to say ' be different'?

Arrghhh

My teteks are seriously

damn-super-dooper-khao

painful today!

(and i no longer have Gayle to tell)

So if you see me,

please stay very very far away from them.