Blue sent me this picture of me dancing at the Claude Challe do last year. Minutes after, my ankle went CRACKkkkkkKK......it still feels weak now. Thank god there was bubbly. (gawd aja youre such a blonde..)

The Things We Do For Beauty

For the first time ever

I found myself alone in Little India today

In the scorching heat of the afternoon

all decked in black

ala Power/Sexy Office Woman

My beautician was on a lunch-break

*GasP!

"Beautician?In Little India?What on earth for?" I hear you ask..

Not telling, but if you ask me nicely, I'll show you.

And so while waiting for her, I sauntered around the shops.

I bought 40 coloured bangles for a ridiculously cheap price and contemplated many coloured tops.

Then I grimaced in pain for 20 minutes as the beautician messed with my face.

It was a pleasant cultural experience.

Little India has so much to offer.

If you can take holding your breath or just breathing through your mouth.

;)

Little India 

Clothes! Bah Who Needs Them?

We had the 'Nakedness' (refer to Gayle's blog) convo.

" Do a lot of people walk around naked in their homes, and on their balconies?" asks the Boss

"Well I do," sez I

" All the time?"

"Of course! I hate clothes!"

At which point his eyes pop out and roll across the table into my soup.

Gayle and I love terrorising our Bosses. They go to sleep muttering

" Remind me never to hire girls again....."

What is it with Penang girls?

I am still in agony.

Walking like there is an elephant between my legs

I also loathe Mondays.

Yesterday my cousin's boyfriend and I had an interesting conversation...

He said, " What is it with Penang girls and texting ah?"

It's true man, what is it with us?

My cousin and I can text a whole book, but when it comes to speaking to someone face to face or on the phone, I am at a complete and utter loss for words.

We rant, flirt, avoid,confront, through texts.

It is a serious problem.

What makes it worse, is that when I am speaking to someone, I know that I don't know what to say and thus try harder to think of something to say which makes it even harder and results in an even more 'blocked' mental block.

How now?

What has technology done to us? It has made non-personal contact communication soooo easy that we just don't know how to deal with face-to-face communication anymore.

What happened to the old days? When if there was a problem you sat a person down and talked face-to-face, when you wanted to discuss wants and needs and you speak.When if you were happy, you smiled, hugged.

Not send a smiley.

Now, it's text, text, text or email?Hell, even blog.

I mean for me its alright if someone calls to find out something, tell me something etc. But if someone calls to chat? Oh boy, now that's real pressure.

I guess it isn't that way with people that I know well, but with people I've just met, you know, you're in that-getting-to-know- you stage, they 'll call to chat and..

I'll be

stumped.

And they'll think that I 'm just some fucking brainless twit who has no ability to hold a conversation whatsover.

I really have to learn how to talk again, it's gotten so bad that I think I need a class.

and she said..." For all you know, they spent the night on both sides of the bed furiously texting each other..."

How to Talk to People Normally 1o1

Sign me up

I Want To Bear You Lots Of Little Ah Chuns...

The above would be the captions that The Boss, Gayle and I saw on the big-screen TV as we were walking out of our favourite Roast Duck Coffee Shop.

Fits of laughter ensued.

I mean like, who the fuck talks like that man?

My Boss reckons that Japanese/Korean/Taiwanese on-screen kisses always suck because the lack-of-nose makes it look like pancakes been squished together.

Not a pretty sight.

By golly, by gee, is that me? 

Jet Ski Agony

Who knew that racing full throttle over waves on a jet ski could cause one such excruciating agony?

This morning I woke and muscles I never knew existed in my body were burning with a depth and intensity that is impossible to explain when one has only had 5 hours of sleep and a throbbing hangover.

Last night, Vanessa and I partied at Chillout, doing our thang, shaking that thang. Having a ball of a time.

Can't really remember how much was consumed.

All I know is that we ended up on a trishaw ride in the heart of Georgetown at 3.30am with MatMotors racing around us in a terrifying manner as we strained into the phone to hear Denver chucking his guts out on some highway in KL.

Was good to know that we weren't that bad...

And after that, we still had the appetite to stop by at Tari's for Nasi Goreng Ikan Masin Special.

Yesterday I guess, was too good a day.

So today, I'm paying for it.

The End of the Day

The storm is coming in now,

after an afternoon of perfection

the clouds are rushing in fast

the wind is howling through the apartment

things are flying

doors are slamming

Outside

the clouds are an angry grey

The birds are twittering, rushing for shelter

where do the birds go?

Doesnt it make you wonder?

This day,

much reminds me of another,

a few weeks ago on a Sunday

On the last day of Blue's stay

When we took pictures of the storm

And when the rain came, May and I went to play

Before May and I went playing in the rain... 

As the storm came in on Blue's last day in Penang 

Baby Beach Bum

This morning dawned beautiful and sunny.

I was awoken by the shrill beeps of my phone, only to be told that they were only coming to get me in an hour.

Lemme-leh... then WTF wake me up so early?

DO I look like the sort of girl who takes ages to get ready?

Who's going to wear a full effing face of make-up to go jetskiing?

Who's gonna spend the better part of the morning counting my bloody pubic hair?

No. Not. Me.

I am quasi-hippie-biker-prissy-bitch-chick okay.

Must I keep telling you this over and over?

A good 45 extra minutes of extra shut-eye sucked down the drain.

Not only that! but they got my double-tall-vanilla-latte order wrong!

That is a crime! and it is catastrophe done upon thyself!

Don't mess with me and my morning caffiene.

EVER.

Oh, but despite those horrible starts.

'twas an oh-so-beautiful day

I couldnt help but smile

at the salty tang on my tongue

and the bright blue sky above me...

the wind rushing through my hair

the salt crusting on my skin

blobs of jellyfishing rushing by and daring me to go skinny-dipping

I rode like the champ that I am, though I can't say it did much for the horniness (post below).

We beached at a deserted bay, spent a few hours frolicking with abandon, rode back for a motherfucking expensive lunch at the Parkroyal Beach Bar, 400 bucks for 4, can you believe that?

Jesus.

This is Penang, its a beach bar, the hotel is hardly 5-star!

So then, on to the spa for a 2 hour massage. How do you tell a Chinese-Ed masseuse not to tweak your bones? I can't. Hell, I can't even explain it to an English-Ed masseuse, but i goddamn hate it when they bloody well tweak the bone or joints or whatever. They ALWAYS do that. DO you know what I mean? They do it to the bits inbetween your clavicles too.

And its motherfreaking agonizing.

Backhand her then she know!

Yet I take it,

being the strong quasi-hippie-biker-prissy-bitch-chick that I am.

But really.....

What a great day! Can't say I've had such a relaxing Saturday in the recent past..

Coffee is Dangerous

I'm so high on caffiene that my

ears are twitching

and my

eyes are blurring

Why is time ( tick...tick...tick...tick) moving at such an excruciatingly slow pace

today??

One hour away from the break of work and official start to the weekend.

Coffee should be banned.

Its effect on the likes of me is completely harmful.

Not forgetting when the likes of me are lacking in caffiene consumption and all hell breaks loose!

Imagine what it does when I am (more)HORMONAL(than normal)??

May the good lord save you

Horny as Fuck

My horniness has reached a level so high that I can no longer deny it

So why fucking bother?

Why not shout it off the mother fucking roof-top?

I

WANT

SEX

Behold the email that I wrote a close girlfriend early this morn and yesterday evening

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thusday, April 14

I'm effing horny ok.

need to be f******

Big time.

Friday, April 15

I'm still horny

Need to find me a permanent FB

in all ports

for me to berth my ship

when I need it

put the word out

but dont say who's looking

for a permanent FB

in all ports

requirements:

lenght,breadth and width

charm and good BO + MO

height and negative in Fat Department

forked tongue preferable

dancer will make me all the wetter

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But please-oh-please-oh-please don't assume that just anybody has a chance of screwing me silly.

Just because I'm horny does not mean that I am not still picky or that my standards have dropped.

On the contrary, all that fantasising has sky-rocketted standards.

Gayle.Kat!!!!

Where is that goddamn Rabbit?

YesterdayI thought to myself

I can surely give up ciggarettes, but definately not coffee

but today i think

what the fuck are coffee and ciggarettes

compared to a

big

hard

schlong?

See now, this would not be a problem if I was a complete and utter slut. Then, I would just get riding anyone that knocks on the door (and there are many).

But no, that's not me.

I shall wallow in this agony.

Blast my conventional views

*shakes fists in frustration

*Due to overwhelming response, I have revised this post*

Tis Friday!

Friday! ah you've come again

Such a great day

Good ole Penang

This wonderful weekend

Tomorrow calls for...

some fun in the sun

For I will be going

On a Jet-Ski run

A beach BBQ

And a sun tan too

Completes the whole do

And so I ask thee....

In which other office can you:

• have a Boss that educates you on the words of Hokkien..which would today be 'laaa...chee'. Quaint Hokkien-ness for 'frenchkissing'.
• Blast Tenacious D all day long, have a complete effing riot while your colleagues singing along with you. *Motherfuckerrrrrrrrrr
• Be taking a stinking steamer when you realised you're out of toilet tissue and open the door and yell ' Gayllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeee I need tissue paper!!!' at the top of your lungs
• Smoke to your hearts content, and send the office boy down for more when you run out
• Decide which colours you want to paint your office walls
• Drink on the job ( because it promotes creativity...)

And thats just skimming the surface...I tell you, its like coming home.

I miss you Jamu... 

The Chronicles of a Mad Gay Guy

Foster says: Middle-Eastern men have the hardest shlongs...

I assure you, he has the experience to make such a comment. Pilots in departure lounges, hotel bars and cockpits..have shown him so...

Altogether Anal

I had dinner with one Father, one half-brother, and one-stepmother last night.

This is what we were.

Inching towards the SUV

A family of four

gingerly picking their way

across road and grass

avoiding the stuff

that comes out of a dog's arse

We are anal. All of us, in our own way. We are 6, 21, 33 and 52.

------------------------------------------------------

"Watch out for dog-shit," says Daddy, " No one gets into the car with dog-shit."

" No touching the tables, chairs, door-handles with your hands: GERMS!"

"I really hope you're not letting people sip from your straw at school, imagine the deseases you could catch"

" Oh, dear god, please don't sit on my bed in your outside clothes! Now I will have to change all the sheets, duvet and pillowcases!" (me!)

"Please open the door for me, I can't bear to touch the handle"

" Mummy, I'd rather fall off the escalator and break my nose than hold on"

" Smoke, someone is smoking! Gosh smokers are sooooo inconsiderate, if I were prime-minister I would pass a law to shoot all smokers immediately"

"You can wear your " inside-of-the-house" slippers out in the garden but please don't wear your "farther-outside-of-the-house-than-the-garden" slippers inside the house."

----------------------------------------------------------------

While we dined silently on white asparagus flown in from Germany, Frog's legs and Fried Chicken, I listed it out in my head.

All I really wanted right then was a ciggarette.

And yes, they know. This means my family will shoot me if the law is ever passed.

Anal-retentiveness is always thicker than blood.

She Says, He Says

Aja: You are a blonde with a hearing problem!

He: I'm a blonde with a hairy problem?

MuAhAHAhaHaaa

Deflecting Obvious Ignorance

While I went away for the weekend, I left my car with Gayle.

Upon my return, she had this to report.

"Babe, your car got no air-cond juice lah,

I was driving around the whole weekend, with the windows down, baking in your car!"

And so says I, " You sure not? did you put it on?"

"I tried everything la, cannot, no juice!"

I got into the car.

I put the engine on, I pressed the A/C button.

I played with the temperature slider.

Pretty soon, I was on my merry way with cool A/C blowing on my skin.

Gayle, you just have to press the button that says, ' A/C'.Yes you too, Slyvia.

So there!

I'm sick of ' You didn't know where to fill water in comments'.

There are others out there!

Of course I knew where to fill the water in, its just that the cap said DANGER..and I asked because I wanted to be sure.....

All Ready 

Almost Ready 

Finally Ready 

One 

Two 

Three 

Four 

Weekend in the Valley (again)

Vanessa's birthday was the reason (or excuse) of visiting the valley to party this time.

Since us girls are really quite crap and keeping secrets from each other , it wasn't hard for her to figure out the secret.

One of us let names slip out, and proceeded to cover with awkward mouth-coveringness

Another overdramatised by calling and complaining about not being able to come down

Yet another one of us, speedtyped a text message out and sent it to vanessa by mistake

( Aja, you stupid CoW!)

Some pics here, and the rest on my photoblog. Unfortunately Sunday lunch pics are still in Tracy's camera!

The Curse of the Pink Dress

You know that little ditty? goes like,

Gayle and Kat

Sitting on a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

???

I now have my own

Vans and Aja sitting under a tree

C-U-R-S-I-N-G

Its Monday, blazing hot. The sun is reflecting of the highway making it seem like a long stretch of glinting broken glass.

*How does Aja have the time to notice these things when she's supposed to be hurtling down the highway towards work on that island gem of Penang?

We are standing on the highway shoulder, staring with disbelief and dismay at 'that thing' under the open hood of the car.

The Engine.

Unknown. Uncharted. Alien. Distant. Dark. Unexplained. Undiscovered.Unapprehended. Mysterious. Little Known.

'Whatchamacallit?' territory that is the very height of ignorance to two very intelligent brunettes who, at this very moment, feel very lost indeed.

" Aja, Where are we?"

Says Vans in the shrill, high-pitched tones that denotes one who is succumbing to panic.

" Don't worry babes, we are in Changkat Jering" says I.

HaH like that bloody well helps.The only reason I know we are at Changkat Jering is because I READ EVERYTHING. This includes all road signs.

Words are beacons of light in the dark tunnel that is my mind.

No one stops to help.

The car is massively overheated.

We are frantically calling all the manly men that we know for tele-life-saving chat called 'Cars 101'.

My x boyfriend drops the phone in a fit of laughter when I asked 'where do I fill the water in?'

Blue offers to bring the chopper around a take us for a Pangkor Laut rendezvous, but only after he has called us two dumb blondes standing on the side of the highway.

Adrian tells me to open the cap thingee with a thick cloth but, 'don't burn yourself!'

Sunny says, 'I need that jet-ski part'.

Feeling thoroughly dejected and alone. Vans and I make our way 500yrds across the sizzling hot tarmac, across mushy muddy grass, to take shelter under an ant infested tree. I take out a ciggarette. It is then, that we find out that our one and only lighter has ceased to work.

Ah a savior! A man has come (don't they always?taken both ways...)

He putters around under the hood, fills it with water.

There was alien talk about gaskets but it was established that it was not serious and soon we were on our merry way again!

It was the curse of the pink dress.You see, I was wearing this new pink dress, and the last time car shit like this happened to us, I was wearing a pink dress too.

Many of you may already know this story, when slightly less than a year ago, Tracy,Vans, May and I were enroute from Bar Savahn to Velvet afterVince's Champagne Party.

May said, " Turn into this alley"

Vans said, " Sure can go or not?"

May said, " If my Airtrek can go, your car surely can one"

CRRRRRRRRRaaaaacCcCCKkkkkkkkKK

*Aja gets out to inspect damage

The rusted zinc that someone had used to cover the drain had somehow torn of and wrapped itself around our rear wheel shaft, of which was still lodged firmly in the drain.

Aja says, " Girls, we have to get out and push"

Girls, " US? PUSH?"

And so it went. We pushed...bla bla bla.

Then, a man came.

Predicament Over.

No more pink dresses, at least not with cars, when there are no men around.

What men on secluded islands do on Saturday nights... 

Aja Ng

The name Aja

came from a song

that my parents listened to

before I was born

By a group

called Steely Dan

I 've never heard my song

nor have I heard of them

Where I want to be

Scorching hot

Out there in the day

Sunlight sizzles

Sharp, white pin-pricks of light

In blazing bright, blue

Skies

Freshly cut grass

Scents in the breeze

Makes me really

want

to sneeze

The tall green palms sway

Oh such a blowsy day!

I long to be out there

Warmth of rays and

salt of sea

wet

Feel it sting me

Sand on my skin

Sweat beading on my shin

Wind in my hair

Away

With despair

Sea,sun,sand 

An Ode For Aaron

Aaron is a real dear

I no longer think he's queer

He's so sweet

He stopped smoking those ciggarettes

that made me sick

And now he's going to burn

'Lost'

To satiate my yearn

I think I am in lurrrve

Becky,

Please don't be jealurrrzee!

Be Cool:Product of Fools

Unless you are a spineless twat lacking in social life and just life in general, I beseech you to please not waste your valuable time watching the very uncool movie called " Be Cool". Yes. thats the one with John Travolta and Uma Thurman, it is a complete and absolute waste of time.

Even typing derogatively about it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Do.NOT.Go.

One highlight though.It featured a little bit of:

Aerosmith.A band I had recently revisited.

Last week I had this strange urge to seek out and download all my old Aerosmith favorites, out of the blue it came to me, I had not listened to them since the times of Gary.

(haha isn't it weird how you can phase your life in order of boyfriends? Gary BTW, was first and longest)

So anyways, I'm happily downloading all the great songs, Crazy. Pink.Janie's Got A Gun. Falling in Love.Jaded. Mostly songs from Big Ones and Nine Lives. But I could not, simply could not get a proper download of one of the songs that I wanted the most.

It's called Ain't That A Bitch.

Finally, after 4 desperate hours, it came through.

How ironic that it was such an absolute bitch downloading Ain't That A Bitch.

Good song though.

Aerosmith Rocks

What happens when you're horny...

well apparently..you get sick

and someone (can't remember who..) has deduced that the reason I am sick is because I am horny and have not satiated my sexual appetite.

Better horny than frigid eh?

What do you people think?

How to earn extra sickness/pity points

When I am sick, and have taken a day off, I generally choose to not wear make-up to work the day after to boost my 'sick' points and farther justify my sickliness.

On days like this, it is predictable that my Boss will walk by me at some point during the day and say, "You look sickly", (which he just did).

But, I really am sick. I am so sick that I have opted to stay in the office during lunch because it is too much hassle for a weak person like me to walk down the stairs and drive home to lie in her bed for 40 minutes then wake up and drive back , then walk up the stairs to get back in time before lunchtime ends.

So here I sit. Typing. Munching on my alfalfa-egg salad-garlic ham sandwich that I just know you would kill to have some of.

Alfalfa and egg salad is one of the most heavenly combinations on earth.Try it. He-who-must-not-be-named will confirm.

Gayle is ill too, we are comismically connected that way. She missed me yesterday, you must read her blog ( I've finally linked it)

To earn, extra, extra illness points I have asked my Boss to tapau soup from across the road. Soup is what Sick people eat, thus, I am sick.

Sunset Schmunset

Blue and I whiled the weekend evenings away at Sigi's for happy hour.

Cept' Sunday when we were stuck under the thatched excuse-of-a-bar that is the Parkroyal Bar.

But let me tell you, on Saturday, something beautiful happened.

Scene: Aja and Blue are sitting in the rain at the al fresco area of Sigi's. Aja has no drink, Blue is drinking a rain-water and beer cocktail. The staff at Sigi's are staring out at them like they are lunatics.

Sez Blue: " I've been in this country almost 17 months and I have never seen a classic sunset, have you ever seen a classic sunset?"

Sez I:" Whit do you mean a classic sunset?, I used to stare out and take pictures of sunsets almost each day when I lived at the Reef"

Sez Blue: " A classic sunset m'dear, is when the sun merges with the water. Here, just as the sun is aboot to merge with the water, a mist seems to cover it (the merging), thus, not classic."

Sez I: " Dunno, never noticed."

So then we proceed, Blue and I, to drink (by now I have ordered my classic dry vermouth with 7-up and lemon wedge) in the rain as it pours harder. Ahead of us, the skies seem clear, the sun is a blazing ball of amber fire, the sky is shot through with varying shades of reds and oranges.

The palms are swaying in the rain, and behind us, a richly hued rainbow appears.

The feeling is surreal. I just knew that next, that 'classic sunset' would happen.

And it did. Raining over us, but in the horizon that glowing ball dipped til it touched the edge of the sea then slowly sank behind it. Then it was gone, just like that.

Poof.

These things always happen to me.(thats what I'd like to believe anyways)

I remember in Canada, I had never seen snow, and everyone(even the Canadians) told me it was April and way too late for it to snow.

But it did!

I remember, leaving Halifax it started to snow and I was so excited, then as we drove towards Moncton, New Brunswick there was a full-blown snow-storm! No one could believe it.

It happened just for moi.

Me and old snow... 

Almost classic 

Misty...not classic 

Poor Sick Me

On Sunday night I started feeling ill, so I went to bed early, well not exactly, I watched 'Lost', again. Have I told you?I am absolutely completely addicted to the series, I only have up til episode 18, so I've been savouring each episode ( 2 a night).

So anyways, on Monday, I felt 'Ill-er' ( also know as sick-er) SO0o I took to bed at eight,and decided to reward my sick self ...by watching all of my last 5 episodes! And now I am left in bloody suspense because I am 13 episodes ahead of Malaysian TV and no one else I know has the next episode. What do the numbers mean? No No NO, dont't tell me!

SUSPENSE!

WOke up on Tuesday morning too completely fucked to work. All feverish. And no one to care for me :(

Dragged my arse to the doctor and back, and slept all day (only to wake at 8 for a slice of cheesecake), then slept all night.

Woke up today(feeling on slightly better), and here I am, braving the world at work.

Sigh, such a brave girl...

Bloggerudder

So I haven't written for a week and suddenly there are blogs creeping up all over the place, this means 'links'.Which I will do, as soon as I find space on my side-bar, as you can see, I now have a google ad-space there, but it ain't making me any money cos no-one cares enough to bloody click!

Found an old pic..nice! 

Two(to) Aussie Men

It's not often that two complete strangers(to each other), from the same country, ask me the same question, on the same day.

"Why did you not mention me on your blog?"

I decided to oblige. Below, two odes.

One for Sam and one for Fluff.

P.S. Do you people ever read the comments on my blog? Most interesting (to put it mildly) I doubt other people get such wacky comments on their blogs!

Of Fluff

There once was a guy

who was cute enough,

But his hair looked like it belonged

on someone's muff,

So then he told me

his name was ' fluff '

I tried very hard

not to laugh

But man I tell you,

That was tough!

Sam n May,Bangkok 

Brewster the Man!

My mate Sam ( who's quite the stud)

Loves his girlfriend with all his heart

He took her on a holiday to Thailand

And made her sigh " gosh, what a man!"

She had so much fun

Out there in the sun

Watching girls blow darts like pros

And now all she can say is " When can we all go?"

And thanks to Sam,she loves him so

tremors

fuckin hell i just felt the tremors.

it was really bad.

my room was wobbling like jelly.

everyone ran out of the building.

phone network jammed.

cant find anything on the goddamn news.

Inspired by Bangkok

May has just returned from Bangkok

her blow-by-blow account of the live shows she attended inspired me to come up with a new 'term'.

As opposed to contortist, we now have...

-Cuntartist-

Is that genius or what? I shall not explain further.

Frazzled

I rock at TABOO! had some wholesome fun with a few cute english kids before going out last night.felt good.

Last night we hit LUSH because it was, for the first time, featuring DJ Pat! Cosmos, girlfriends, and good music,(not to mention great dance partners) translates into the perfect wind-me-down after a crazy week's work.

check more of the pics out at www.smorephotos.blogspot.com

My weekend is crazy. I overbooked my appointments, overlapping.Sucks cos its supposed to be quiet, 'me' time, but instead am getting a headache trying to juggle things back and forth.

blerrhhh.

On a night out, all a girl needs are: Cosmo.Malboro Lights.Mobile Phone. 

A definate clubbing essential... 

Girlfriends... 

My Little Milk Cow 

Random Shrandom

I remember (through a groggy bubbly induced haze) at the Moet do

I needed badly to go to the loo

I walked in, and there splayed invitingly over the lounges and mirrors

were about 5 gorgeous girls

all manicured and groomed to perfection

a regular Ms Malaysia exhibition

Sigh.....what has competition become today?

Looney

This has got to stop.

I must stop smiling like a lunatic.

You must stop doing this to me.

I was walking the aisles of Giant and grinning like a lunatic and..

people .were. staring.

It fucking ridiculous! (said with that accent)